something is wrong with me

I am 18 years old and i dont feel well. I have been feeling this way for years now. I dislike everybody around ne and feel that they have an ulterior motive if they do something for me. I feel guilty when something good happens to me as i am not worthy of it. I hate myself.And when I say hate, i mean it. I feel like im a loser. i have no real friends.I cant hold a communication with peole i know, let alone strangers.I love parties but also hate social situations at the same time.I fear rejection and people's opinion of me matters to me a lot.I always try to be the best but fail.I feel everyone around me hates me or is talking behind my back. I have even started disliking my parents. The things that would give me pleasure now feel a burden to me.I am bored all the time.I daydream all the time or think about my past mistakes and then feel bad about myself.Since 8th grade my i have been mocked for my weight which now looking back, i didnt even have. I have been mocked for my overall looks and i feel so inferior around people . What is wrong with me. I criticize everything i do and feel that i cant do one good thing.Please help

Hello Amanda22,

We all have our own perceptions of things. I don't know you, nor the life you have grown up in. I don't know things you have done or things that have been done to you.

But everything I know in this life tells me that every person is worthy of good things to happen to them. This life is hard and crazy things happen to good people; and sometimes good people do crazy things.

Everyone has good worth. Never let anyone tell you different or try to convince you differently.

I dislike a lot of people. But just because you don't like someone doesn't mean you cannot love them.

Let me dive into that with an explanation: I have some family members that I cannot stand, but love them with all my heart. They make horrible decisions that I find disgusting and distasteful. But they are human beings and are flawed - they just handle their flaws differently than I handle mine. While theirs are more apparent mine are kept more subtle.

Amanda - I once felt like a loser. I am now 35 and daydream all the time. I feel bored all the time. I dwell on my past mistakes like they were a drug I am addicted to; then I feel those feelings of regret from those mistakes all over again.

Forgive yourself every day of those mistakes. Say your amends out loud. Do this until you truly feel you have forgiven yourself. Even if it takes you fifty years.

I'm not a psychiatrist or physician. But I could say you are highly depressed.

I don't know the situation with your parents or guardians. But if it is a good relationship you need to express to them how you feel. It is hard to express these things. It might do good to write them all down into a comprehensive letter and read it to them. That way you don't leave anything out. Make sure you include the most intimate of feelings. They may get scared or afraid - expect this. But you need support and need to see a doctor.

You are not alone!

Coming here and reaching out for help and guidance was a beautiful and smart first step. Now your next step needs to be contacting a professional practitioner of medicine and mental help.

You're not a freak. Our bodies are complex and make us feel an entire cornucopia of things - sometimes false things or hurtful things.

Also - as far as being mocked by people. Don't worry about them. People will always talk trash. Usually they are more insecure than you might think and that's why they do it.

I can relate a lot to your feelings.. I'm 18 as well.. I'm sorry you're struggling so much. Feel free to talk to me if you want.

i was told by an old friend that the best way to help myself was to help someone else and it works it gets me out of me and thats a good thing hang tuff and holler anytime

You have a number of resources at hand...

if you are still in school, talk to a guidance counsellor. There are school psychologists. They may be able to get a referral to a psychiatrist or psychologist outside the school system. They also can act as a go-between with getting your parents on board.

Similarly, your family doctor is a great resource.

Find out if either of your parents have an employee Assistance Plan (EAP). I've talked about these before. This is NOT to be confused with the benefits plan. EAPs are instead 'clearing houses' to resources - including having psychologists to talk to 24 hours a day. I called my own EAP once and they helped me with not only someone to talk to about stress but also legal counsel. An EAP is a very good resource. Most companies have them. If your parents are unsure, this information is available with their human resources.

I don't know if you have guidance counselors at your school but that would be a good place to start. Family doctors can help as well. When my daughter had anxiety in school she talked to her counselor and set up plans.