[chuckbill]

Ive been married to a man with narcissistic tendencies for a long time. He does this: When our grown children or other family members are with us, he discounts my opinions, tells me I am wrong, doesn't walk next to me... it's subtle, but definitely he is showing everyone I am not important. How can I respond at the time without being obnoxious?

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by chuckbill

Ive been married to a man with narcissistic tendencies for a long time. He does this: When our grown children or other family members are with us, he discounts my opinions, tells me I am wrong, doesn't walk next to me... it's subtle, but definitely he is showing everyone I am not important. How can I respond at the time without being obnoxious?

the first thing I would do would be look closer into things like his religion and cultural background (your post did not state whether his belief systems require him to be more dominant one in the family. not to mention there are many different kinds of relationships... some of which do require the female to be more submissive and discounted....there are many different belief/ sexuality and other systems that naturally require the female to be submissive and discounted.

if he isnt of these nationalities, religions/ races and such them my opinion is why be subtle and not obnoxious. this is america were americans are treated with respect and equality. to not do so is called discrimination and abuse in some states..

my point if this was me I would state flat out ....dont treat me like this, its discrimination and abusive. if you cant treat me in respectful / non discriminatory and non abusive ways then maybe we should not be together. (yes I have been there and done that and what I did.)

[Thunder Bow]

Seems like he is controlling you. He wants the attention.

[RubyRae]

Originally Posted by chuckbill

Ive been married to a man with narcissistic tendencies for a long time. He does this: When our grown children or other family members are with us, he discounts my opinions, tells me I am wrong, doesn't walk next to me... it's subtle, but definitely he is showing everyone I am not important. How can I respond at the time without being obnoxious?

Have you tried giving him a taste of his own medicine and treating him the same way?Sometimes actions speak louder than words.

[treevoice]

I agree with others who said maybe being subtle isn't the best option. I'm sure the people around you have noticed this, I'm sure they would respect and support you for standing up for yourself. Maybe it would shock him into changing. In my experience, most people don't change their behavior until there is a really good reason to do so. Subtle hints rarely get you far with those personality types.

[Sunflower123]

I agree with the others that being subtle might not work and that giving him a taste of his own medicine might be necessary. He is being disrespectful. Good luck in getting that straightened out. Best wishes.

[Unrigged64072835]

I wouldn't be subtle. That is verbal abuse and it needs to stop.

[Trippin2.0]

You actually want to go for obnoxious, not avoid it...

Trust me.

[Guiness187055]

Yell and scream. kick him in the nuts and use the brooklyn stomp on him.

[avlady]

he is obviously an attention seeker and is getting attention by using you. next time don't be so nice, but i also see your point because you probably don't want to do it in front of others.

[amandalouise]

just something to consider here... i know I said I would not be so worried about being obnoxious and would be very blunt but there are situations where this is ....not..... the best move... example if its a domestic violence situation then confronting the abuser is not a good thing, it can result in escalating the situation and possible death...

the poster did not state it was a domestic violence situation therefore I did not post from that point of view... but that does not mean it is not a DV situation. many (not all but many)....people in DV situations do not post online about their abuses very often.

the object in DV is dont rock the boat and get to safety .....first.... if planning to confront the abuser.

if you are in a DV situation my ....suggestion ..... is not to confront... make plans to get to a safe place where you can contact a domestic violence agency, they will tell you how to proceed based on your individual situation.

if this is a DV situation please be safe and consult your own treatment providers before doing what you read here, just like the disclaimer at the bottom of the page states.

I would not like to hear that someone tried what I did and ended up dead simply because I did not know the whole story of what is going on, all we get here is what people choose post and a majority of the time people who post online do not give every single detail of their lives. we read just a snippet of a persons life then we make suggestion based on what we did in that situation. but only you can decide whether what is being suggested fits or will cause you more harm.

my point please be safe and do what you think is best not what we think is best. you are the one in the situation not us.

[chuckbill]

Right! So, when others are around, he doesnt need my attention. He literally forgets that I exist! We can be eating with a group and get up to leave from the table, walk outside and down the street.... he wont even turn around to see where I am at any point. He has literally stopped remembering that I exist. Its embarrassing really. I stayed with him because I have 3 kids to support, he has put them through school....but of course, spent the rest of our money on foolish purchases for himself because he is so selfish. When I married him, I really had no sense of myself, I was mousy and opinionated. I grew up neglected with an alcoholic father and absent mother who didnt care about me. So, I didnt have any hobbies, know how I liked my eggs, what movies I liked. I had no friends, and I had deep shame. I was ripe for a controlling narcissist. I didnt realize what the problem was because I hated myself so much. I realize now, but still working on the self hate.

[RubyRae]

Originally Posted by Guiness187055

Yell and scream. kick him in the nuts and use the brooklyn stomp on him.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by RubyRae

lol yes I agree it was a good posting but the law may think otherwise lol recently the laws on inciting violence by way of internet and texting is becoming illegal and accessory to committing a crime should the person follow through with that action. which is why I did not .......post.... my thought the likes of the same as above lol

I would like to add if I may ....please be careful everyone its now illegal in some states to tell someone by text or online posting to do something like harming oneself or others. I wouldnt want to come on here one day and find out someone followed through with the incite to violence and then both the person and those inciting violence ended up in legal hot water.

As a lawyer in a recent very public court case where a girl got convicted of inciting suicide its one thing to think it, its another to suggest harming one self and others to someone. great saying that I now live by on the internet.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

lol yes I agree it was a good posting but the law may think otherwise lol recently the laws on inciting violence by way of internet and texting is becoming illegal and accessory to committing a crime should the person follow through with that action. which is why I did not .......post.... my thought the likes of the same as above lol

I would like to add if I may ....please be careful everyone its now illegal in some states to tell someone by text or online posting to do something like harming oneself or others. I wouldnt want to come on here one day and find out someone followed through with the incite to violence and then both the person and those inciting violence ended up in legal hot water.

As a lawyer in a recent very public court case where a girl got convicted of inciting suicide its one thing to think it, its another to suggest harming one self and others to someone. great saying that I now live by on the internet.

clarifying my post because the edit time is past.... the last paragraph it is the lawyer on the court case that said its one thing to think it, its another to suggest harming oneself and others. I was not that lawyer or the person that said it..