[grandmaof2angels]

hello, I haven't been here lately for awhile. Been going to therapy once a week and my therapist has given me homework before our next meeting. She told me at the last session that she knows that there is things I am wanting to talk about and about the time I try to start or want to tell her, I freeze and change the subject in her office. I don't know why I do it, I just don'w know. My homework is to figure out a way on how I can honestly be completely open and honest with her. TIA Cheri

[*Laurie*]

What about writing down what you want to say, then reading it to her in session?

[grandmaof2angels]

I can write down all I want but reading it allowed I just can't do it. I would change the words to different ones to put off telling her. She doesn't want to read what I write, because she can't tell how I am feeling or actions was when I was writing it, plus she thinks it will help me more. She won't let me use my alters, since I'm DID, and she not trained to work with DID. She knows when it's not me from just looking at me when I go to her office.

[Sunflower123]

Could you record it on your phone?

[grandmaof2angels]

don't have that on my phone. She is wanting me to be able to talk and stop trying to put my mask up, which I have had for years. If she would let one of my alters tell and talk to her, it would be much easier. This the first therapist out of all the ones I've had over the years that won't talk or associate with my alters.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm sorry. I have a similar struggle in therapy (although I do not have DID). Hugs

[reb569]

Maybe approach it one disclosure at a time, rather than a full disclosure? Maybe think of one thing, that you've never told her, and work on telling her that? Maybe a memory that is somewhat neutral?

[Sunflower123]

Please take a deep breath and take it slowly but do your best to get it out. It can only help you. Is this therapist a good fit for you?

[amandalouise]

this happened with me too where at a point in my therapy my therapist started requiring more from me and less from my alters. I have discovered this is the normal progression of treatment with DID whether a treatment provider works with dissociation disorders or not. short version as a person heals more is expected so that the person doesnt slip back into the old coping habits and continues to use the new ones. I hated reaching this point in therapy too. but it really did help me to not rely on dissociation regardless of the kind of therapist I had.

what made this transition from depending upon the alters to doing it myself was taking my time and starting small... have you ever played the game 20 questions? this is a game where one gets to ask 20 questions and the other answers simply yes or no.

well thats what I did. I would close my eyes and breath and my therapist would ask me a question that required just a yes or a no. we started out at 5 questions and worked our way up. and my therapist started out easy and as we progressed at being able to stay non dissociated the questions got harder.

over time I was able to give more than yes no answers.

[*Laurie*]

I can understand how it would be very hard to disclose information without the use of an alter. DID works. It assists survival. Seems to me that being asked to let go of the coping skills that have kept you going would be very, very difficult.

[grandmaof2angels]

thanks everyone. I did write her a note and told her what I think I would like to work on. thought it was gonna be easy at the appointment, but she dropped a bomb on me and I have really been out of it and hurting from stress and anxiety in my chest I do have heart disease and costacongitis which can feel like heart attack. I'm taking my pain meds and carry my nitro pills and patch with me I was finally diagnosed with MPD / DID for after years of therapy. My primary doctor knows I have them because he has had conversations with one or two of them. I have 5 alters left now and then she tells me they changing my diagnosed to Borderline, and that I don't have alters. That floored me. She says that DID alters do not know of each other and don't interact with each other. She doesn't have the training for working with DID people, but she says she knows of it because she thinks HER mom is DID, because she would have a different name for a couple days, and when change don't know what she did earlier. Question: Can someone heal from past abuses and emotion walls and mask with out going to therapy? Thanks in advance