Ok so I totally know this forum has been started in a myriad of different posts, but I'm at a loss. So I guess I should start by stating I'm a bipolar manic depressive with severe anxiety. I'm doing really well. I started seeing a therapist a few months ago. The issue arose when my T opened her door and I was instantly alarmed at how attracted I was to her. She is my type to the dime (physically that is). I'm gay BTW. so I'm sitting there thinking maybe I should leave, during our first appointment, but didn't. By the second appointment she off handedly made it known that she is also a lesbian. I'm not concerned about transference as much as I am about my issues with attraction to older women. I told her of this. She later made it known that she is in the exact age group of women I find myself attracted to. We have never really spoken about my sex life or the potential of developing attraction to her. Aside from this, nothing has raised any alarms. We've bumped into each other in public a few times, and the first time it happened she was with friends and waved/got my attention before grabbing hers. She later apologized for that. It didn't bother me. We also practice body therapy together, therefore hands on is involved in our sessions. I'm concerned about my own desire for her. However I respect and appreciate the work we have done together thus far. I guess I'm not sure what to do ......SOS. Any advice is appreciated.

[CANDC]

Hi ephemeralfeelings. Welcome to Psych Central. I am sorry you seem to have a therapist that may welcome flirting and does not always have well defined boundaries. If they were to get romantically involved with a client, they could potentially lose their license to practice. Some of their behavior seems risky and would not favorably impress me if they were my therapist that is supposed to get me out of my tangled past.

For your sake, it sounds like it could be confusing to have therapy mixed up with signals of romance which could diminish the effectiveness of therapy. I am not sure what the answer is but I think that what you are saying seems to indicate you see some yellow flags.

[Sunflower123]

Hello. Welcome to PC. I agree with CANDC. Do you think it might be a good idea to try another therapist? Sending big hugs.

I was just going to say what Jennifer said. I liked what CANDC said and what do you think about finding a different therapist? Welcome to Pc

[Quarter life]

Hi ephemeralfeelings.

I see that this is your first post here. For those who feel alone, or simply wanting to reach out for a chat without judgement......this is the place. There are many good listeners here... we're a pretty good bunch.

I have been an active member of this site for more than 3 years. In that time I have received some really constructive feedback and connected with several others with similar challenges to myself. I have also found hanging out in the Games Forums to be a welcome distraction in times of stress... a great way to clear my head, meet like minded others, and have some well needed fun. New members also benefit greatly from perusing the many forums available here...lots to explore.

Also after 5 approved posts members have the option to join the chatrooms..or chat one on one with other members.

Should you have any questions on navigating this site, please don't hesitate to private message me or any of the other Community Liaisons who will be more than happy to help. Just click on the screen name above my avatar.

Please be kind & generous to yourself ephemeralfeelings, and welcome to P.C

[nicoleflynn]

I would be wondering why she shared that she was a lesbion.

[pegasus]

Welcome to Psych Central.

A good therapist will have good boundaries and certainly would not be encouraging flirting. Unfortunately your therapist has already breached those professional boundaries even by waving to you while out of session. You don't need to know her sexual preferences either, so there are alarm bells ringing here. Therapy can be about anything that troubles you but you need a therapist that you trust and feel safe with. Please look into getting another therapist as the outlook with this one is not good.

Thank you all for your responses. I'd like to add that our appointments never feel as if we have crossed any line or boundary, but more like two friends...maybe this is the answer to my problem. But I've grown to trust her and really appreciate what she has to say. I guess....I guess I wish she didn't disclose to me as much (but I totally embrace it). I know quite a bit about her in our short time together. Which is making it difficult for me not to be attracted to her. She seems to point out our commonalities often...Maybe I'm just interpreting it all wrong, but I'm feeling like maybe I should bring this up. I'm just not sure I'm ready to find someone new yet.

Agh.

Originally Posted by ephemeralfeelings

Thank you all for your responses. I'd like to add that our appointments never feel as if we have crossed any line or boundary, but more like two friends...maybe this is the answer to my problem. But I've grown to trust her and really appreciate what she has to say. I guess....I guess I wish she didn't disclose to me as much (but I totally embrace it). I know quite a bit about her in our short time together. Which is making it difficult for me not to be attracted to her. She seems to point out our commonalities often...Maybe I'm just interpreting it all wrong, but I'm feeling like maybe I should bring this up. I'm just not sure I'm ready to find someone new yet.

Agh.

Hi Ephemeral, it sounds like you have a good connection with your t, and so moving on to a different t would feel difficult for you. Maybe you should bring your thoughts and feelings up to her and see what she thinks. I think it can be a common thing to be attracted to your therapist. People post about that sometimes in the psychotherapy section of PC. My question. Do you think your attraction to her will hinder your progress in therapy? It is up to you whether you stay or find a different t.

Originally Posted by ephemeralfeelings

Thank you all for your responses. I'd like to add that our appointments never feel as if we have crossed any line or boundary, but more like two friends...maybe this is the answer to my problem. But I've grown to trust her and really appreciate what she has to say. I guess....I guess I wish she didn't disclose to me as much (but I totally embrace it). I know quite a bit about her in our short time together. Which is making it difficult for me not to be attracted to her. She seems to point out our commonalities often...Maybe I'm just interpreting it all wrong, but I'm feeling like maybe I should bring this up. I'm just not sure I'm ready to find someone new yet.

Agh.

I think it is highly inappropriate the she brings up your commonalities, that she tells you a lot about herself, she revealed that she is a lesbian and that she told you that you are attracted to her age group (as far as I recall you saying here). Practically seems like she is dropping hints to date you!!! She is crossing professional boundaries left and right, and if I were you, I would be prepared to find a new therapist. This is not healthy or professional. Sorry to be so blunt. ((((hugs)))) and best wishes.

Thank you, again for the responses new friends! I guess I'm worried I'm misconstruing this situation. (One of my main issues seems to be overthinking everything- especially women- to the point of creating a problem.) one of my good trusted friends told me "of no physical lines have crossed, and you're making progress, who cares if you two are a little friendly?" And I think I'm rolling with that for now. I've really grown to trust her- and perhaps everything she has said and shared has just been her way of getting me to open up. I think her letting me know she is also a lesbian was her way of telling me that she is a safe ally. Maybe. Who knows. I did, however, try and say I'd like to only come once a week as opposed to twice a week due to my progress....(I was too chicken to bring all this up) and that didn't go as planned. She was apprehensive and said it's best we stick to two for now to keep foraging on with progress. I think I'm going nutty.

Originally Posted by nicoleflynn

I would be wondering why she shared that she was a lesbion.

My initial thoughts lead me to believe it was to make me feel more comfortable?

[pegasus]

Originally Posted by pegasus

Welcome to Psych Central.

A good therapist will have good boundaries and certainly would not be encouraging flirting. Unfortunately your therapist has already breached those professional boundaries even by waving to you while out of session. You don't need to know her sexual preferences either, so there are alarm bells ringing here. Therapy can be about anything that troubles you but you need a therapist that you trust and feel safe with. Please look into getting another therapist as the outlook with this one is not good.

I stand by what I said here. Sorry but I've seen too many people get hurt by therapist's with loose boundaries. Please consider finding another therapist.

Originally Posted by pegasus

I stand by what I said here. Sorry but I've seen too many people get hurt by therapist's with loose boundaries. Please consider finding another therapist.

I second this!

I'm hearing all this feedback- and reading ample material here to learn from- but why can't I seem to shake the fear that maybe I'm just interpreting it all wrong. Maybe she's the type of T that behaves more lax? Is this all in my head?? Because when I'm in session it never really feels like I'm being flirted with- it's not until later at home when I'm thinking back about the session that I feel maybe we are too comfortable, or friendly, with one another. Maybe I just feel comfortable with her. Agh. I'm feeling quite stressed.