[rdgrad15]

Ever been in a situation where you have to play dumb? If so, what was your reasoning for doing so? For me, there are usually three different reasons I may play dumb. First, I may do it in order to find out if someone is lying about something, although I rarely ever use this tatic. But it is an option. Second, it may be out of sarcasm, whether it is in the form of joking around or being serious. I rarely do this as well but if I do, it is just in the form of joking. And the third reason is that I don't want others to be creeped out or freaked out that I know something that, to me, seems like common sense knowledge but other people don't know and find it weird that I know something they don't. For me, this is the most common reason for playing dumb.

For example, if someone comes up to me and asks where someone else is at and it is not an urgent reason or if the person who is asking may not be known by the person they are looking for, then I usually may say I don't know even if I do know just so it won't come off as creepy that I seem to know where someone is located. Also, in certain situations, it is for security reasons too. Also other times I may just simply know something that I feel like is common sense knowledge or easy to know but others appear to not know anything, therefore, find it creepy or weird that I know something they don't. Anyone have these experiences? Anyone play dumb out of fear of coming off as creepy or freaking other people out? I usually do this out of fear and so I don't have to explain how I know, even though I feel like it is not a big deal.

[Shazerac]

I play dumb in situations as an assertive technique. It works well when someone is trying to guilt trip and/or manipulate me.
Example:

Inlaw: I need you need to take my cousin to the airport at 4:00am because I can't.

Me: I don't understand, why do I need to do it?

Inlaw: well I can't so YOU have to.

Me: I still don't understand, why do I have to do it?

Inlaw (raises voice getting irritated): well what kind of person won't help their own sister in law???

Me: I don't know....what kind of person would do that?

Inlaw: well fine I'll get someone else to do it!! (Hangs up phone)

It's a great teqnique I learned from a book I read called "when I say no I feel guilty."

[~Christina]

Shazerac that is fantastic !!!!

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by Shazerac

I play dumb in situations as an assertive technique. It works well when someone is trying to guilt trip and/or manipulate me.
Example:

Inlaw: I need you need to take my cousin to the airport at 4:00am because I can't.

Me: I don't understand, why do I need to do it?

Inlaw: well I can't so YOU have to.

Me: I still don't understand, why do I have to do it?

Inlaw (raises voice getting irritated): well what kind of person won't help their own sister in law???

Me: I don't know....what kind of person would do that?

Inlaw: well fine I'll get someone else to do it!! (Hangs up phone)

It's a great teqnique I learned from a book I read called "when I say no I feel guilty."

I love that! Never done that before but I could use that technique if I ever needed to if someone is trying to manipulate me.

[*Laurie*]

But isn't it ultimately healthier and more empowering to be straightforward and truthful? For example, "I would like to help you out inlaw, but I am unable to take your cousin to the airport that day."

I mean, being manipulative about being manipulated keeps communication on the level of manipulation. There's no personal growth in that.

[Shazerac]

Well Laurie. I beg to differ.

If I said "I would like to help you, but I am unable to take your cousin to the airport." That would be a BIG FAT LIE. I'm not going to let someone manipulate me into lying for their sake

There is no requirement that I have to want to help someone. Further more just because I'm capable of doing something doesn't mean I have to do it or even have to want to do it.

I'm not going to waffle around and say gee I want to but I can't. I don't like to say I can't when I can, but chose not to. It's a cop out. I'm not helpless, I can do whatever I want to do.

I help people all the time, but I do it by choice...not because someone browbeat me into it.

That may sound harsh, but friends and family are sometimes all to willing to guilt trip you into doing things. I no longer play that game.

In my opinion there's all kinds of growth in standing up for one's self and refusing to be manipulated.

[*Laurie*]

I don't see it as a big, fat lie...unless it's a lie. What's wrong with just stating the truth?

[Shazerac]

Originally Posted by *Laurie*

I don't see it as a big, fat lie...unless it's a lie. What's wrong with just stating the truth?

That's exactly what I am saying it would be a lie....because it's a lie. I don't understand how I'm not making myself clear. She told me I had to help her. I have no desire to do so and NO I don't have help her. I could have taken the cousin, I have a car, I can drive, but I again had no desire to do so.

I guess I could have been abrasive and said F you, it will be a cold day in hell before I drive your cousin to the airport. But I think that would be overkill.

[Sunflower123]

i don't tend to play dumb. I certainly think it's helpful in some situations and I can see the benefit. For the record, I say no I won't or simply no when somebody asks me to do something I don't want to do. Best wishes.

[Shazerac]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

i don't tend to play dumb. I certainly think it's helpful in some situations and I can see the benefit. For the record, I say no I won't or simply no when somebody asks me to do something I don't want to do. Best wishes.

Yay. Glad to hear it. That's what I usually do as well. It works great with most people. The playing dumb I was referring to is a method called fogging. A former T taught me how to do it. It's used in a specific setting where someone is trying to manipulate or guilt trip a person into doing something.

[*Laurie*]

Shazerac, it seems you're kind of defensive about this subject. If fogging works for you, so be it. I'm very familiar with the technique; it has always seemed ingenuine to me. That is, it seems like a manipulative form of communication, rather than a sincere way to communicate.

[Mountaindewed]

Sometimes I'll play dumb when the cat has thrown up and I don't want to clean it up as soon as I see it.

I act like I've just seen it when someone tells me. Then I clean it up.

I'm just being lazy though. ��