[palsera27]

My mom found out that I’m planning to move away to go change college. She has never supported my ambitions. In fact she told me I can to college to become a receptionist. She is very conservative and is proud of it. In her mind I’m being selfish for wanting more. She society where women were strongly discouraged from getting an education. In her society a woman’s sole purpose was to have children and be homemakers. That they were to be subordinates to their husband.

Her support for depends on where I’m at in life. If being mediocre and not achieving anything she’s fine. What bothers me the most is that it breaks her heart that I want to leave her. Usually she flies into a rage and I get discouraged and give up. She called me out the other day because I didn’t want be a Walmart cashier for the rest of my life. She told me you’re only 34 and you’re having job burn out.

[Grath]

I don't know how close you feel to your mother (beyond these conflicts), but overall I'd say: Your dreams come first. In the end, you should always have the final say concerning your future.

I understand if you're torn between wanting to have a good relationship with your mother after all and caring about your future. But sometimes, paradoxically, distancing yourself from some people for a period of time can bring you closer together in the end.
I remember that before I moved away for the first time, the atmosphere at home was horrible. My mother constantly asked me what the hell I wanted to do with my life and that she couldn't stand seeing me slack off all the time. When I left to get my own apartment, it wasn't on good terms with my family. Back then, I thought to myself: "Screw those people, I'm going to work and support myself!" And it actually worked. And over time and some distance, we grew closer again. Now I'm closer to my mother and my family than I was ever before. Both me and my parents learnt something, my parents that I wasn't completely useless and dependent, and I that I have to take more initiative.

Maybe it will anger your mother at first if you move away to pursue your dreams. Maybe you will get into fights at first. But don't think that nothing can ever change. I'm sure that your mother is able to adapt as well.

I for one admire your ambition and wish you lots of success.

Sometimes it is up to us to cut the apron strings.

[palsera27]

Thank everyone. I need to work on perseverance despite my mothers lack of approval and support. Sometimes she gets abusive. But she mentioned something about her not wanting me to succeed because I will become independent. She sees me leaving her as “losing me”’she’s afraid I will leave and never return. It’s not my job to console her. She doesn’t understand what she needs comes from within

[Princesa7]

Though I'm much younger than you, I experienced the same when my mother tried to manipulate me to do whatever she wanted, but I set up boundaries to stop her from being tiresome. If she continued, I'd say, "I'm tiring of your nasty attitude!" and walk out of the room. This action reversed her controlling manner, putting me back in the 'driving seat'. After several attempts to control me, Mum gave up.

When mothers become used to having their children around them, even if the children have become fully adult, they become increasingly dependent, but you need to put up boundaries so her sees that her clingy behaviour is not working.

You are quite within your right to leave home any time, but once you set in motion your ambition and she gets into a rage, that is her way of using controlling attitude to make you feel guilty, so you must resist it.

Prepare yourself for your mother to escalate her behaviour. A manipulator will not give up control without a fight. She may make all sorts of threats, but hold your position. She will accuse you of "being mean" and start crying about your uncaring attitude, even towering over you with her hands on her hips and glowering, "Your poor old Mum!"

I've heard it all before. If necessary, end the battle by "agreeing to disagree." Hold your position. Be prepared to repeat yourself many times until she relents because your mother is, after all, older than you and may begin to weaken. My mother did. Switching from anger and control she became dreadfully anxious since her husband left her and now I am the one who has become her official carer.

My partner Dixie and I live at home since I have two younger sisters and they need encouragement and support, too.

Pursue your dreams, but distance yourself for a while until the job of your dreams becomes established and then perhaps your Mum will see that you love her just as much, but you have a life to live, too.

All the best,
Julie

[pegasus]

You need to do what is right for you palsera. If you move out, that doesn't mean the end of the relationship with your Mom. It may even improve things between you.

At 34, your relationship with your mother should be adult to adult now, not parent to child. I hope you will pursue career goals to gain some independence and autonomy from your mother.