[rdgrad15]

Just a general thought, why is it that when someone does or says something another person doesn’t like, especially if it is someone with authority yelling at someone under them, they get mad at the person for giving an excuse after asking the person why he or she did or said something that wasn’t liked? I understand that there is really no good excuse for any poor behavior, but at the same time, I always thought if someone does not want to hear a reason or an excuse, they shouldn’t ask and then get mad afterwards.

Is this just some form of power control? Is there another reason some people do this? Like I mentioned, there is absolutely no excuse for poor behavior or just something that may not have exactly been bad, but just something someone else did not like. None whatsoever, even if the person has a disability or something. But at the same time, I feel like if they ask for a reason, they should expect some form of response. I always felt like giving a reason and giving an excuse are two seperate things. What are your thoughts? Just wondered.

[bunnyhabit]

Originally Posted by rdgrad15

Just a general thought, why is it that when someone does or says something another person doesn’t like, especially if it is someone with authority yelling at someone under them, they get mad at the person for giving an excuse after asking the person why he or she did or said something that wasn’t liked? I understand that there is really no good excuse for any poor behavior, but at the same time, I always thought if someone does not want to hear a reason or an excuse, they shouldn’t ask and then get mad afterwards.

Is this just some form of power control? Is there another reason some people do this? Like I mentioned, there is absolutely no excuse for poor behavior or just something that may not have exactly been bad, but just something someone else did not like. None whatsoever, even if the person has a disability or something. But at the same time, I feel like if they ask for a reason, they should expect some form of response. I always felt like giving a reason and giving an excuse are two seperate things. What are your thoughts? Just wondered.

to me a reason is a logical and believable cause for misbehavior whereas an excuse is a emotional and nonsensical diversion that the misunderstanding was caused by someone else other than me. the authorities are the judges of wheather i am reasoning or excusing in response to their admonitionment of my behavior as well as punishment to be rendered.

With out examples it is difficult to tailor my reply. I can provide my own cases though when I did just what I think the OP is referring to. As an individual in authority there have been plenty of times I did not accept an excuse and held the person accountable accordingly - usually when they have been grossly irresponsible or unreliable. For instance, showing up to work with a hangover; it is not my fault you were up late on a work night, you still have a job to perform.

[Thunder Bow]

It Is all about power and control.

[Rythm]

I don‘t really get what you mean. Do you mean that if you want someone with authority to stop doing something they get mad because you‘re under them and telling them to stop doing something?

[Taylor27]

Some people enjoy having power, authority over others. I have been in those types of situations where people have yelled at me and said i was full of excuses. Now that im full of excuses. I have actually watched a few past friends who tried to have power over me. They seem to get enjoyment out of it. I have no idea why, is it to feed there ego or to boost there self esteem i dont know. All i can say is no one deserves to be yelled at or told there full of excuses unless it can be proven it is excuses.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

With out examples it is difficult to tailor my reply. I can provide my own cases though when I did just what I think the OP is referring to. As an individual in authority there have been plenty of times I did not accept an excuse and held the person accountable accordingly - usually when they have been grossly irresponsible or unreliable. For instance, showing up to work with a hangover; it is not my fault you were up late on a work night, you still have a job to perform.

Oh I'm sorry. Yeah I'll provide some examples. So, I've seen it happen to other people, and it has even happened to me, where someone has asked me to do something and I will misunderstand them. If they ask why I didn't do what they said the first time, I will say I just didn't hear them properly and apologize. In many cases, the response would be them saying no excuse and that they don't want to hear me say that again. And they would be angry about it too. I've had my parents do it, as well as other people. I've seen it happen to other people too. They misunderstand someone, whether it was because they didn't hear or something else was going on and it was a genuine mistake, a small mistake that is not a big deal, but a mistake that needs correcting. Even if the person provides a genuine reason and apologizes, whoever is yelling will just say no excuse and not to use that excuse again.

That's the most common thing I've seen happen to others, as well as happen to me. This isn't just work related as well, it is just in general. Yes, the example you provided is exactly true. There is no excuse for showing up for work hung over. I would have done the same thing as you did. I just mean small stuff like I mentioned, stuff that is just a genuine accident or something that is not even a big deal and doesn't cause any problems. Yes, I agree that if there was a mistake made, the person should still be held accountable whether it is a small simple mistake that doesn't harm anyone both in social situations or at work, or if it is something so severe that it merits a termination from a job or can be grounds for a relationship break up. No doubt about it. I just wonder why if someone doesn't want to hear an excuse for a minor mistake or misunderstanding, then why ask for one in the first place. That's what I was wondering. Sorry for the confusion, I can see how my original thread was confusing.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by Rythm

I don‘t really get what you mean. Do you mean that if you want someone with authority to stop doing something they get mad because you‘re under them and telling them to stop doing something?

No, I'll provide the same example as I gave to a previous poster. Lets say someone, whether they are someone of authority or just someone else you are friends with or know at the same level, both at work and social situations. The person asks you to do something for them and either you just don't hear them at all or you misunderstand them and do it the wrong way, thinking you were doing it the right way. The person asks you why you didn't listen and you politely say you just didn't hear them correctly and even apologize. The person responds with an angry, "No excuses. Never want to hear that again." I just wonder why someone would ask for a reason if they don't want to hear it. Yes the real reason could sound like an excuse but at the same time, if they just don't want to hear it, then they shouldn't ask in the first place. That's what I was wondering.

[mote.of.soul]

Hi. I can't really provide an academic framework, but the way I see it is basically that even though you've provided the person with an honest explanation and even an apology, they're still a bit angry - for their own reason really, it's in their mind - and so the taint of anger is still speaking when they essentially dismiss your explanation and apology as an 'excuse'. I think, in their own way, what they're really saying is 'try harder, please, or I might have angry feelings again.'

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by mote.of.soul

Hi. I can't really provide an academic framework, but the way I see it is basically that even though you've provided the person with an honest explanation and even an apology, they're still a bit angry - for their own reason really, it's in their mind - and so the taint of anger is still speaking when they essentially dismiss your explanation and apology as an 'excuse'. I think, in their own way, what they're really saying is 'try harder, please, or I might have angry feelings again.'

Oh okay that makes sense.

Originally Posted by rdgrad15

Oh I'm sorry. Yeah I'll provide some examples. So, I've seen it happen to other people, and it has even happened to me, where someone has asked me to do something and I will misunderstand them. If they ask why I didn't do what they said the first time, I will say I just didn't hear them properly and apologize. In many cases, the response would be them saying no excuse and that they don't want to hear me say that again. And they would be angry about it too. I've had my parents do it, as well as other people. I've seen it happen to other people too. They misunderstand someone, whether it was because they didn't hear or something else was going on and it was a genuine mistake, a small mistake that is not a big deal, but a mistake that needs correcting. Even if the person provides a genuine reason and apologizes, whoever is yelling will just say no excuse and not to use that excuse again.

That's the most common thing I've seen happen to others, as well as happen to me. This isn't just work related as well, it is just in general. Yes, the example you provided is exactly true. There is no excuse for showing up for work hung over. I would have done the same thing as you did. I just mean small stuff like I mentioned, stuff that is just a genuine accident or something that is not even a big deal and doesn't cause any problems. Yes, I agree that if there was a mistake made, the person should still be held accountable whether it is a small simple mistake that doesn't harm anyone both in social situations or at work, or if it is something so severe that it merits a termination from a job or can be grounds for a relationship break up. No doubt about it. I just wonder why if someone doesn't want to hear an excuse for a minor mistake or misunderstanding, then why ask for one in the first place. That's what I was wondering. Sorry for the confusion, I can see how my original thread was confusing.

It sounds like the real problem is a lack of Communication. A good leader would adequately explain the task delegated to you. A good leader would ask if you understood. I good leader would have you demonstrate this understanding. Only then would a good leader leave you to perform it.

What comes to mind? I encourage you to do just that as well. Ask questions to ensure you understand. Ask them to demonstrate what they want.

Would I be right in saying that there is a frustration going both ways? Is there a lead hand or HR to go to? Is there someone you trust within the workplace who you could approach to advocate for you?

My final comment is that there is a stark difference between a reason and an excuse. A reason is something beyond your control. An excuse isn't.

Say tomorrow I ruin a test at school. A reason would be: I was sick the two weeks before the test. An excuse: [I couldn't help it,] I was sick the day before!

I've done some stuff I needed to apologize for. I usually started with apologizing, then explained why I did it, then said I would try to do better in the future (but that I might not be able to). For example if I run out of class because I suddenly get scared of the teacher, I will email to apologize, because running out of class is never acceptable. I will then explain what happened, why I did it. Then I will state my intentions for the future.

An excuse would be more like "Sorry for running out of class, but I got scared of you. I have PTSD."

I think in the end an excuse is like claiming the right to mess up because of x, or shaking off the responsibility
A reason is when you acknowledge it was not acceptable and then explain why you did it.

[Thunder Bow]

Angry people will vent their anger on someone if they think they can get away with it.