[Albertina]

Hello,

I have struggled with anxiety for most of my life. I have seen a therapist and although I have improved a lot over the last few years I feel that something is happening to me and I don't know what it is.

When I speak to people I think that they hate me and I don't connect with anyone, not even my closet friends. I used to be a pretty emotional person, but now I don't feel much at all, I can't remember the last time I cried and I feel like I'm faking emotions all of the time and that people can tell. When I go outside, it feels like everyone is staring and judging me. When I catch eyes with people in the street it's like they know that I am bad and they can read my thoughts and know things about me.

I feel really paranoid and I go through these phases of feeling this way and then phases of feeling really confident and I don't care about anything. I don't know what's going on with me, but I thought writing it down would maybe help...

Albertina x

[mote.of.soul]

Hi Albertina. I can relate very much to your experience. What you're describing sounds very much like social anxiety. I was diagnosed with social anxiety and all those aspects you mentioned are present in the disorder and are present in me also - that's why your post resonated with me. At the same time though, I'm not qualified to say it is SA you have, but I will say, mention it to your therapist so they can help you minimize or overcome completely those symptoms - which is what I'm trying to do. Because you don't want it to become severe - if it isn't already.

[avlady]

I have the same feelings and thoughts sometimes too, especially outside and away from my home. I think i have agorophobia, because of it. I do get out with my husband, as he drives and i don't. I hate going to docs appointments, which i have many, and i have a psychologist come to my home 2 times a month. I feel safer at home.

[tevelygo]

Originally Posted by Albertina

Hello,

I have struggled with anxiety for most of my life. I have seen a therapist and although I have improved a lot over the last few years I feel that something is happening to me and I don't know what it is.

When I speak to people I think that they hate me and I don't connect with anyone, not even my closet friends. I used to be a pretty emotional person, but now I don't feel much at all, I can't remember the last time I cried and I feel like I'm faking emotions all of the time and that people can tell. When I go outside, it feels like everyone is staring and judging me. When I catch eyes with people in the street it's like they know that I am bad and they can read my thoughts and know things about me.

I feel really paranoid and I go through these phases of feeling this way and then phases of feeling really confident and I don't care about anything. I don't know what's going on with me, but I thought writing it down would maybe help...

Albertina x

Sounds like some of the stuff from Avoidant personality disorder. Sort of social anxiety, yes, but not the kind that simply acts like a phobia. It's more the kind that results from your focus on what people might think about you (which is what you've described very well in your post). Changing some of the thinking patterns can help here but I think you need more than that, see below.

The other thing you've described is some traumatic shutdown of emotions. It apparently can be a long and painful process to reconnect with the emotions, because the issue (the trauma) has to be processed emotionally, at least this is what I've read.

I suggest you describe all this to your therapist too and request specific treatment targeting these issues.

I wish you good luck!

[possum220]

Please go and see a fully trained psychologist or Psychiatrist to get a formal diagnoses and from there you can begin to deal with feelings or lack thereof and the paranoia.

We cannot diagnose you but we can be here to listen and support.