[rdgrad15]

Has anyone ever been invited to a friend's house only to find out upon arriving that they had company? I've had this happen to me a couple times and it makes me feel awkward simce I feel like I shouldn't be there. In fact, there has been a few times where I was invited to her house and then afterwards, She would tell me that there would be other people there as well. Upon finding out, I would back out of hanging out politely. I just feel like it isn't right to just go over to someone's house when they gave company. Sometimes other family members are visiting and other times neighbors or people from their church are visiting. Even though she says it is okay, I still feel awkward because I worry that even though she may be okay with it, other people, including her parents, may not be. I just feel out of place and another reason is because since I am over there a lot and we hang out a lot, I worry they may think, you're here all the time, why did you come when we have other people here.

My friend says it is okay but I worry that she either is being too careless in her thinking or that she may not realize that other people really won't want me around when there is company. Have you guys turned down plans politely in order to avoid being around company at a friend's house? Just wondered what you all thought. As much as some people, including me, may not care for hanging out with family members or just other people that you are not close to, I still feel like it is somewhat inappropriate to have a friend over while company is there, especially if it is a holiday. That's how I am. I dislike it when company is over but at the same time, when there is company, I never invite friends over. It may be awkward and seem out of place. It has happened to me a couple times and I felt very uncomfortable, felt like I was intruding on their own personal time with each other.

[Thunder Bow]

I agree with you. Two is company, three is a crowd. It seems she is not that interested in you. Very rude.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

I agree with you. Two is company, three is a crowd. It seems she is not that interested in you. Very rude.

Yeah in a sense it makes me think she doesn't really think about how it affects others when she invites me over to her house while there is company over.

Perhaps I am misinterpreting this. Are you not 'company' too? Are you not being asked to join in and be part of a larger group? I would feel glad that my friend is thinking highly enough of me to include me as a friend amongst others and family members. I see this as her thinking you are an equal and that being asked to participate within the larger group is a privilege. It may go against what you are feeling but are you able to turn this around on yourself and see and feel that you actually are being extended a kindness? Self-isolation is such a problem for many of us. Perhaps you might find the strength to bring yourself to take advantage of these situations to combat this.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

Perhaps I am misinterpreting this. Are you not 'company' too? Are you not being asked to join in and be part of a larger group? I would feel glad that my friend is thinking highly enough of me to include me as a friend amongst others and family members. I see this as her thinking you are an equal and that being asked to participate within the larger group is a privilege. It may go against what you are feeling but are you able to turn this around on yourself and see and feel that you actually are being extended a kindness? Self-isolation is such a problem for many of us. Perhaps you might find the strength to bring yourself to take advantage of these situations to combat this.

I can understand what you mean. I was just always told that it is inappropriate to be at other people's houses when they have company of their own. And I worry that even though my friend is okay with it, other people may not be. But I get what you mean. I just like to make sure other people are secretly wondering why I am there and wishing I would leave. But yeah it is always worth a try.

I think it comes down to how your friend makes an introduction of you to the others present. I have thought further on my initial reply. I remain thinking that her invitation is an act of kindness but it occurs to me that as her guest, she has a responsibility to try to make you feel comfortable. It is up to her to welcome you to the rest of the group and to make efforts to include you. This starts with a proper introduction to the others. Is a failure to do this perhaps causing you to feel less than welcome?

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

I think it comes down to how your friend makes an introduction of you to the others present. I have thought further on my initial reply. I remain thinking that her invitation is an act of kindness but it occurs to me that as her guest, she has a responsibility to try to make you feel comfortable. It is up to her to welcome you to the rest of the group and to make efforts to include you. This starts with a proper introduction to the others. Is a failure to do this perhaps causing you to feel less than welcome?

Sort of. Not so much a failure on her part, but more of the opposite. It appears as if others in her house seem unhappy by me being there. Even if it is people she works with. A couple times she invited me to hang out with her and a few of her coworkers, she introduced me to them but they treated me like I didn't exist so that's why I worry at times. I understand that they don't know me, but some of them don't really even make an attempt to make conversation other than just saying hi. Makes it awkward.

okay, I am having a sense of this now.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

okay, I am having a sense of this now.

Yeah. I agree with what you said before, she is trying to be polite. I am glad. But I don’t think she is really thinking about whether others are okay with it. That’s why it is awkward. If she ever invited me to hang out with a group and they all seemed to like me there, then I would be okay with it, but if they don’t seem happy, then I am not comfortable. Basically I think her heart is in the right place, but her thinking process is a little scattered.

What happens when you are the primary invited person. Does she bring additional people into a scenario you thought would otherwise just be the two of you? Do you notice whether these other people are also uncomfortable?

What you might wish to do, next time you get an invitation, is to ask her who will be present. Go ahead and be honest about your comfort zone. Let her know that you would love to get together but that a crowd can be difficult for you. A friend would understand this.

[Thunder Bow]

You would feel better avoiding that situation in the future. Your an outsider.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

What happens when you are the primary invited person. Does she bring additional people into a scenario you thought would otherwise just be the two of you? Do you notice whether these other people are also uncomfortable?

What you might wish to do, next time you get an invitation, is to ask her who will be present. Go ahead and be honest about your comfort zone. Let her know that you would love to get together but that a crowd can be difficult for you. A friend would understand this.

Sometimes I know and sometimes I don’t. I will definitely try this. I’m sure she will have no problem telling me.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

You would feel better avoiding that situation in the future. Your an outsider.

Yeah I know.

[Brownmike]

Originally Posted by rdgrad15

Has anyone ever been invited to a friend's house only to find out upon arriving that they had company? I've had this happen to me a couple times and it makes me feel awkward simce I feel like I shouldn't be there. In fact, there has been a few times where I was invited to her house and then afterwards, She would tell me that there would be other people there as well. Upon finding out, I would back out of hanging out politely. I just feel like it isn't right to just go over to someone's house when they gave company. Sometimes other family members are visiting and other times neighbors or people from their church are visiting. Even though she says it is okay, I still feel awkward because I worry that even though she may be okay with it, other people, including her parents, may not be. I just feel out of place and another reason is because since I am over there a lot and we hang out a lot, I worry they may think, you're here all the time, why did you come when we have other people here.

My friend says it is okay but I worry that she either is being too careless in her thinking or that she may not realize that other people really won't want me around when there is company. Have you guys turned down plans politely in order to avoid being around company at a friend's house? Just wondered what you all thought. As much as some people, including me, may not care for hanging out with family members or just other people that you are not close to, I still feel like it is somewhat inappropriate to have a friend over while company is there, especially if it is a holiday. That's how I am. I dislike it when company is over but at the same time, when there is company, I never invite friends over. It may be awkward and seem out of place. It has happened to me a couple times and I felt very uncomfortable, felt like I was intruding on their own personal time with each other.

Yes. I know exactly how you feel..

About ten years ago I had two roommates, both girls. They were both very outgoing and friendly so they had company over a lot. I used to work nights and I’d come home early in the morning to basically a party going on in the living room. I hated it, I too felt out of place. So I’d go to my room and hide in there but that just made me feel more awkward because I was sure they were all talking about my odd behavior.

I hate going somewhere and being around a large group of strangers.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by Brownmike

Yes. I know exactly how you feel..

About ten years ago I had two roommates, both girls. They were both very outgoing and friendly so they had company over a lot. I used to work nights and I’d come home early in the morning to basically a party going on in the living room. I hated it, I too felt out of place. So I’d go to my room and hide in there but that just made me feel more awkward because I was sure they were all talking about my odd behavior.

I hate going somewhere and being around a large group of strangers.

Oh wow I would hate that. Yeah I hate being around a large group of people too. And I am sure they don’t like it when I am around as well. For me, no more than like 3 or 4 other people and even that depends on how close I am to them. For strangers or other people I am not close to, like family members or other acquaintances, basically none. I like to be alone. When it comes to a friend group, no more than like 3 or 4 and even that is pushing it.

[Brownmike]

Originally Posted by rdgrad15

Oh wow I would hate that. Yeah I hate being around a large group of people too. And I am sure they don’t like it when I am around as well. For me, no more than like 3 or 4 other people and even that depends on how close I am to them. For strangers or other people I am not close to, like family members or other acquaintances, basically none. I like to be alone. When it comes to a friend group, no more than like 3 or 4 and even that is pushing it.

If I know the people I don’t mind large groups, but I hate going to parties full of strangers or bars with large groups of people I don’t know.

I’ve gotten to the point where it just feels tedious to me trying to talk to strangers. It’s like work. I try to fake being interested in what they’re saying but it’s hard.

I can’t seem to hold a job and I’ve been working low paying low skill jobs through mostly temp agencies lately....and I have zero in common with most of my coworkers. Some are nice people but most don’t have any interested besides watching TV and getting drunk. It’s just hard to relate to people like that so I try to work by myself as much as possible.

I used to work in a restaurant and I loved most of my coworkers, a lot were college educated or in college. A lot had mental issues or were just not normal which is always interesting to me. I just got to the point where I couldn’t handle dealing with customers anymore, if not I’d still work in restaurants.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by Brownmike

If I know the people I don’t mind large groups, but I hate going to parties full of strangers or bars with large groups of people I don’t know.

I’ve gotten to the point where it just feels tedious to me trying to talk to strangers. It’s like work. I try to fake being interested in what they’re saying but it’s hard.

I can’t seem to hold a job and I’ve been working low paying low skill jobs through mostly temp agencies lately....and I have zero in common with most of my coworkers. Some are nice people but most don’t have any interested besides watching TV and getting drunk. It’s just hard to relate to people like that so I try to work by myself as much as possible.

I used to work in a restaurant and I loved most of my coworkers, a lot were college educated or in college. A lot had mental issues or were just not normal which is always interesting to me. I just got to the point where I couldn’t handle dealing with customers anymore, if not I’d still work in restaurants.

Same. If it is a very small group of people I know, then that is one thong. But large groups, especially groups of people I don’t know, make me uncomfortable. I’m sorry you striggle as well and hope things get better.

[SeekerSeeking]

Originally Posted by rdgrad15

I can understand what you mean. I was just always told that it is inappropriate to be at other people's houses when they have company of their own. And I worry that even though my friend is okay with it, other people may not be. But I get what you mean. I just like to make sure other people are secretly wondering why I am there and wishing I would leave. But yeah it is always worth a try.

Hi rdgrad15--I have a couple thoughts...
1. while you were taught it was inappropriate to be at another's house when they have company--others may have been taught a totally different rule.
2. Just be you. If others are not okay with it--that is their dilemma to solve.
3. You can't see other folks thoughts so what good is it to wonder what they are thinking? Don't make up 'stories' about what you think they are thinking cause, again, you don't know.

Also, it is perfectly okay to back out if you find your friend invited others over. Let her know, you feel uncomfortable, in that situation. Then she knows, if she continues to do it--she is disregarding your feelings. And feel free to cancel or leave...hope that helps.