[DP_2017]

I only discovered this is an actual thing, this past week. Other than the part of putting yourself before others (I care way more about others than myself), it fits me very well

I always do my best to keep people emotionally distant. I have issues with intimacy and such. I am in therapy but ironically now I've got sucked into the attachment of therapy and am finding myself very uncomfortable and freaked out because of feeling so close to someone. I HATE depending on him, even slightly.

Is there any way to actually deal with this? I'm not sure therapy alone is gonna help. I just can not find reasons to allow myself to depend on or want people close in my life. Having this with him is bad enough. A mental battle in my mind of trying to embrace it and see what happens and trying to fun away from it.

[healingme4me]

I once had therapy described to me, as when one reaches a level of discomfort, that it's worth battling through as one is at the cusp of a breakthrough.

[Perna]

I think the only way to deal with it is to work on it and therapy is a good place to do that. Unless you actually want to shy away from intimate relationships the rest of your life, you gotta learn to trust, something we didn't learn in our original families? Think of it as "exciting" rather than scary? LOL I do that sometimes when I'm trying to shift my poor attitudes so I can work/deal with something difficult.

[DP_2017]

I know I gotta fight through it, he knows all about it and how hard it is for me. I just keep waiting for things to fall apart and me left hurt or something. I'm angry at myself for getting close to anyone.

I'm not sure I want it in the future, I would like to at least trust people more though

[SeekerSeeking]

When you feel uncomfortable in therapy--that's when you stay. Otherwise, you just run away and the problems continue; I'm saying this from experience.

Relationships are messy; they just are... In therapy I learned that it was not my fear of intimacy or getting hurt that was my problem. My problem was that I didn't trust myself to be able to handle it. I do trust me now--and I have friends, some evergreen some seasonal. And I am grateful for all of them.

Hope you find your way. I'm wishing you strength and light...