I don’t understand what’s going on.

I am definitely depressed no ifs or ands but about it. What I don’t understand is why and all I can think of is my child hood. As far back as I can remember I was different and an outcast with others my age. I didn’t even get along with my cousins well. I felt neglected by my parents because they always seemed to want to do things for my brothers but not often for me. My mom was sick a lot when I was younger and I understand that, but I don’t understand my father. I feel like I don’t matter to him now and I am 26 years old. He told me I will never marry and I took that to heart for so long. He even admitted to me and my cousin that he often waited till I would stop asking for something as a child because he knew I’d change my mind. (Some of the things I still want to do to this day). I know he has openly lied to me, forgotten me and other things. I honestly don’t want my kids any where near him, when I finally have them, with out supervision. I don’t know what you consider abuse or not anymore but he is like the child hood memory scar. I remember he gave me money and my mom money to go shopping or for food. Yet he did the same with my brothers and supported them In anything they wanted to try or do. I understand some of mine were not practical wants but I felt like I was second rate to a man/boy going up what would you call this?

Hi weareallmadhere93. Welcome to Psych Central. I am sorry your childhood was difficult to understand and still troubles you.

Not sure what it might be but these might be of interest.

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/recov...an-cope-part-1

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/recov...n-cope-part-2/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/childh...he-fatal-flaw/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-ch...relationships/

Yes thank you.