[t0t0r0555]

First of all, I would like to apologize if my question sounds ignorant or anything because I will stay ignorant forever if I don't ask this.

My question is...
how and why, someone with a perfect life and always happy can have depression? As for me, I am depressed because my life is so ******, I am useless, my existence is nothing, no one needs me, I am ugly, I am fat.....I feel all that until I thought about suicide. So...what's going through in someone who's depressed but happy's mind?

Again, I'm very sorry if this question sounds rude. All that I know is depression doesn't have a face. I just want to know what's going on their mind that bring them to being depressed, suicidal etc.

I have a great life. Married, kids, own a business, nice house, vacations. I still struggle with depression. Why?

1) I have bipolar disorder. I require medications for the chemical imbalance in my brain so I dont get depressed or manic.

2) I suffered severe childhood trauma that I believe brought out my borderline personality disorder along with PTSD. I get triggered and it's like falling down a well.

Anyone can suffer from depression for any number of reasons. Just because you think their life is happy, that doesnt mean that it is. Sometimes it does come down to a chemical imbalance. Sometimes its situational. It's different for everyone.

When I was severely depressed one of the worst things a friend said to me was: you have a good life, what do you have to be sad about? Not only was I not "sad" but in severe depression, it also added a huge layer of guilt on to me that made me feel worse. I felt guilt for having a depression I couldn't control.

SadGirl is describing me as well. Having bipolar I am prone to bouts of depression. I've been hospitalised twice - both times during what should have been happy periods in my life. Having depression may have nothing to do with how well or well not my life is going.

I want to point out too that even those who appear to have it all may really be struggling. Maybe what they have is tenuous and they worry about losing it all. Maybe they have a particularly poor view of their self-worth, maybe they are desperately worried about failure or not living up to expectations.

Your question is timed to coincide with several high profile suicides. I think these people were feeling all that I have mentioned. First of all, they were incredibly talented artists which fits the bill for having mental illnesses. Second of all, they must have been under considerable pressure to be creatively productive. I imagine then the fear of failure and questioning of their self worth contributed to a pre-existing mental health illness.

[Blueberrybook]

Anyone can have had a crappy childhood or bad time in their life. Now, I don't have it all; we just scrape by financially, I had a recent medical emergency that gave us tons of expensive medical bills, I'm thin, I was an overachiever in high school (valedictorian), college (grauduated summa cum laude with one B with a degree in Microbiology), got an M.S. in Cell & Molecular Biology. I'm thin, sure, but I've also had an eating disorder in college & thoughts still stick around (anorexia). I was sexually abused as a child and then again years later there was an incident in a massage parlor. I was the unintended victim of a shooting. I have a husband with a Ph.D. who can't find work now that the government has pulled most of its funding for NASA to do research. I have a brilliant daughter (gifted & talented), pulls high grades, but she has tons of sensory issues bordering on autism. I have bipolar disorder. I have panic disorder. I have PTSD. Some days mentally, I'm a mess. Mental illness runs deep in my mom's side of the family. My sister is doing geneology, and when she pulled my great grandfather's death certificate cause of death was given as hanged by a rope (I'd always heard he committed suicide). I suspect my maternal grandfather was bipolar; he was always up & down. I think some people get unlucky and family genes play a role in it too. Also, about the sexual abuse thing...I don't know the stats for boys & males, but 1 out of every 3-4 women will be exposed to it to some extent in her lifetime, and let me tell you, whether it happens as an adult or a child, the guilt & shame just have a way of eating you at your core.

Life is complicated and multi-faceted. What we present to the outside world, even to friends and family is not what we feel inside and don't show the scars or pressure a person may feel.

[Quarter life]

Not a silly question at all.

Both are dreadful states to be in, but I know that there is a difference from being Depressed and suffering from Clinical Depression. As a general rule being depressed 'most times than not' manifests from outside influences & negative life events. However Clinical Depression can manifest as a secondary issue from chronic illness, and/or faulty/imbalanced brain chemicals. Hence sometimes we witness those who on the outside seem to have the 'perfect life' fall victim to clinical depression...even though outwardly there are no apparent influences to cause said 'depression'.

This is not to say that someone who is going through depression won't develop clinical depression, as feeling low & despondent can wreak havoc on an otherwise healthy person.

My explanation of how the 2 differ may not be as exacting as I would like.....But I hope that makes things a little clearer.

[Shazerac]

Depression is sort of “which came first? The chicken or the egg” kind of question. Feeling useless ugly and fat can lead to depression. However depression can lead us to think we are useless, worthless, ugly, fat, etc. it can end up being a self defeating closed loop.

Speaking only for myself I try to deal with the depression first rather that the i’m worthless feelings. I find with the right Meds and self care that I start feeling better about myself and no longer feel ugly and worthless. I even have days where I feel fabulous

[*Laurie*]

In most cases depression is a neurological (brain/body) disorder. for example, someone can be very happy and successful, but still get a virus and be terribly sick. Depression is the same way.

[luvyrself]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

SadGirl is describing me as well. Having bipolar I am prone to bouts of depression. I've been hospitalised twice - both times during what should have been happy periods in my life. Having depression may have nothing to do with how well or well not my life is going.

I want to point out too that even those who appear to have it all may really be struggling. Maybe what they have is tenuous and they worry about losing it all. Maybe they have a particularly poor view of their self-worth, maybe they are desperately worried about failure or not living up to expectations.

Your question is timed to coincide with several high profile suicides. I think these people were feeling all that I have mentioned. First of all, they were incredibly talented artists which fits the bill for having mental illnesses. Second of all, they must have been under considerable pressure to be creatively productive. I imagine then the fear of failure and questioning of their self worth contributed to a pre-existing mental health illness.

—-I love what you said. The world is very stressful and most people have no idea what true depression or mania or rapid cycling feel like. Also Kate Spade and Tony Bourdain were both going through divorce, aside from having dealt with depression for years. I think much of psychiatric care is inadequate.

[-jimi-]

I have had a good life and when I was depressed I had no reason for it. Still I feel I shouldn't have to defend myself. It would be like having to defend why I have lupus (because I do), because I haven't lead a particularly unhealthy life.

Some get depressed because life beats them down a lot, some do because for them depression is an illness in itself. Depression isn't the opposite of being happy, depression is the opposite of being mentally healthy.

[avlady]

this is just a thought here but i was wondering if some people who comitt suicide never really felt depression or if they did it was not so bad as others get it, so they don't know what they are feeling so they feel it so bad as compared to others that are depressed alot, so they don't know how to deal with it and kill themselves out of sheer ignorance as to the feeling of depression itself.

[GreenAlien2]

Originally Posted by *Laurie*

In most cases depression is a neurological (brain/body) disorder. for example, someone can be very happy and successful, but still get a virus and be terribly sick. Depression is the same way.

I never thought about it this way. Thank you!
I feel I function 100% on the outside and no one is aware...yet on the inside a complete different story and I am the only one that knows that I have the virus
.

[Candy1955]

Same way I feel. Great way to explain it. I may even be a carrier...

[lizardlady]

Originally Posted by t0t0r0555

First of all, I would like to apologize if my question sounds ignorant or anything because I will stay ignorant forever if I don't ask this.

My question is...
how and why, someone with a perfect life and always happy can have depression? As for me, I am depressed because my life is so ******, I am useless, my existence is nothing, no one needs me, I am ugly, I am fat.....I feel all that until I thought about suicide. So...what's going through in someone who's depressed but happy's mind?

Again, I'm very sorry if this question sounds rude. All that I know is depression doesn't have a face. I just want to know what's going on their mind that bring them to being depressed, suicidal etc.

The short answer to your question is that depression is caused by an organic problem not just outside influences. As someone else pointed out, if you get a virus it has nothing to do with what sort of life you have.

I found an article that gives a fantastic description of what depression is like.

https://www.sunnyskyz.com/blog/2528/...out-Depression

[kreg]

Originally Posted by t0t0r0555

First of all, I would like to apologize if my question sounds ignorant or anything because I will stay ignorant forever if I don't ask this.

My question is...
how and why, someone with a perfect life

I went thru at least 30yrs of chronic serious depression starting in 10th grade. Some causes are known others not. For me I think it came from a very weak self image with lack of assertiveness. I'm very good looking and popular with people but many authority figures-employers, teachers hated me for sure.

I had great parents and friends. Dad took me hunting and how to work on cars, he and his four bros were in WWII and mom was well what mom's usually are. Neither parent ever criticizing or belittling me so where this self image came from I don't know.
Other times I think depression has no known cause outside chemical imbalance. For me there was no hope period. was afraid to kill myself thinking I could get stuck in some astral hell.
Talking to from friends and family was totally useless. It's beyond reason and common sense. But here I am. My mood is most always great and upbeat. Just hang in there and you'll outgrow it. Read inspirational quotes-they have very real value. See a dr. for meds. They did wonders for me. Read up on REBT therapy very popular. Look at what you're telling yourself. It's for sure exaggerated and irrational. All little things help. Exercise even just walking is a premier cure for depression. Don't look for perfection in anything. Send out love to self and others by just saying things like "I send love into my personality" or 'i send love to whomever is irritating you' You don't need to act at all-just the thoughts will program you. Don't forget meditation-Like this- get comfortable, count down from 10, feel your breathing get shallow and slow. Ignore thoughts and images. You are looking for the alpha state which is the quiet mind before sleep sets in. If you're thinking you're not in alpha. It's where your intuition can communicate to you. That's it. The Beta mind or fast thinking mind is only full of thoughts and images from the past that tell you they are extremely important and need to be addressed.

[kreg]

[QUOTE=Anonymous50909;6156042]I have a great life. Married, kids, own a business, nice house, vacations. I still struggle with depression. Why?

1) I have bipolar disorder. I require medications for the chemical imbalance in my brai

When I was severely depressed one of the worst things a friend said to me was: you have a good life, what do you have to be sad about?

ain't it true. They think you are depressed about things but depression the serious kind anyway is not about things of the world.

[kreg]

Originally Posted by kreg

I went thru at least 30yrs of chronic serious depression starting in 10th grade. Some causes are known others not. For me I think it came from a very weak self image with lack of assertiveness. I'm very good looking and popular with people but many authority figures-employers, teachers hated me for sure.

I had great parents and friends. Dad took me hunting and how to work on cars, he and his four bros wer am. My mood is most always great and upbeat. Just hang in there and you'll outgrow it. Read inspirational quotes-they have very real d.

I also think it's important to learn to not hate people or anything- to the best of your ability cause I think that hate poisons the mind.

[WishfulThinker66]

I have 'had it all' and still been hospitalized the depression is so bad.

[happysobercrafter]

Originally Posted by avlady

this is just a thought here but i was wondering if some people who comitt suicide never really felt depression or if they did it was not so bad as others get it, so they don't know what they are feeling so they feel it so bad as compared to others that are depressed alot, so they don't know how to deal with it and kill themselves out of sheer ignorance as to the feeling of depression itself.

For me, I took my two pill overdoses because I was suffocating under the overwhelming stress of not seeing solutions for that stress. I was drowning in it and escape was what I needed then.

[happysobercrafter]

We know that depression can be caused by chemicals in the brain being out of whack. But, what sets that off? We also know that trauma impacts brain function and if the trauma is routine over time, that sets up ongoing trauma reactions as well that contribute to our routine thinking and being.

Being a child abuse and domestic violence survivor, I have had my share of depression in my life. I was burdened with overwhelming emotions my family burdened me with out of their rage and hatred. Being a little child, I had no idea how to manage that and almost my entire childhood is a complete blank. But for many years, I felt those emotions rising inside of me and I became an addict because I did not know how to productively manage the pain. I have been in and out of psychotherapy since 1990, which also helped me manage and understand why my family abused me and why I was consistently sabotaging myself. Plus, I know what mental health issues I need to work on and understand for my own life.

What I have done that makes it better for me has been to sit down and figure out what is bothering me. I figure that out, or try to, and work to accept it as my reality. If I cannot go back and change it, I have to accept it as a reality of my past. I am not approving of it, I am simply accepting that it occurred. Believe me, some of what was done to me blew my mind, but I kept at it, moving at my own pace and I got through it. Once I do that, I feel better. Then, I move on to the next issue and just keep working on getting them out of my head. There have been several issues that I began with a thought that made no sense to me. When I followed it into where it led me, it made sense.

The benefit for me has been that I can think more clearly in my day to day life and I don't have the despondence I used to have. I am much happier now that I have ever been, and my life has several BIG messes in it that I am working to resolve.

One very important habit I do daily is I post on my blog what I am grateful for, and have since February 12, 2013. My daily gratitude has rewired my brain, as will any consistent positive thoughts. By clearing the landscape, so to speak, by facing what hurt me, my emotional life now is easier for me to manage and live. My emotions were doing what they are supposed to do; alert me to danger or discomfort so I can do what I need to resolve them.

I hope this helps you! And, please, don't give up on finding the answers you need!

[lizardlady]

What I have done that makes it better for me has been to sit down and figure out what is bothering me. I figure that out, or try to, and work to accept it as my reality. If I cannot go back and change it, I have to accept it as a reality of my past. I am not approving of it, I am simply accepting that it occurred. Believe me, some of what was done to me blew my mind, but I kept at it, moving at my own pace and I got through it. Once I do that, I feel better. Then, I move on to the next issue and just keep working on getting them out of my head. There have been several issues that I began with a thought that made no sense to me. When I followed it into where it led me, it made sense.

WOW!!! This is impressive Happycrafter.

[happysobercrafter]

Thank you for telling me that. I was desperate for relief and what my therapists told me to do over the years was not helping me. I do this almost daily, determined to heal my self-esteem as best I can.

You know what? It ASTONISHES me how solutions pop into my head once I get past the emotions getting my attention. My thoughts settle down and I come up with solutions. That alone is healing to witness first hand.

[avlady]

Yes Happycrafter that was and is a great thing you did!!!