Why do people blame me for their reactions to my incidental behavior?

Hi TheUrOther, I have the impression that you are looking for validation and connection on PC rather than ideas for solutions or questions about your troubles. Do I have that right? Everyone here is seeking something different so it helps us all to know what each person wants when they post. Sorry for adding another question if you don't want questions here! I just want to understand your wishes when we communicate on PC.

Good post. I was just about to ask, what would be the best answer?

Yes I can think abstractly but it would be presumptuous of me to just assume how you were mistreated abstractly speaking.

Now I see you did provide horrifying example of people beating you and threatening you. It’s horrifying. I am so sorry to hear that.

Were these people your friends, strangers or law officials? Knowing who are these people would determine course of action. Assaulting someone the way you described warrants pressing charges ASAP. But I understand if you live somewhere where police might be more dangerous than people who attacked you

I don’t know where you live but it sounds like a very unsafe neighborhood. I can emphasize with that. I used to live in a quite bad place and was not in a position to move at the moment. I don’t want to trigger people but I understand that.

I am sorry you are unsafe. and can’t support yourself at the moment, I hope for better times ahead
.

No, that is the exact opposite of what I'm looking for.

What about my actions make you think I want "validation"? How the heck does "validation" stop Or put food on my table, or pay my rent?

Friends? I've never had a friend in my entire - and that fact defines the entire problem! No one will be my friend or support me in any way thanks to the propaganda and rumor-mongering going on; no one will be my friend because everyone thinks I'm a monster, thanks to all the lies in people's heads.

Whether it is unsafe for other people does not matter; all neighborhoods are unsafe to me, because other people live in them. It could be perfectly safe for everyone else; it will be dangerous for me because all humans are inherently dangerous to me, because they are irrational and refuse to control their emotions. They allow their fear to dictate not just their behavior, but their very thoughts. My emotional center can't even communicate with my rational brain; that line was cut ever since my parents tortured mental discipline into me.

I don't think I have anything helpful to add to this thread so I will leave it here and wish you TheUrOther and the other posters peace. Take good care of yourselves.

****TRIGGER WARNING****

"that line was cut ever since my parents tortured mental discipline into me."

I understand that. My family was torment too. I am the youngest of three girls and my mother and two older sisters bullied and abused me so badly that almost my entire childhood is a blank. That is called Traumatic Amnesia. It accompanies a lot of other mental illness and physical illness issues I battle daily.

What helped me after a bazillion hours of AA meetings, support grounds and psychotherapy was I had to face the blinding crippling pain my family buried inside me. The last thing in the world I wanted to give any thought to was my monster family. It was painful and took a long time to get through, but I got through it. And as I moved through my grief, those distorted lies they spewed at me lost their power over me and I began to feel happiness.

Would you like to know what thoughts tormented me? I thought I was truly defective, useless and stupid. They pummelled that into my head growing up. Those lies cemented me in the self-destructive mindset I tried to build my life on. Of course I failed.

But now, today, I am better and doing everything I can to keep moving forward and make the most I can out of my life.

I wish we could help you somehow. You sound angry and miserable. I am sorry your parents treated you that way. You were a little kid dependent on them for your survival. How could you have turned out any differently?

SilverTrees: May I ask why you're giving up now?



Thank you; unfortunately one of if not the reason my parents tortured me so badly was to prevent anyone from being able to reverse what they did. From their point of view, the idea of me being successfully treated and their work being successfully reversed was worse than damnation.

I just wish I knew why everyone else picked up their torch and continued where they left off. What reason do other people - all other people - have to torture a harmless six-year-old?

That is an important question. Honestly, I don't think I know the true answer because I don't understand it myself. I don't understand how people abuse a child even seeing how the child is crying and visibly upset. They may look human, but inside, they aren't.

Are you familiar with child development? Little kids are like sponges. What they see and hear, they absorb and repeat. If a small child is surrounded by anger and rage, that is what they take in. So, since that is what they know, that is how they behave. If no one is there to correct that and help the child do better, that behavior gets locked in place as they grow up.

Our emotions are the foundation of our behavior. Understandably, you have mountains of anger and rage inside you. That fuels, I think, your behavior and contributes to people avoiding you.

Have you ever been in therapy or seen a grief counselor? A good counselor can help you get through those emotions that are holding you back.

But, for that to work, you have to be willing to talk about what hurts you and cry a lot because that is how you will get better and straighten out your thinking.

Once you work on the emotions that, it seems to me, overhelm you, they won't bother you as much. That is healing, you would be healing. It takes a long time to heal, but that would get you on your way to getting better.

I am intimately familiar with child development sciences; I have studied them to try to make sense of why I'm hated.

That's not an excuse for how I was treated, especially since I did not "absorb and repeat" what I experienced - in fact, I make a point of acting in opposition to human behavior; I refuse to lie and cheat and steal and bully precisely because I know what it feels like to be the victim of such crimes.

They are NOT the foundations of mine. My foundation is built on logic and evidence.

Actually, I don't have "mountains of anger and rage" - in fact, I only started being angry after I found out you people had successfully murdered me. From childhood until I found out about my terminal diagnosis, if I expressed anything to anyone at all, it was sadness and loneliness. I wasn't angry until I gave up trying to make friends when I found out I was dying thanks to your (plural) abuse.

All said, I'm not doing an analysis of my social life - I'm doing an autopsy. I've completely giving up trying to reach you people. Now, I'm trying to stop you from doing the same to another generation.

I've been to multiple, and no they can't. I have been diagnosed with treatment-resistant Complex PTSD; there's no real hope of recovery, especially since I'm dying - and there's definitely no hope of recovery while people are still actively abusing me.

What hurts is that an entire species has shut me out of itself for a reason it refuses to even let me know.

My thinking is straight. I'm not the one who's foundation is built on irrationality and randomness.

Again, you are so incredibly confused. I'm wielding my emotions like a weapon. I have control over my emotions to the point of strangulation - doctors have accused me of over-control, not a lack of it.

While I cannot answer for @SilverTrees, I can provide an answer for myself ...

Self-Preservation!

Many of us here have tried to offer advice that we've found helpful in our own recovery processes, yet you continue to push it away again and again and often in an angry, challenging and hostile manner.

Many of us have also been exactly where you are right now.

It's okay to find ourselves in that place as we wrestle with how to overcome and/or simply accept so many unfair life events (including cruelty, brutality and abuse) in order to maintain some kind of functionality in life so we can take care of our basic necessities such as food, clothing, shelter, etc.

IT IS NOT OKAY to allow ourselves to STAY STUCK there though because when we do that then everything else in our life falls apart along with it ... We basically become useless to ourselves and others, and that's never a good place to find oneself!

It's kind of like being on a sinking ship and trying to convince the last hold out to put on their @#$%! life preserver!

We can either keep trying to talk them into saving themselves and end up drowning with them, or we can leave them where they're at and save ourselves!

THAT is SELF-PRESERVATION!

We really do want to be helpful, but you refuse that help, so in order to not get drug down into and by your issues, we're leaving it with you.

Knowing when to let go is also an important part of the healing process.

That's why so many of us are letting go of this thread.

I truly do hope you find a way to start healing, but you've got to really want it to get it; and, until such time, ain't too much nobody else can do to help you.

Sincerely,
Pfrog!

Perhaps I have misconstrued what this thread was about. I'm sorry the OP had such tortuous experiences growing up BUT, I have taken the thread to be more about the everyday treatment the OP is having. Is this the case? Or is this entirely about childhood and youthful experiences?

I'm throwing this right out there.... I believe their present behaviour is the cause of the strife they find themselves in. People are behaving negatively on account of the negative behaviour of the OP. In fact I'm quite sure those around them are frankly sick and tired of it.

There Is a solution! Treat those around you with positive enjoyable experiences in the manner you wish to be treated yourself and voila - the world will improve around you.

"SilverTrees: May I ask why you're giving up now?"

Since you asked me the question, TheUrOther, I will respond.

I offered you empathy, grace, and unconditional regard. Including when I did not understand some of your posts and needs. I politely asked more than once if myself and the other supporters here could adjust our responses in order to better suit your needs. You responded with personal insults (which I think must have been removed by a site moderator), derision, and a statement that you made it your mission to change me and all other humans.

A few reasons that is problematic:
- insulting people is disrespectful and unnecessary
- deriding others will not actually make you feel better about yourself
- myself and the other supporters on the thread did not ask you to change us therefore you ran into a boundary issue there

I remain sorry that you experienced abuse in your childhood. That was not your fault. You did not cause it nor did you deserve it. I am also sorry to hear that you are feeling miserable as an adult. I think everyone on PC can relate to that in some way. However, misery and prior abuse do not authorize you to verbally or emotionally abuse others. We all deserve safety and respect and we all have a duty to contribute to safety and respect.

I am answering your question and pointing out problems but I'd also like you to note that I have not abused you in any way here. Even after you posted very rude and derisive comments to me. I have not called you names. I have not denigrated you. I have not threatened your peace and safety. I have simply disagreed with you and made my boundaries clear.

You said you are dying. I do not know if that was a poetic reference to your lack of trust in humans or a literal statement that you are terminally ill. I will continue to wish you peace and hope. Despite what you have asserted, I do *not hate you. I have *not abused you. I have *no desire to see you suffer or become even more miserable.

I do believe that each adult is accountable for their own happiness. Choosing a lifetime of the victim role is a barrier to happiness....to perceive one's self as an eternal victim is to be a prisoner...in a very small dark prison with invisible walls. And actual victimization (as in childhood abuse) does not make it okay to emotionally attack others.

If you feel up to it, you could read over the messages you received from many here. People were trying to help including myself. I believe that. What I do not accept from anyone is a bid for sympathy for their abuse experience while in the midst of abusing others. That's simply untenable.

Please take good care of yourself TheUrOther.

May these words bring solace to you TheUrOther and to the other troubled folks here at PC...

Sometimes

Sometimes things don't go, after all,
from bad to worse. Some years, muscadel
faces down frost; green thrives; the crops don't fail,
sometimes a person aims high, and all goes well.

A people sometimes will step back from war;
elect an honest person, decide they care
enough, that they can't leave some stranger poor.
Some people become what they were born for.

Sometimes our best efforts do not go
amiss, sometimes we do as we meant to.
The sun will sometimes melt a field of sorrow
that seemed hard frozen: may it happen for you.

- Sheenagh Pugh

No bullies have no right to be harmfully aggressive. With this I agree. However not everyone in your life is a bully, something you seem so hell bent on believing. This is ridiculous. If everyone as you say is being so horrible to you then you are doing something wrong.