[stahrgeyzer]

Hopefully I found the perfect psychologist for me. She offers a free phone call or email to see if we're a good match. Email seems safer but I don't know what to say. I want to tell her I might be a little too crazy and that 1 - 2 times per month I go through intense suicide that leads to crazy depression but after years I've never followed through because of fear.

I would be afraid to death to tell her of all my thoughts, theories, ideas about reality, my childhood & my past, me, the voices, how much I now hate humans, etc., especially in person.

[Blueskyx]

When you mention the word crazy, I do not think your behavior is crazy, I think someone identified it as crazy not understanding the survival reactions of a brain. It is normal for a person to have a lot of fear when dealing with aggressive behavior for a long time. Also suicidal thoughts are common for people who dealt with abusive/aggressive behavior.
This might show some useful insight, it explains effects of trauma and PTS(D).
What It's Like to Be a Complex Trauma Survivor of Narcissistic Abuse

[stahrgeyzer]

It must be awful growing up being abused by a narcissist. I don't remember the exact def of a narcissist but according to definition shown on google search my parents most likely would not be one

I've taken online tests for narcissist and score almost zero, not being a narcissist. Tests are not always accurate but you need some traits to be something. Exp you have to have mood swings to be bipolar.

One of my teachers during childhood should put in jail. Maybe he was narcissist.

[Blueskyx]

Originally Posted by stahrgeyzer

I've taken online tests for narcissist and score almost zero, not being a narcissist. Tests are not always accurate but you need some traits to be something.

Most people just deal with trauma and PTS(D) as a result of it.
Someone doesn't have to be narcissistic to be abusive/aggressive, it's just that most narcissists are, so such things can also be useful for people with similar behavior. It can be any person you met in your life or several people.

[bpcyclist]

I would say just tell her what you feel comfortable telling her and see how it goes. You're not locked into a lifetime thing here. It's not a mortgage.

As for your not liking people very much, I have to tell you that I have been struggling with how to start a thread the topic of which is basically my distaste for a large percentage of the population. But I'm afraid to share it, because I'm afraid people will think I'm a jerk. I still may do it. Anyhow, You are not alone in this and I just wanted you to know that.

[stahrgeyzer]

Narcissist have a lot of bad traits. I was abused but those people may not have all of the traits to be a narcissist. I have no idea. They may even have bad traits that narcissist don't have. My problem was that I was very different than the other kids. I like being around adults until that criminal teacher abused me every day physically emotionally mentally. As a kid I liked day dreaming all day about flying or making a flying car like in the movie chitty chitty bang bang (lol I loved that movie!!), or about ETs & UFOs or psychics & bigfoot ..., not playing with hot wheels & hide and seek & sports.

[Breaking Dawn]

Best of luck to you, Stahrgeyzer! And lots of hugs!

[mountainstream]

I'm wishing you good luck. I hope it goes well.

[stahrgeyzer]

Thanks for all the support! I finally have an appointment with a therapist this Friday, so this may be the last time you hear from me if he decides I'm one banana short of a bunch.

[puzzclar]

There's a lot worse things out there than what you described. I've seen some pretty "crazy" behavior. The title of your post made me smile.

Anyway. I know it's tough to tell about the deep stuff. but in the first meeting, just stay surface level. Get to know the relationship first before jumping into it head-on. Do you know what I mean? Would you dive head first into a frozen pool? Although some do, but that's not the point. The main thing is to get started.

I hope this helps. and also realize something that I realized today. From a book, "The Miracle Equation", "You. Are. Limitless."

[stahrgeyzer]

Nice quote! Yes, I see what you mean. Good advice. I need to learn to take it easy & slow. My email to him was insanely lengthy. He replied only saying he has an opening at 11am friday. It's a miracle he replied.

[princesscookie19]

She works as a person to help ,my advice is to tell her everything I mean everything .
How you feel and what you really think of yourself(what ever makes you feel bad,)

[stahrgeyzer]

Thanks, I will, unless I'm suicidal. I'd rather call one of those 800 #s before telling her. She had me sign bunch of stuff online electronically, so she has my sisters phone # & my parents address.

She wants to do a 2 week evaluation and then go from there. Sounds like fun

[stahrgeyzer]

I took your advice, princesscookie19 and told the psychologist everything she asked me. It feels sooo good to tell someone. It was nerve wracking. Do 1st sessions normally take longer? It was supposed to be a 50 minute session but she took it to nearly 2 hours with one question after the next! After the session she wanted to send me to a certain psychiatrist right away for the real possibility of being put on prescription meds but she explained it all and ask me how I felt about that. She said she tries her best to stay away from meds unless they can help but that under certain circumstances the right prescription meds with psychotherapy work well together. That was a shock. Didn't think for a second I'd be put on meds

It's strange how painfully fearful the session was, but yet I can't wait to see her next week!

[Breaking Dawn]

Thank you for sharing all this, Stahrgeyzer. I am so proud of you, & glad for you! Please keep us posted. Lots of hugs to you!!

[stahrgeyzer]

Thank you Breaking Dawn!! Hugs back

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by stahrgeyzer

Hopefully I found the perfect psychologist for me. She offers a free phone call or email to see if we're a good match. Email seems safer but I don't know what to say. I want to tell her I might be a little too crazy and that 1 - 2 times per month I go through intense suicide that leads to crazy depression but after years I've never followed through because of fear.

I would be afraid to death to tell her of all my thoughts, theories, ideas about reality, my childhood & my past, me, the voices, how much I now hate humans, etc., especially in person.

I'm sorry that you are struggling right now. I understand how you feel. This is normal.

[stahrgeyzer]

Is there a limit to what you should tell your psychologist without getting put into a psych ward?

Every so often I experience something that is obviously not real, but to me it is 100% real on every level. Like my aunt, who was right in front of me, saying something that there's no way she said. Or in class I clearly heard the teacher say something, I wrote it down, but after class I was talking to some students and they all looked at me strangely saying the teacher never said any such thing.

I was going to tell her but then it occurred to me that she might think I'm crazy, perhaps even fear me.