[mafub]

This Sunday is Mother's Day!! My mom's loss, in '06, was devastating, although at the time I didn't know how deep it would be. She deeply loved me and always had my back.

Now, Mother's Day is my day to suffer more, not just for my loss but the loss of feeling meaningful as a mother of four adult children. My two younger sons tell me and show me their love. My only, older daughter and oldest son have ambivalent feelings toward me. Anyhow that's my perception. That's what I feel. Especially my daughter. She always gave my mother (her Nana)adoring Mother Day's cards. (jealously?) My oldest son says I have "bad character." His family is LDS, very protective of their children,and I might hurt them...I'm bipolar and they've heard things!

I wasn't my "stay at home mom." They didn't know her as I did in her younger years, when I rarely saw her. My sister and I were at a good foster home, until she got married again when I was seven. My youngest was born later and didn't know much. And other things that we truly don't hold against her.

They were never abused by me. I showed and told them, always, I loved them. I worked, I wasn't always there, I was the provider. I did bipolar things. I did really dumb things. I did what? I didn't do what? I don't know! Children are so impressionable. Happenings are magnified.

I want to hide, I want out! We moved 450 mi away so I wouldn't have to face the "snub love." That was a good move! I needed to be away, anyway, from all the stress I lived in. Now, I'm gone! No need for excuses of why something did or didn't happen. Still, I don't want to face another Mother's Day.

-- But it's coming, coming, coming!--

[Sabrina]

(((Mafub))) Sending you gentle hugs to get you through this tough time.

Hello, mafub. you have been through a lot and still have some serious concerns to deal with. Sorry the situation with the children is happening.

Are you receiving professional help for the concerns you list?

Wishing you the best.

Love yourself.

[mafub]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

Hello, mafub. you have been through a lot and still have some serious concerns to deal with. Sorry the situation with the children is happening.

Are you receiving professional help for the concerns you list?

Wishing you the best.

Love yourself.

Thanks, Byz! I saw my pdoc Apr 19, got Seroquel. Haven't seen my t for quite while, March. Waiting for ins to pay my last 3mts bills. My t says there probably is some "emotional blackmail" going on and gave me some reading to do. There is a lot going on here at home (need carpet,etc). I will be busy next week with that, it may help my "captured" mind. My husband is going back to our old house, for our auction, lots for him too. I need to be alone. I fake it with others. Alone I can do, cry, work and not be concerned with others. My t is half a block from my house. I can go in any time if necessary. --I was reading some old world history, the Byzantine period came up. Quite a time in history. You sure work hard in PC. So many appreciate you, as I do.--

Thank you.

[mafub]

Mother's Day is coming---bad, bad, sad time.
Dangerous thinking, it's the month of endless emptiness.
So heartsick, lonesome and regretful!
The nightmares and restless sleeping started last night.
Will I survive until there is a reasonable Mother's Day~

(((((mafub)))))--can relate entirely--it is a very sad day for me also.
My kids are grown with kids of their own, and i will ne'er forget my mom. It is impossible! Everything she taught me and said to me comes out of my mouth.

She is ever present in my life. I am "nana", as she was "nana" to my kids.

My adult kids show me nothing but anger and say cruel things---Empathy to you-theo

[Hippie]

(((((mafub))))) (((((theo)))))

Please survive, mayfub.

They that sow in tears shall reap in joy.
-- Psalm 126:5

Just keep telling yourself the day after Mother's Day is Monday--
just another day---it'll be Monday before you know it!!! (((Mafub)))