Matter of principle?

Years ago my oldest brother married into alot of money, (millions).

He had offered his siblings who have school-aged children to put them through a college of their choice upon graduating high school.

As with anything & everything regarding my oldest brother, there's a clause to the offer, of course. (There is not a deed he does that he doesn't directly benefit from).

If we accept the offer, it includes that we provide him the social security number of the child pertaining to the offer, so that he can claim that child as some form of a dependent on his taxes until the age of graduation.

Naturally, I'd love that my daughter have the option to attend any college of her choice..that's an offer of a lifetime...yet, it's a matter of principle.
I declined his offer.

My brother has a way of slithering his manipulative, controlling ways into our lives, and this was just another of his tactics.
I'd know that this offer would open up a whole new world of opportunities for my dot. But at the same time it will provide my brother his own twisted means of involvement to how my daughter's present scholastic progression is. I don't need someone else, (him especially) telling me how to conduct my daughter's scholastic choices. Granted she is only a freshman now, but because she's home schooled my brother disapproves already.

I'm just wondering if any of you would accept or decline such an offer?

Shangrala

Decline ! I would not want myself or my child being held over a barrel....

Shang...

Some may think it crazy to not accept an offer like that. I say that you're pretty right on about this though.

First off...go with your gut. You know your Brother, and if he is the type of person that places conditions on things and will use his "favors" as clout to be intrusive and disruptive into your family's lives, I say you're making a good decision.

Money does not create opportunity. Like a pair of jeans, you don't pay for the denim, you pay for the label. Yes, some schools are more scholastically charming than others, but your daughter can create her own opportunities for herself. If she has the will and the drive, she can get the same degrees she'd get at any "prestigious" school at a State College or University.

Good for you for looking out for your Daughter!! I wouldn't give my social security to anyone for anything, unless it was required for business purposes. My Father asked me for my SS# so he could list me as his life insurance beneficiary. Knowing my Father to be the man that he is....I said "No Thanks" and told him I wasn't interested in his insurance. A wise choice on my part and a wise choice on your part. You wouldn't want her to get two years into school only to have him pull away his $$ because he was dissatisfied with your Daughter's school performance, or dissatisfied with you. He could use that position to manipulate you and your family very easily and if he's done it before, he'll do it again when it suits him. A leopard doesn't change it's spots.

Your Daughter already has a bright future ahead of her with a Mother who looks out for her best interest. I have a feeling that she's going to be just fine on her own with the resources her Mother can help her find.

That's very sweet..Thank you, Ely.

I would present the pros and cons to my child and let them give their opinion. It's their life and education and, if at some time they opt out of the agreement or don't like it it's not like he can continue claiming them (or, one could report him and he'd have to prove he was indeed providing X amount of their support).

He's not in charge of his taxes and the most he could do is stop paying for the education if the child or you decided you didn't want his help anymore or he only wanted children agreeing to go to a school/program he named or whatever.

Just because he has money, I don't think he should be expected to spend it on others and/or not get some benefit in return.

You asked for opinions.
Little ole' me says DECLINE!!!
You do what YOU think is right Shangrala. You're the one that has to live with it.

You know your brother better than anyone here so we are at a disadvantage. However, in regards to taking her social security number in order to use that information for tax purposes, you said, "There is not a deed he does that he doesn't directly benefit from."

Coming off as much as $50,000 a year or more for tuition and getting a tax credit which would reduce that by even as much as $10,000 would still leave him out $40,000. Giving up $40,000 net a year doesn't sound like something he's directly benefitting from - it sounds like he's lessening the financial impact, but he's still going to be absorbing a tremendous financial burden.

It was pointed out that if he doesn't like something you or your daughter is doing he could pull his financial support out from under her after two years of college. I'm of the mind...so what? Two years at MIT or Columbia and then you have to finish at a four year state college? This is a bad thing? She would be subject to two years of the best education money could buy after which point she might be relegated to a more normal education...I just don't see the problem.

It's seems sort of like, I could work for four years at $17.50 per hour or, I could work for $98.00 an hour for a very difficult boss, who might fire me at any time forcing me to go to work somewhere else for a mere $17.50 an hour. I'm going to take the $98.00 an hour for as long as it lasts....unless I have to compromise myself to do so. I just think that allowing him to defer some of his cost isn't much of a compromise, unless you think that he will use the social security number illicitly.

I shouldn't say this... but oh what the heck...

Social security numbers are not that hard to get - really. You just have to know how to do it. He may not know how to do it but with millions at his control, he could certainly throw $200 at someone who does know how and could have it anyway.

As someone who wants to go back to study but cannot afford it, but also having morals, I would say you did the right thing.
While I really want to do Vet Nursing or Bachelor of Animal Science, I cannot afford it. I'd love to have the money, I'd love to know that there was money there for when I'm ready to go (I need to take a break from study for a while). But if I knew there was a motive behind it, I'd tell the person to bugger off.
What if there is a bigger motive behind it? You just don't know. If he really wanted to provide your children with a future, does he NEED to have the social security number?
Where there is a will there is a way, you can still provide them with a future, it may not be set in stone, but at least it's with good moral behind it.

Thank you all so much for your replies.

Of course I know my brother, well enough to deny the offer.
He's lost his own daughter because of his obsessive controlling ways. I'm not about to subject my daughter to that, as well.

Thanks again all...

Shangrala

Well, if the offer is given whenever, after your children are older, they would not be eligible to be claimed by you anymore. If your brother would pay for a full tuition, up front, there may be some legal means that he might not be able to claim them if they turned 18 years old. Also, it might not pertain to kids that are in.... Sydney Australia.... or....Oxford..... or..... other EXPENSIVE overseas colleges. Might talk to a lawyer and play your brother against himself. Get the Education and also find some legal clause that will prevent someone who is NOT a legal quardian try to file for tax issues. File taxes for the kid on January first... so that when he tried to use the Same social security number... it shows that it has already been used and then he gets audited, etc.

Sorry.... I am just a Vindictive MoFo and will do what I can to screw someone who tried to screw me. Hell, Even If I DIDNT take the offer, I might just still report him for what he is doing, must be some kind of extortion laws or something. Don't know, not a lawyer, but it seems like that hiding taxes due by these means must be illegal in some way.

If he wanted to be a GOOD brother and Uncle to these Children, he can give a once yearly donation I think per person of like 10,000 which I think is pure tax write-off. If he was smart, the story would be more from me like, "I am gonna give you $5,000 each year, though it will be 10,000 I need half of it back.

Your brother regardless has a sh!tty CPA, if at all, or is just .... well.... an @55