Does PC know more about you than your family?

Yeah, I'd wager that PC knows more about me- I don't like to tell some stuff to my family for no real reason.

I find this thread somewhat saddening and heartbreaking... that so many of us would be open with "unknowns" b/c our families can't, won't or are simply unable to hear our words-- or b/c we don't feel safe or would rather be open with "unknown" voices.

My family knows me extremely well and I prefer it that way. We have to admit that there is something existentially unusual (and very 21st century) about support, compassion, caring and concern, warmth, wisdom and affection--- all coming from my Sony Vaio, 14" laptop screen that's somehow attached to 1000's of other screens, and all with great anonymity from genuinely caring people-- I hope.

Cynical-- not really, in fact I'm an optimist and a genuinely compassionate person, but I also see certain realities that even my unbridled optimism can't overcome.

Baaku

I like to think of self-revelations online as baby steps. It may be easier to tell a computer screen about our deepest emotions, fears and wishes, but in doing so we also process those feelings in our minds. I find writing to be very therapeutic. Sometimes the process of putting my thoughts down and being able to read them on a computer screen helps me to understand myself that much better. So in a way our "talking" online may free us up to one day have the courage to express such things verbally to loved ones who are physically present. Such has been the case with me anyhow.

^^^ You make a good point Brightheart: for some this baby step may actually be a milestone.

I speak far more freely here than in general about my mental illness and the feelings/confusions associated with it. Otherwise, I do try to talk to my husband about a lot of things. I tend to keep most everything else just bottled up; I don't even tell my pdoc/t most things. So I guess no one knows me all that well.

After reading some of the responses in this thread, I have come to realize a few things. I'm more honest and forthcoming about myself and my problems than a lot of others, here on this forum and in real life. I was always wondering why others seem uncomfortable around me. Now I know why. They are uncomfortable because of the honesty and openness I exhibit. They are so used to having others practice what they themselves do that anyone different upsets them, disturbs them. They aren't open because they're too scared. They were fed that bull about keeping their problems to themselves and they bought into that. Keeping your problems to yourself doesn't solve anything. The problems are still there, except that since you hide them from others, you also begin hiding them from yourself. Let me explain that. You hide your true feelings from yourself, since you hide your true feelings from others. You never explore the depths of those emotions and thoughts. What happens as a result? Repression. You bottle everything up inside, and do it so well, that no one else knows the real you, including yourself. It's not my fault that others are uncomfortable around me. They're such emotional cowards that they can't face the things they've been keeping bottled up, hidden, inside. I did the same thing, for a long time, but not anymore. The things I was keeping inside were killing me. If I share what I'm feeling inside and it makes someone else uncomfortable, drives them away, the problem isn't that I shared with them, the problem is that they can't handle it, because they don't acknowledge their own feelings, deep down inside, and anything that brings such things closer to the surface makes them painfully aware of those things they don't want to face. Then they turn around and try to make me feel guilty for that, when it's their own shortcomings they're too cowardly to face.

Hello, Shadowghost. You have the courage of your convictions. I can appreciate that.

Hi Shadowghost. I've not met you before, so I just wanted to say hi before I start disagreeing with what you've written.

I do not believe that I am a dishonest person. But I do agree with what you said about people being uncomfortable with the things that you may say; it happens to me very, very often and as a result, I tell less and less about myself. This does not mean I am being dishonest, it means that I am choosing to not expose myself to more pain via rejection and ridicule. I have never been one to just blab about how I feel to anyone. I was talking to a friend I've had for 22 years the other day and we were talking about my mother abusing me. She told me she knew it happened just by observation, but that I never talked about it and she never wanted to pry. She loved me and provided support for me while accepting that I just couldn't talk about those things. I am not an dishonest person, I just have never been comfortable talking about much of what goes on in my head. Also, I don't think because someone isn't willing to talk about their "shortcomings" that it deems them a coward. People are all different and react differently to each situation.

I don't know what others have observed and picked up about me, especially my family who I lived with for a goodly period of time but long long ago LOL. I know my husband knows me better than most other people but I'm just "Me" so likely others I've been with for long periods know a good bit about me. Not like I can hide anxiety or be less shy than I am. I guess it's not true that I'm a "dirty, old, black-hearted thing" like my stepmother use to call me but I'm sure some of my behaviors might have given her cause to say I was. I was not the most thoughtful, self-aware teenager you'd ever met :-)

My parents know that I am here and that I host a chat every week. I had to tell them because they'd want to go out and we wouldn't be home in time for me to make the chat. I don't like my family knowing about this stuff - I know they have a right to because I'm young, but to me it's just too personal and something I'd rather keep to myself. They don't like that I talk to strangers online, but I see no harm in it since it's not like I'm giving out my location or anything.

PC knows almost everything. Family knows almost nothing. My friends don't know much either, but alot more than my family does. And that's exactly how I want it to be.

I think it is a pretty even call. Most of my family know I have depression and this thing called Bi Polar.

I am grateful my family is supportive of me. They always surprise me with their support. I expect judgement but they never do. I feel a dissappointment to them but they never indicate such things. Opening up now and then is the only way I can disprove the criticisms I falsely credit them to hold. I feel very fortunate and loved by my family.

Coming off a great phone chat with my dad just now so can't help but gush about how lucky I am.

That is a tricky question to answer....

My family is an odd set of ducks, they support me in odd ways concering my PTSD and bipolar disorder, and in other ways they don't and don't even fully accept I have those disorders.

I know PC knows more about the issues relating to my childhood sexual abuse than my family and friends, and that is the way I plan to keep it, my parents could never handle knowing that it occured, and my best friend knows about it and is supportive but I have issues discussing it with her so I come and post here instead.

There are many things PC doesn't know about me, or my life, but PC has been an invaluable tool in the two years I have been here, and it is a home of sorts, I have made incredible friendships here and met amazing people and have had nothing but support and compassion from the community here.

I think it is a balancing act, for me it just isn't a reality to let my family know certain things, they wouldn't be supportive, they couldn't handle hearing about it, etc.

I am lucky to have a best friend irl that I consider my family and I know anything I write here on PC I can discuss with her and wouldn't have a problem showing her PC if I felt the need to.

Perpetuallysad, I didn't say that you were dishonest. I didn't accuse you of anything, I was generalizing. I didn't mention specific people. You see things differently than I do, and that's fine, but my opinions are just as valid as yours are.

Glee? I take no glee in what I've said!!! And it's not being mean, I'm just stating what I see to be truth. There's no meanness intended in what I said, nor glee taken by me. You wrong me by saying these things, blindly assuming that I take glee in what I've said or that I was being willfully malicious. Nothing is further from the truth!!! You should ask someone what they mean by something they've written before slinging baseless accusations at them!!! And do not treat me like a child!!! I need NOT to think about how I say what I say!!! I've already thought about it as I was typing it!!! You blindly make false assumptions about what my intent was. Then you publicly thrash me without first privately clearing the issue up with me!!! I do not think I am in any way superior to anyone!!!! I'm not superior, just different!! And I was NOT being superior or malicious in intent towards perpetuallysad!!

Shadowghost~
Please don't take this the wrong way and correct me if I'm wrong, (which I suspect you probably will), but from almost all that you've said in your reply #31 on pg 4, (and although you have clarified your own conduct regarding how you confront others with your opinions, which is perfectly fine), you are stating that you are equally certain that you "know" that the behavior of other's in reaction to yours is as confirmed as your own.
Have you asked them, yourself, for "their" clarification of reasons for reaction? Or..assuming much?
With that, (and this is why I'm even mentioning this), why are you accusing Ygrec23 about assuming something that you have apparently done yourself?....

I'm just wondering, though, if you realize that what is "honest and open" to you may be 'offensive and aggressive' for others? Doesn't mean either is more or less right or wrong. It just means that there is definitely a way of having the courtesy of other's around you...Unless, of course offending everyone around you doesn't bother you, which, again is your prerogative and right.

You have insight and validity to what applies to you and your behavior, but it is my opinion that it is diplomacy which dictates this sort of situation....

Of course, we all have the right to express ourselves as we so choose, but to receive any possible response of understanding is best obtained by not 'intently' offending AS we express...

It's my belief, practice & experience that although aggression may gain attention, it is courtesy which earns a response.

All's good.....

In reply to the OP's topic of thread...
Although my family is aware of many of the details of my past of youth, therefore, judge me by that only, which limits their knowledge in almost every aspect of who I really am today, PC definitely knows more about me than the family I was born into.

Shangrala

Shadowghost, in generalizing you are talking about everyone and I am part of everyone. The average Josey so to speak. That's why I used myself as an example. I am aware you weren't specifically talking to me, but I wanted to let you know that by generalizing you are including everyone in your statements.

Yeah, I should have used some diplomacy in my post, but in generalizing I was hoping to communicate to others that I meant most people, not everyone. I wasn't intending to offend anyone, and I will not apologize for my views, but I will admit that how I phrased myself could be taken as being aggressive. I was hoping that anyone who was offended would send me a private message so as to avoid arguing in the open forum. That's a much better way to handle such situations, without upsetting others and creating problems. I talked with Ygrec in PM and we reached an agreement. There will be no more arguing between the two of us.

Enough, please, enough.

not at all!! my hubby knows everything about me. except the views I share with PC about him. that is the ONLY thing I tell PC but dont tell my family. PC is AWESOME though and I enjoy sharing here because people understand and can help you reflect on your own thoughts. Almost as good as a therapist.

YAY...Glad to hear it......BIG 's

My hubby knows more than PC, baby daughter knows nothing, my parents/other family know much less than you guys. The idea that Amazon mom has needs, wants, and feelings never occurs to them.

They also think Bipolar is a made up excuse to act like a lazy jackhole. Guess that makes me a lazy jackhole...never mind the Ivy League degree,the second degree in nursing, and my successful career as a NICU nurse.

Amazonmom, you are not a lazy jackhole! People who don't have bipolar disorder are incapable of understanding what it's like to suffer from it. It's the same with any psychological illness or chronic disease or condition. Secondhand knowledge of a condition isn't the same as actually having the condition, and people will necessarily not fully understand what it's like for a person with any given condition, no matter how extensive their secondhand knowledge is. I go through much the same as you do, in regard to people not understanding how or why I act the way I do at times, due to bipolar disorder. I don't even try to explain to them anymore the 'why' or 'how' of my behavior due to bipolar disorder. It would do no good, and it would have the appearance of me just making excuses. I understand somewhat the frustrations you feel, I feel somewhat similar frustrations myself. I am not particularly good at giving advice, so I can't advise you on how to best handle people who don't understand what you're going through. Myself, I just try my best to ignore them. Their attitude stems from ignorance of something they have no experience of, so when they speak about my being overly emotional, or lazy, they have no idea what they're talking about. I sometimes wish they could experience for one month what it's like living with bipolar disorder, they'd shut their mouths real quick!