[googley]

I hate it when people respond to bad news with "everything happens for a reason." So my pain happens for a reason? Wouldn't it be better if it didn't hurt. If it didn't happen. Maybe it feels better for you to say that. To be able to believe it wont happen to you because it happened to me for a reason. But for me it is just filled with pain. Please don't minimize it.

This post is not about people here. People here are wonderful. It is about those people IRL who just don't understand. I just needed to vent.

[sunrise]

Yeah, that sucks when people say that. I think people say it because they are at a loss for words and don't know what to say and want to say something. Once I read an article that had things to say to people in difficult situations that would be welcomed by the person instead of the type of thing that was said to you. It was really useful. Wish I still had that. I admit I am not good either at knowing the right thing to say. Sometimes the best I can muster is, "I'm sorry to hear that." Not great either, I know.

[SWA 1971]

I, too, don't like it when people say that. I don't agree with it.

[Rohag]

Googley, it is my good fortune -- and that of others -- to be acquainted with you through this revealing forum. I've read many of your posts and can't doubt the depth of your all-too-real pain.

I wish I could banish your pain. I wish I could do more than offer words and smilies. All I can do is testify your words and care reach me, reach us, and that we hope for your happiness.

[googley]

Originally Posted by Rohag

Googley, it is my good fortune -- and that of others -- to be acquainted with you through this revealing forum. I've read many of your posts and can't doubt the depth of your all-too-real pain.

I wish I could banish your pain. I wish I could do more than offer words and smilies. All I can do is testify your words and care reach me, reach us, and that we hope for your happiness.

I wasn't meaning people here. People here are so supportive. It is people IRL who are the problem. People who don't know the pain or don't understand.

All of the support and smilies that you all provide bring smiles to my face when I am down.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Sorry ((((Googley))))

I've been guilty of this but it is usually way after the fact...for instance my mums best friend broke her leg badly on my mums driveway...turned out that she had advanced +3 breast cancer in both breasts...if she hadn't broken her leg the cancer would have killed her. As it was she had to have a double mastecomy but she is still alive and just got remarried...

Though I don't think someones pain is good, it is there to show that there is a problem, it is a symptom...so if it is a symptom why the hell havn't they found the cause and why am I still in such pain?

Rhiannon

"everything happens for a reason"

As far as I'm concered, people usually say that for one of two reasons.
#1 They genuienly want there to be a reason for your pain, but cant think of it yet.
#2 They have thought about it, but seem unable to come up with something constructive.

Yes It drives you nuts I know.

All the best, take care.
((((googley))))

[Evening]

You're going to hate me for saying this, but my motto is 'every bad thing happens for a good reason'.
Of course I don't direct that at everyone because when someone is feeling down or hasn't experienced anything good for a while it's going to be empty words. It is really only a saying for myself that I TRY to go by. I look at some of the good things that have happened and when I backtrack on it, it all stemmed from something bad.
For example, I live on my own now. I have floorboards, something I've always wanted, I live in the exact neighbourhood I wanted, I have a bath, I have trees. I live in a neighbourhood of friendly people. I've lived here 5 years in December, the longest I've ever lived in a house.That's a big step up from moving house 13 times or living in a neighbourhood known for drugs and violence, or living with an abuser, or living with no furniture or bed to sleep on.
If my mother had not been so abusive or neglectful that I had to get the hell out of there, I would not live in this house or have the safety and stability I now have.

There is also going to America. That never would have happened if my mother had not been in an abusive relationship. If he hadn't been around I wouldn't have dropped out of school. If i hadn't dropped out of school I never would have started a job program. If I'd never started the job program I never would have started volunteering with an environmental organisation. And if I'd never stared volunteering with them, I never would have got a sponsorship to America for a month with my flights, food, transport and accommodation all paid for.

Of course those examples are a bit extreme, but do you see how this saying kind of fits for me? Sometimes it's the only thing I've got to live by, the only thing that's going through my head when I'm about to top myself- 'something God damn decent better come out of this if I stick around'.
Of course it's hard to think that way when you're feeling crappy, even I think it's a load of garbage when I feel that way.

I do think that people who aren't going through mental illnesses and have never experienced it can be very naive about it, so they say things intending to sound helpful and only make you feel worse. I tend not to rely on these people for help anymore.

http://aloadofbright.wordpress.com/2...-for-a-reason/

[El-ahrairah]

>o< I hate being told that, but sometimes good happens out of bad, even if at the time I don't see it. I remember though someone very wise told me " Everything you do has a reaction, because of this you can change and manipulate your future by action of the present" and I was like this is so simple but over looked but true...

[crazycow]

hello, i'm new to this website & this is my first post i am very scared today having done several pysch central quizzes to determine my personality & am scoring badly with several mental illnesses, very confused now, feel really low now, just confirmed some of what i suspected & shocked me in other ways. guess i really need to kick my psychaitrists ***, as he hasn't even disagnosed me properly yet, & the results will now have to make my g.p take action, well i hope she will, much love to you all & welcome to me ! big hugs, loves & kisses.

[lonegael]

((((((Googley))))) My mother is fond of throwing this out, and when she did that to me when we were struggling with my son's diagnosis, I flipped out at her and screamed "Don't you make me hate God!"
Alot of people think there is a perfect saying to fit everything, and that if you toss out enough of these peious phrases, then you have done your bit. They are ususally, like my mom, great at being able to tell you what that reason is as well.
I frankly did not, and do not, feel comforted by that statement. I feel that yes there may be a reason, but I am unlikely to understand it, so it's best to just leave the issue alone.

[Sooles]

i hate when people say that too!
everything doesnt happen for a reason... sometimes rap just happens!

people say that because they dont understand what you (we) are going through. and i dont think they can be blamed for that - people dont understand because either nothing like this has happened to them, or because it has but they have just been better equipped to deal with it.

i believe in the luck of the draw. it sucks that a lot of us get all the bad luck. (but i tend to be thankful that we dont all get it evenly because there are important little people in my life who i would not want to see suffer.)