[Lik3]

Not too long ago, someone wrote me an email because I wanted to know more about the population of their country. He knew that I am African-American and he answered my question. He then told me that he was of German and English descent. He also told me that he wasn't a racist, but he didn't like black people. Needless to say, I cannot get over what he said and in term, I decided to ignore him. It was very hurtful and I never really had anything like that happen to me. But since then, I wondered if all white people, regardless of nationality are racists, whether they are blatant about it or were subtle about it. Subtle is like deep down, white people in general think they are better than black people. What I didn't tell you was the guy was from Colombia and I haven't heard or read nice things about Latinos in general. Where I am from, there isn't a large Latino population and so my exposure with some Latinos online have been negative and others have been positive. I think I may be a "racist" (I put racist in quotations because I know Latino isn't a race.) It is as if the more African in their minds, the poorer, the less educated, the dumber, and all other negative attributes while white people are seen in a better light. Any ways, I sometimes have negative thoughts about white people and Latinos in general. Sometimes, I just don't like white people and wonder why some black people do like them. Am I a racist or am I just cynical? Your comments will be greatly appreciated.

[donut]

I never personally look upon people in terms of race. I don't care. However there are certain human traits that I find disagreeable in people and it wouldn't matter what colour they are or where they are from.

Are you mistaking personality with race?

[KathyM]

Hi Lik

I get where you're coming from, but you can't say you don't like white people until you get to know all of them - that would take more than a lifetime. Saying you don't like white people is as bad as someone saying they don't like black people.

I'm a white woman who was married to a black man, together for a total of ten years, and we have a son together. The breakup of our marriage had nothing to do with race. Even during our most painful arguments, race was never a factor. My ex was a lousy husband, but he's a good man and I consider him a friend. I'm still very close with my in-laws.

I am now married to a Latino man, and we've been together for over 20 years.

I totally get your skepticism though. When I started dating after my divorce, several people broke up with me after finding out my son's race. If not, they said derogatory things about black people. There was no way I would be able to trust someone like that around my son, so I basically gave up dating - it's not right to sacrifice a child for a man.

When I met my husband (Mexican heritage), I tested him during regular conversations to see what he'd say. He passed my test with flying colors, and he's an excellent father to my son - who is now an adult. My husband and my ex-husband respect each other and the roles they play in my son's life.

I'm sorry you ran into a jerk. I hope one day we will learn to recognize each other as human beings first.

[lonegael]

First, thanks for a very honest and very brave post. I don't think there are a lot of people who would have dared write such a self exposing post, unless they were really hoping to make some sense out of what they were feeling. I'll try to be as honest as i can in return.
As you can tell by my user name I am heavily Celtic ancestry (yep, one could get more precise about that, but I won't) and i have a heavy dollop of German in their too, plus or minus a couple of other groups in there, most white. I say most because the German group my father's paternal grandfather hails from were known as "Black Dutch" and that opens up a whole new can of worms I won't touch right now. Just goes to show you "white" is as made up a term as "latino" when it comes to race.

I think it is very hard for many of us who are white to say if we are racist by someone else's definition or not. First, people in general have a way of thinking about who they have most in common with and tend to think in terms of those people as "preferrable" and others as "less preferrable". This could be anything from wanting to discuss politics of a certain tye with a person fom a known liberal or conservative background to assuming that people who simply look like oneself are the only that should be called human beings. If, for example, you have been hurt by some one who is white, and are sesitive to perceived racism in others who are white, you might pick up even very small signals of this tendency to draw to those who are like oneself and read all such signals as racism. In some cases, it might just be that, for example, if I here you are a physicist, I who have no clue of such things, might think, "I'd better find another philosophy person to talk to or I wil make a huge fool of my self." In other cases you might be right.
Then there is also that I as a white, am also by dint of rearing not always aware of all the ways that my culture and behavior is at times hurtful or negligible to people of other backgrounds and colors. Until one is in a situation where oneself is a minority, this is not always possible to even notice. It's called "blind spot" like what you would have in your field of vision, or where your mirrors on your car don't catch all the views outside the car. without the extra perspective, it is simply impossible to catch where one makes those mistakes unless someone helps you see it. When you train to be a psychotherapist, hopefully you can get help from someone who doesn't belong to you own ethnic group to help you catch some of your blindspots before you go out and really botch things
Finally, it's a generally human problem I think. It's one i have to work on all the time, and one that I find almost everyone whom I meet who takes such things seriously and is aware of them has to watch. Race isn't always what sets everyone off; some people get going on sex, or religion, or gender, or even weight. My weak point is middle aged women of a certain personality type. if I am not careful, I start thinking I know all about them, when actually, I have barely even met them. In doing so, I can be very, very unfair and hurtful. When i lived at home as a teenager, race was more of a problem because I still had to separate from my mom's problems about it. Now I can recognize the reflexs that come from that part of my raising and can say with some relief that it has been a while since I have been aware of any automatic thoughts that I remember that I recognize as coming from her opinions when meeting people who come from other races. Then again, to be honest, that I recognize.
Hope that helps some what. take care, and good luck to you.

[salukigirl]

I think it sounds more of a cultural thing. There are plenty of races in America who have the typical "old white man" views on things and are, in my opinion, just as annoying as an old rich white man who hates everything. However, one of my best friends who is black flat out told me I would never meet her family because they would hate me for being white and would call me a 'peckerwood'. They grew up in Mississippi in the age of segregation so I don't blame them.

Sometimes you have to kind of force yourself not to fall into that mind frame. I have to remind myself "not all Mexicans are like that, there are plenty of white people who do that same thing" because, in Arkansas, there is a lot of anti-Latino thinking that goes on. It gets hard to keep those negative thoughts out of my mind but I know I can't allow myself to start looking at people differently based on the color of their skin.

Personally, I hate Chicagoans lol. No matter their race. I used to live in Southern Illinois and it's not any race I can't stand, it's the culture of that city. Just like some people don't like 'yankees' (a.k.a. me) not because of their race but the culture of the north. Same goes for the south. Just like I know within Mexico there are plenty of cultures depending on the area. Or people from countries like Honduras or El Salvador actually get offended if you call them Mexican but, to Americans, 'they all look the same'.

I think it all depends on your experience. The fact that you realize your differences is a huge step and something a lot of literally racist people never get to.

[Lik3]

Thanks. It stems from being hurt by this one person and this one comment being a trigger to these thoughts. I never thought of myself as racist or anything like that, but lately I have been having my doubts. I feel that I have been getting worse instead of better. I find myself searching all over the internet about infidelity and it has been more difficult to stop. I am just frustrated. Now I find myself having fears which I will discuss in another thread.

[einundzwanzig]

I know what you mean. Sometimes I wonder if I'm racist, although I just think I'm judgemental, not necessarily racist. I think we all have these preconceived judgements about people with out really realizing it. There are just certain types of people who I have lower tolerance for, but these aren't necessarily race issues but more like lifestyle issues. Although, sometimes there is a connection here. For instance, people who refuse to work, so they go on welfare, or women who have 4 or 5 kids and can't even take care of themselves, because of drugs/or irresponsibility etc are the ones I have trouble not judgeing. When I was in high school, this guy accused me of being a Nazi, thus hating Jews. I didn't really get his reasoning for this since I never made any anti-sematic comments- I didn't think. Apparently, because I'm German, I'm automatically a Nazi ??? Interesting concept I guess.

But yeah, people are just rude and ignorant etc. I do think we all have some deep-seeded unconfortability with certain races/actions of people etc.

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