[MissingMyOldSelf]

So, today was the Thanksgiving Carry in here at work. I chose not to participate for personal reasons. Those being:

1) I'm on a strict high-protein diet, and the only thing brought in that would be protein is TURKEY.
2) I didn't have the time, nor the money to make something for the carry in, so I didn't join in.
3) I just didn't feel like it. My meds aren't really helping me this week, so I'm in a low slump.

I told my boss the reasons, and I didn't sign up for the dinner. The lady on the other side of the room, who seems to think she's our 2nd in command, sends out a mean letter, saying that I was boycotting the dinner, I was being antisocial, etc etc,... really just blowing off steam on stuff she has no idea about. So, my boss calls me into his office today to ask why I was boycotting the dinner.

I had to tell him the reasons, and he was fine with it, and I just went back to my desk. I get rude emails sent to me from the lady asking me WHY I didnt participate, and I just simply told her "John knows," meaning that I already spoke to him. She asked two more times, and I just responded back with, "John knows." Because, it's really none of her business.

So, now, as I sit back, I'm sure people think I'm rude for not participating. I'm not sure what to do. It's actually really starting to get to me, and I've already cried a few times. I don't know why I'm letting this bother me. Usually I'm very outspoken with my thoughts, but I was nice to that lady and said, "I'm sorry that you're upset that I didn't participate, but I know that it wasn't mandatory... and people don't always participate in the birthday carry in's... so why is it such a big deal that I didn't participate??" She had no answer other than, "Let's just not say another word."

Shouldn't she have done that in the first place???

Honestly, I wish I could start the day over, and just call in sick.

[Landance]

Sounds like she was either really passionate about the dinner or trying to get a reaction out of you. You probably weren't the only one who opted out. Don't let it get to you.

[MissingMyOldSelf]

Thanks Landance. I know I'm not the only one who didn't participate, but I'm the only one who got the mean emails. Other people who didn't participate didn't get a thing.

And you know.... the more I think about it.... I've participated in every single carry in for the last 3 years.... I miss one... and I get my butt reamed for it??? REALLY??

And all my boss says -- "I'm not getting involved." REALLY? My work performance today has been awful because I've been crying because I can't believe how some people are treating me..... and this doesn't seem to bother him.

[lonegael]

MMOS, she sounds like a cow. she probably went after whoever she felt she could get a rise out of today.I woould have gone ahead and asked her why she was the one who decided to make a big thing about it then, but now is a bit past the issue. Make her happy tommorrow and leave a milkbone on her desk. Nah. The thought it nice, but I woudn't go that far. HUGGGGGGSSSS Leave that one behind and chalk it up as one best forgotten.

[rfranks]

She sounds like she has had issues with you for a long time. Issues of jealousy and resentment. Its what I have discovered when an attack comes out of no where and when it seems over the top. My question is why did you boss get involved in the first place and why is email being allowed to be used as a form of harassment. I'd be hitting human resources if it were me. Let it go its only a work place meal. Ignore her she has bigger issues than you.

[donut]

Oh dear I am sorry you are having a hard time. That woman sounds like a bit of a bully to me. I think you handled yourself really well and said exactly the right thing. Well done you! Try to just ignore her from now on.

I am having similar problems at work myself with one particular woman who just bullies me on a regular basis. It is exhausting isn't it? take care.

[MissingMyOldSelf]

Thank you guys for the support and the laughs!!!!!! I mean, I know I was in the wrong to email her back, and I should have just not said a word, since it really wasn't any of her business on why I didn't participate. All carry-ins are VOLUNTARY, NOT MANDATORY. Ughhhhh.

@ rfranks: not sure why the boss had to get involved. All I know is that the night before the carry in, another person from that side of the room came over and asked us if we were participating in the carry in. My thought was that the person that came over was the "spy" for them. So, we told them no, we weren't participating (thought that it was made clear since our names weren't on the sign up list for the dinner), and that person walked away. Immediately, the instigator of the group/fight emailed our boss and said that we were "sabotaging the carry in by boycotting it."

Wow. I thought that drama like that was left behind when I graduated... or it was left to the professionals on TV.... guess not!

So, I came back into work today after dressing up a bit (my hubby said I looked like I should work in New York for some lawyer), putting on a bit of makeup, got my hair "did", and stopped and got some Chinese to bring my spirits up. She's come into work and hasn't even made eye contact with me. I think she knows she was in the wrong, and to me, that's gratifying enough

Still pondering if I should participate in the Christmas carry in now.........

[donut]

Don't let her put you off participating in the festivities. I do know how you feel though. I have a works Christmas dinner soon and I really don't want to go. However I will only look unsociable so I will bite the bullet and go.

take care

[MissingMyOldSelf]

Our Company Christmas Party is on the 4th.... and me and the other girls who sit on our side of the room are going, and we're sitting alone with our significant others. Funny how a bad situation happened and that lady and her husband don't attend the Christmas party for our work....? Wonder who she made mad?

[capricorn1975]

Sorry to hear this happened to you hun. People are very rude.... believe me i know firsthand!

I hope this all blows over for you *hugs*

[hugs46]

I just had to respond because I deal with a real nut job myself. I would either confront her about it face to face or just ignore her. She doesn't need to know why you didn't participate. It isn't any of her business. Dealing with people at work can be very trying. I truly understand. Good luck.

Nancy

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Originally Posted by MissingMyOldSelf

Thanks Landance. I know I'm not the only one who didn't participate, but I'm the only one who got the mean emails. Other people who didn't participate didn't get a thing.

And you know.... the more I think about it.... I've participated in every single carry in for the last 3 years.... I miss one... and I get my butt reamed for it??? REALLY??

And all my boss says -- "I'm not getting involved." REALLY? My work performance today has been awful because I've been crying because I can't believe how some people are treating me..... and this doesn't seem to bother him.

You could go off on stress leave, that'd fix her lil red wagon...but I think because she won't be happy until you've reacted, you should send an email around the office to everyone but her, your reason for not carrying in.

It really is no ones business and you are totally right there, but if it reduces your stress to tell ppl why you didn't join in then it is worth doing it.

You didn't actually boycott the dinner you just didn't join in. From what I know about carry ins it isn't a federal crime not to.

[MissingMyOldSelf]

Thanks everyone for the support!! I truly appreciate it!!!

Funny how that since the short work week is now upon us, she's trying hard to make amends.... I'm giving short, yet cordial answers, and I'm not going to go over the top to be friends with her. IMO, she overreacted in numerous ways, and it was uncalled for, so I'm going to just do the good thing for me: stay away from my bad work triggers. I dont need that this week, especially since my birthday is Saturday

[billieJ]

I know how you feel about the difficulties of "luncheon" participation at work. Particularly when you are not feeling well or on a special diet. The lady who responded to you so rudely has the problem, but I know it's easier said than done to keep from responding to such outrage with hurt feelings. Believe it or not, this will pass. Work is socially difficult for some of us. Others thrive on it and may take our lack of participation as anti-social. Glad your boss understood. That, in the long run, is the main thing. Try giving the lady an out-of-the-blue compliment when next you meet, if you can do so genuinely. If nothing else, perhaps she will be wearing an attractive hair clip! Responding with kindness can be devastating to the rude one! billieJ