When friends try to be supportive and it doesn't work.

I'm 41 and single. I've managed to accumulate a fair bit in the way of assets over the years, so I decided the responsible thing to do was to draw up a will. I'm not sick, I'm not suicidal, I am however very aware that there is the very real risk of a traffic fatality or me developing an illness given that until the last 6 months I have not led a particularly healthy lifestyle. And I do not want the government deciding what to do with my stuff. Hence the will. I have an appointment with a lawyer Fri. morning to draw it up so I spent yesterday afternoon & evening listing my assets and putting down who I want to leave them to. My big asset classes are my retirement savings, my car, my musical instruments, and my jewellery.

I own a lot of expensive jewellery much of it antique, and other than family pieces that I inherited that I want to keep in the family, I'm leaving all my jewellery to friends.

But I don't know what jewellery my friends would prefer to get so I thought I'd call them up and ask for their preferences. Here are some of the responses I got.

AL - are you sure you're ok? Is there something I need to know?
MAT - Have you gone off your meds? are you suicidal, can I drive you to the hospital?
Maureen - What aren't you telling me?
Carol - you haven't been drinking have you?

I had a great deal of trouble convincing each of them that I was ok, and that I was just trying to be a responsible adult.

Your friends care about you a great deal ... .

How lovely !

It would startle me too if one of my friends did that because it sounds like a plan for now, not in the future. As Tishie said, they just care.

Personally, I'd rather not have a friend do that to me. I would prefer my friend decide what it is they would like me to have. Whatever is given to me, regardless of monetary value, would have more meaning because a "piece" of my friend would be included with the object.

Also, if you open it up to your friends you run the risk of them squabbling over your stuff. If my friends started squabbling over my stuff before I was even gone, I'd be a little ticked at them. They would appear more like grave robbers than friends.

Your heart was in the right place though. Sorry it backfired on you.

Congratulations on doing a Will. Well done! Did you ask them if they have a Will? Sometimes people don't want to look at death so they leap to those other issues. If they have a Will they likely would not be asking this question so quickly but would be complimenting you for being responsible. Don't hesitate to remind them.

Hello, splitimage. I would not be upset with your friends. As others have said, they care.

this is a good lesson for us all,, any of us with valuable property should have a will,, and an executor who is willing to shoulder the burden of the task. that being said, one of the warning signs for suicide is the giving away of possessions... so your friends were incredibly aware and well informed~! congratulations on both your decision to make a will, and for keeping such good friends~!! best wishes, and happy new year~ Gus

I commend you for drawing up a will. I'm a law librarian, and I've seen problems created by people who didn't. One woman came in to the library, because her young son (28 yo?) was killed in an auto accident - intestate, of course. In her grief, she hadn't thought to do anything about it immediately after he died, and it created a mess. Very, very sad.

I also had a woman come in because her husband was dragging his heels over making a will. Second marriage for both. Both brought significant assets to the marriage. Each wanted their own assets to go to their own grown children from the previous marriages. But hubby seemed to have some superstition that he'd keeled over dead right after making a will.

I told her she didn't need a lawyer; she needed a therapist!

We are in the process of changing our will, its very complicated as its a second marriage with children from my first marriage and a child from this marriage.

Trying to be fair to all children plus naming an executor to look after the money for the children not to mention someone to look after the children should something happen to both of us !

We also did a name change on the children to let them have my now married name added to their name...

Thankfully its all done by post so only two visits to the actual solicitors and it was surprisingly cheap.

I can imagine your friends´ reaction. If it was me it would give me a big scare. In their eyes its a red flag going up unless you are extremely circumspect in telling them what you have in mind.

They care about you and sounds like you have true friends

You've got an interesting mix of friends there. I'm particularly fond of Carol. Is her natural posture standing arrow straight, feet slightly apart, and hands on her hips?

I like Mat and Al, the problem solvers. They appeal to the more male side of my personality. I need to update my will. As it is, I am packing up some of my stuff and giving it to various of my nieces, depending to what side of the family my "heirlooms have come from. Some of them I rescued because certain people had no idea of what was in front of them an they were tossing the stuff because they thought it was "junk". the girls get invited up and get to choose what they like, and their moms have, until now, gotten to take care of the jewlery for them.

My boys have an executor. Everyone knows who it is. things still have to be updated. it is always a pain when new kids come, parents are old, property is bought sold, gained lost.... HUGGGS