from the BBC re Terroist Level Threats/humorous!!

From the BBC - by John Cleese.

ANNOUNCEMENT

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."

Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend", and "The barbie is cancelled."

Gotta love John Cleese!!!!! Thanks for that!

Thank you, thank you, thank you, Madisgram!! That's the funniest piece I've read in years! I really didn't think John Cleese had it in him, that he was only an actor reciting the words of others. But it's just so, so funny! Thanks again! Take care.

Gulchenrouz standing upright, laughed outrageously whilst reading this on an Ipad over someone else's shoulder in passing, suddenly leaning back and with his one hand on the floor rotates his body 540 degrees on his wrist before lowering his feet to stand in the exact same spot he was standing in previously, now facing the correct way having missed your turnoff due to reading the text, goose stepping away with a flick of your foot flurished with a sarconical smile on your face you continue your quest in looking for the correct therapist to cure you of your ocd.

cleese is funny.

LOL that was hilarious ((madisgram)). I can't tell you how much I needed that laugh.

this is funny. what would it be where u live here in wv i think the lowest is lets smoke a joint the middle is lets get drunk the highest is lets go up the hollar & get really wasted gotta remember to bring the arsenal in the gun cabinet lol it feels nice to let a warped sense of humor out cant forget the 30yt6 bolt action so we can deer hunt in case we get hungry lol lol lol

I have just one thing to say! WE only cancel the barbie if there is no pork chops & or snags! )

LOL need a good laugh. Very funny... Thanks for sharing...

Haha! This is brilliant.

Madisgram, this is great! Thanks!

How witty.

Thank you, Madisgram!

Thank you :-) Laughs are hard to come by today... but sure feels good