[manicminer]

As an avid outdoorsman and hunter, I am constantly surrounded by all kinds of weapons. We probably have nearly 20 firearms and countless knives where I currently live. Although I have never attempted any harmful acts, their is always that voice in the back of my head, especially when I am alone in my treestand or walking through the woods, that reminds me how easy it would be to end it all with the simple movement of a fingertip. I have no intentions or desire to ever use a gun or knife on myself, but that little reminder never seems to leave me alone. The only time that I can remeber it wasn't there is when I was hospitalized and they had me on 2250mg of Depakote (way too high for me). Any suggestions on how to supress this??

[Perna]

I would see a therapist and see if you could work on why you get the thought, what underlying issues you might have. I know there were times when I had the thought of driving my car into a bridge abutment I often passed by. I think there will always be ways our mind will find and stray to if we have an underlying issue that is asking for help?

[manicminer]

Thanks for the input. The underlying issue for me is bi-polar disorder. My next psychotherapy session is in September. I guess I should bring it up then.

[Inedible]

Personally - and this is just my opinion - I tend to suspect that anyone who says they have never considered suicide are either lying or just too stupid to have thought of it. It isn't really a subject that comes up in conversation much and I don't feel it would be a good idea to start polling people at work. Even talking about suicide seems to be a sort of taboo subject and that by itself probably increases the feeling of being alone.

[Sunna]

I have weapons around and have considered suicide. Once have come very close to it, but for a friend who refused to go, despite my assurances that I am fine. I made it that time, and since then I take an odd comfort in having a weapon around. I tell myself that I do not need to fear the future, because I will always have a way out should things become unbearable. And I can bear quite a bit, as it turns out.

Back in the days that I was diving I made an agreement with myself that if I decided to end my life I will rent an air tank, drive to Monteray to Monastery Beach, swim out and do slow deep dive down the cliff side. I would have quite a bit to do, and a long drive, and look forward to dying possessed of giddy happiness of oxygen necrosis. All that would pretty much rule out any chance that I am acting under the influence of emotions.

I think somewhere along the lines I stopped believing my suicidal thoughts and feelings. When I am depressed I will feel and think that my life is pointless, that I am worthless, that there is nothing to live for, but a part of me know that to be not true, and I know I have felt those things before and then I did not. So now, I am not concerned about harming myself because of some feelings or dark thoughts.

But I encourage you to explore your situation with your therapist.

[Omers]

I have been sui around guns often... there is just something within me that could not use a gun. They have too bad a reputation as it is. If I am sui I am safer around guns than cars or pills.

[Yoda]

I read recently that people who have been around guns for long time are not as high at risk of suicide/homicide as people who only recently procured their guns.

I personally would never use a gun for suicide because the fail rate is fairly high and then you are just messed up but still alive.