[radio_flyer]

Is maybe a hard question? For me, I trust others but I always leave room for deceit, lies and human error.. We all make mistakes or do something wrong one time or an other. Although some do deliberately try to deceive. Sometimes they are the hardest to discover...

Guess I am trying to "figure out" aj's g/f. Not for AJ's sake, but for me and only me. I get along with her and she is fun to be around. We spent Saturday afternoon cooking a huge breakfast, "she did the cooking, I pretty much watched".. Food turned out yummmmers. She is a great little cook.. We talked and laughed and had a pretty good time...ALL was well... Everyone was happy and in a good, calm way..

Then around 10pm she vanishes for 2 hours.. AJ started to get irked and I told him to chill, that she loves to shop, give her some space... Guess if it wasn't for her history of "addictons" one would not think anything of their partner going out for several hours.. and I understood AJ's concern.

Thing is she left this cute, pink, little pencil or cosmetic brush container in the kitchen. I though oo this is soo cute and I peeked inside and what I saw shocked me. I dropped the container on the countertop as my hands were shakinking...I wanted to hide it and pretend I didn't see it but the I stink at telling lies...I opened it again and wanted to take some out and give it to AJ's dad to check it out, but again my hands were shakingi and I couldn't do it.. I knew she'd be back when when she realized she left it downstairs which in fact, I no sooner zipped it back up she was in the kitchen to get it.. My heart was pounding. I was angry.. I was scared. I didn't know what to do.....a I pretty much know what it was. I haven't said anything about it. ANd I won't, until I find it again... She comes across very convincing.. What is she doing having this stuff?

I only wished I had grabbed it and hid it outside and run to take a shower as to make it seem I wasn't in the kitchen.. Too late for that as I am not always that fast thinking when stressed or worried let alone in shock..

I can't prove anything unless I find it again.. Which, of course, I can't.. So my trust wavers back and forth... She really can be "delightful" to be around.. Her urine tests come back negative. But not sure if she is still going to the doctor.. And I don't want to be the one to create a problem, esp if I don't have evidence on hand.....

Is she pulling the wool over our eyes.. I pray she isn't..She has so many good things going for her. I think, if she is "for real and not being deceitful" would make a great partner for AJ...Although that really is none of my business... I'm just sooo confused... I want to believe her..

Trust is good.. One should never trust l00%.... Saves for a lot of heartache.. Just tallking to get stuff off my chest...

[(JD)]

For me, and I think for most people, each person I meet begins with a certain level of trust by me... they build on it or take from that level as time goes on.

I can trust some explicitly, but they're human too, so things can interfere with a perfect outcome. I trust them fully, but not life, you know?

But, I do trust God 100%.

[madisgram]

have you and AJ considered going to nar-anon or al-anon?
this is just my opinion but AJ deserves a right to know. in addiction, being sneaky and not forthright goes with the territory. i don't know what you found but it sounds like the "pink elephant in the living room."

Ask yourself the following questions and answer them as honestly as you can.
1. Do you find yourself making excuses, lying or covering up for the addict in your life?
2. Do you have reason not to trust the addict in your life?
3. Is it becoming difficult for you to believe his/her explanations?
4. Are the unaswered questions causing hostility and undermining your relationship or marriage?
5. Are your suspicions turning you into a detective and are you afraid of what you might find out?
6. Is concern for your spouse, child or friend causing you headaches, a knotty stomach and extreme anxiety?
7. Is your spouse, child or friend easily iritated by minute matters? Does your whole life seem a nightmare?
8. Are you unable to discuss the situation with friends or relatives because of the embarrassment?
9. Do you over compensate and try not to make waves?
10.Do you keep trying to make things better and nothing helps?
11.Is the lifestyle of this person changing? Do you ever think they may be using drugs?
If you have answered YES to four or more of these questions, Nar-Anon may be able to give you the answers you are looking for.

this is a complicated situation but hope these suggestions may help.

[NuckingFutz]

On the trust no one 100%... we need to learn to trust ourselves, what we see, feel, hear and say. We need to learn to trust our reactions and our ability to make good choices. So many of us grew up without these skills and it leaves us floundering until we have no where to turn and need help.

[likewater]

I trust some people 100% with certain things. Ie. I can trust my boyfriend not to cheat on me
I trust my friend shawn not to steal. A few people such as them have earned a very high level of trust like 99% but theres a reason for that. They earned it. They still hurt me and i hurt them . We are only human. As far as addictions go?
You can trust addicts to let you down and ypu cant take it personally. It's their demon. Im very sorrouy you are struggling with this. I wish you and your partner the best. W

[ECHOES]

Some think there are no 'mistakes' and would consider her leaving her pink container in the kitchen no accident. She didn't need it while she was cooking. So perhaps it is a way of asking for some help?

You all enjoy her and you all are concerned about her. What about a group discussion about how much you care about her, and how concerned you are about some behaviors.

There have been people I have trusted to the max. Some proved unworthy. Mostly, my trust works best on a sliding scale.