Anyone know any good jokes?? (please place them here)

1 day a little girl comes in the house and anounces, my tummy hurts.

the mom says, that's because you're hungry, you need to put something in it

a couple of days later, the vickar comes round for dinner.

after dinner he says, oh, i've got such a head ache

the girl says.. that's because it's empty!. you need to put something in it!

1 day an irishman walks in to the bar and orders 3 beers.

he walks to the table, drinks them all 1 by 1, then goes back to the bar and orders 3 more.

the bar tender says, it's best if i pour them 1 at a time- they go flat as soon as i pour them

irishman explains i've got 2 brothers, 1 in australia, and 1 in america. we made a promise after the war we'd drink together- and since we can't all be here, it's a nice way of doing it.

the barman thinks this is a good idea and leaves it at that

anyway, the irishman becomes a regular in the bar- always ordering 3 beers.

1 day he comes in and only orders 2

the other regulars fall silent

when he goes up to get the second round the barman says, i'm so sorry for your loss.

the irishman looks quite confused for a moment, then a light dawns in him and he says.. oh no, everyone's fine. i've just given up drinking

2 blondes go on holiday to disney land california

so they are driving in their car and they see a sign

disneyland left..

so they went home

come on people... let's fill this thread up with jokes!. hahaha

Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

A 3 years old boy sits near a pregnant woman.
Boy: Why do you look so fat?
Pregnant woman: I have a baby inside me.
Boy: Is it a good baby?
Pregnant woman: Yes, it is a very good baby.
Boy: Then why did you eat it?!

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."

Wife: "In my dream, I saw you in a jewelry store and you bought me a diamond ring."
Husband: "I had the same dream and I saw your dad paying the bill."

My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

Police: Where do you live?
Me: With my parents.
Police: Where do your parents live?
Me: With Me.
Police: Where do you all live?
Me: Together.
Police: Where is your house?
Me: Next to my neighbors house.
Police: Where is your neighbors house?
Me: You won't believe me if I tell you.
Police: Tell Me!
Me: Next to my house.

Teacher: "Anyone who thinks he's stupid may stand up!"
*Nobody stands up*
Teacher: "Im sure there are some stupid students over here!!"
*Little Johnny stands up*
Teacher: "Ohh, Johnny you think you're stupid?"
Little Johnny: "No... i just feel bad that you're standing alone..."

Cop: "Did you kill this man?"
Me: "No, a bullet killed him. Bullets are made of lead, which comes from the ground. The ground is part of nature. He died of natural causes. Case closed."

Inventions by idiots:

1) Inflatable dart board
2) Glow-in-the-dark sunglasses
3) A book on how to read
4) Solar-powered flashlight
5) Screen door on a submarine

Ooooo, fantastic.

and here's a poem:

I dig
you dig
he digs
she digs
everyone digs
(I know it's not a good poem, but it's so deep)

Two psychiatrists are doing their rounds. When they are finished one turns to the other and say, "You are doing great but how am I?"