[LiteraryLark]

I'm babysitting a 5 and 3 year old, and they are complete opposites of each other. They seem to have fun when they horse-play, but this leads to fighting and crying. What troubles me most is the lack of "our'' toys. He has his toys, she has hers, but she likes to play with his toys such as balls and toy sacks and he flips out when she touches it, even when she was already playing with it first.

Is this normal behavior for children? I remember having a ton of toys that my brother and I shared. My brother and I would always play cars and army men together, and we had a stuffed animal we would bring to life and play together, even though that was really my brother's toy.

I don't remember ever fighting with my brother over toys because we always shared.

As a babysitter, what do I do when they are fighting over toys? Should I introduce toys they can play with together? If so, what?

[LiteraryLark]

They're currently fighting over his flashlight.

[unaluna]

I don't know about opposites, but that is a pretty wide age gap, isn't it? Who is older, the boy or girl? And who's older, you or your brother? Could girls' earlier verbal development be a contributing factor?

[whenwillitend]

It depends on how the parents handle it. It is normal for children to be "selfish" and not want to share. They have to learn to share first. I always made sure my two knew how to share. They are now 3 and 9, and especially the little one is great with sharing. sometimes the big one takes advantage of that (eg when it comes to candy) and then I have to intervene. They both know how to take turns, and that that's the right thing to do.

When the two you are watching are fighting over a toy, give it a couple of minutes to give them the chance to resolve it themselves. It is important for children to learn how to resolve conflict. If that doesn't work, one warning "If you don't start taking turns with the toy, I will take the toy away". If that doesn't work, the toy goes into time out. That might result in a tantrum from both at first, but eventually they'll learn.

Another way is to ask the parents how they would like you to handle those situations. Every parent has a different parenting style, and that way you know you're following their rules and not confuse the kiddos.

Disclaimer: my kids aren't perfect either, sometimes they need a reminder that they need to share and take turns. But all I have to say is "share" or "you need to take turns" and it's all good.

[eloquentdisaster]

My nephew and niece are 7 and 3. They fight very viciously, but are slowly learning how to get along and share. I guess it just comes with teaching and time.

[LiteraryLark]

The boy is 5, the girl is three.

I was the older and my brother was younger, but it is the same age gap.

[whenwillitend]

My brother is almost 5 years older than me, and we never fought over toys either. We shared our Matchbox cars and building blocks, and we played together with our huge collection of Playmobil.

I really think it's up to the parents to teach them from the get go to share and take turns. I don't think age gap has anything to do with it.

[unaluna]

the boy might be a little insulted if you're not seeing how much bigger and more capable he is than his sister. Expecting him to play with HER? HA! he's not a baby. He's grownup like you. he can probably almost READ. or COUNT. or idk!

ask the boy for suggestions?

[eskielover]

It's interesting, I have seen more only children lately who when they get around others refuse to share anything they have......while I remember being an only child & everything I had was shared with others. I expected them to take care of my things while they were playing with them but as long as care was taken, sharing was definitely NOT a problem.....to this day I love to share things with others. I don't remember being taught to share....but I'm sure that teaching was there somewhere......I don't remember having to teach my daughter about sharing, & I never remember seeing her act as selfish about things as I have the younger only children of today.

Sometimes I think as parents we don't remember how our parents taught us values like that & think it just happened, so we don't think about having to teach our children until is shows up as something not very nice when they end up around others or between bro & sister. Maybe if the parents aren't around their children that much during play time, (both working full time & not spending much time around them otherwise), they really don't know how bad the selfishness actually is....if might be a good thing for you to bring up to them that you have noticed this issue occurring between then so they can be aware of dealing with it....sometimes parents shut out bickering if they have had a long week at work & don't really end up dealing with it.

I think the idea of telling them that the toys are to be shared of they are taken away until they are ready to share is a good starting place.....& explaining why sharing is a good thing & the right thing to do. Definitely not an easy job or one that a baby sitter should have to be doing....but it is what it is & you do need to deal with it in the best training way possible so they can learn in a nice way that sharing is what they need to do in caring for each other.

[LiteraryLark]

Originally Posted by hankster

the boy might be a little insulted if you're not seeing how much bigger and more capable he is than his sister. Expecting him to play with HER? HA! he's not a baby. He's grownup like you. he can probably almost READ. or COUNT. or idk!

ask the boy for suggestions?

He's very dependent on others to do everything for him, yet shows no appreciation and hates cuddling.

The girl on the other hand is very independent and loves taking out the trash and helping mommy, and is currently cuddling on my lap.