[LadyShadow]

Well, as the title suggests I would like to share experiences where you have felt you have been used and abandoned by friends.

This thread was inspired by Enchanted's (where have all the good people gone?) thread.

I just wanted to share that I had a best friend who went into isolation. I have tried numerous times to contact her and she continually ignores me. She used to be my rock and now she is nowhere to be found. I moved on from that, and have learned to let go of the anger but it still hurts you know?

I have another friend who is going through a lot right now. She contacted me in October and asked me for gas money for her car. I wired it to her. Then in November she says she finally has a job interview but doesn't think she can get there because, again, no gas money. So this time, instead of her asking, I offered to send her money to help her out.

Last week, I get a text from her, "Hey, I got a job, but I have no idea how I am going to get there without gas money". Which in turn means she wants more gas money. When the hell did I become a bank of gas money instead of a friend? Where did all the gratitude go, and all of a sudden it becomes accepted for friends to use you when you have offered to help them out through the kindness of your heart?

I don't understand it at all. Where did all the good people go?

Feel free to comment and leave tales of your experiences if you wish.

Thanks to all for reading my vent

[Nicks_Nose]

I understand your frustrations Platinum. Seeing it from your friend's perspective also, though, if your friend has been without work, and needs money for transportation and has just acquired the position, then your friend will most likely not be able to contribute until the first pay period rolls around. Therefore, the friend is still in need until that income arrives. He/she could be also accessing help from others whom you are not aware of, meaning it is not only you they are running to for assistance with things. Give it time. This person may need some time to get back into a position to pay back or if they do not offer immediately, ask for the favour back sometime.

[LadyShadow]

Thanks Nicks Nose. I guess I didn't see it that way. Thanks so much for your input. I guess its hard to see it from her perspective because she only texts me when she needs something, not just to see how Im doing. I guess thats what bothers me the most. Not just a hi or anything, But I also understand that when you have worries and money problems youre not in a "friendly" place. Thanks for posting

for me (well this girl's not my friend anymore) but:

i knew this girl who said she wanted to help me with dealing with my MI (and learning some stuff along the way)

so anyway, she didon't know anything about it at all.. and through that, we became really close- to the point where we even had our own song we played which made us think of each other

anyway 1 day i asked her if she'd like to sign up on 1 of the forums i'm on to learn some more stuff about it- she agreed, and days and days went by without hearing from her

then 1 day she randomly spoke to me... i hate you, i didon't realise you were such a worthless case- you're not worth my time.. screw us being close, we're not

and that hurt at the time... i still can't listen to the song in question

[Cotton ball]

Platinum,
I'm sorry and yes it does hurt to be used by others, either emotionally or financially. In my experience I feel they often go hand in hand.
After my experience with my ex-I shut down emotionally dealing with the pain and fear and went into isolation. During that time period I took a very close look at myself and others to see who were "really" friends. I eliminated most people who I felt were toxic and had used me, ignored me, and basically were just there for amusement. I did this slowly and carefully to both examine my actions as well as theirs.
Over the past couple months I have tried to get out of my isolation and reach out again to a new person as well as some old friends. The results seem to be the same. It does hurt.
I must again go back and examine myself and actions as well as theirs. I have been used and continue to be used. I never really realize it until after the fact. This stems from my own vulnerability and desire to try to a normal part of society and my lack of boundaries. I find the bottom line is if I dont treat someone in a certain manner I dont expect or deserve to be treated badly....do unto others.
My new friend has had me "foot the bill" 3 times. The only three time we have gone out...forgetting her credit card, ect, ect. I never do this and dont expect it to be done to me. I am a single, broke mom, I must take care of me. My job is not to pay for someone else.
One of my closest friends for over 10 years actually lived with me rent free, utility free for over a year when times were good. She was no where to be found when times were bad, when I had a baby. Not so much as a bottle of wine and girl talk. In fact the only time I am contacted is when she has man problems and she wants to talk...and of coarse although financially successful now will never even have the courtesy to come over. I am still the hostess...to provide for someone else. Sorry diapers and food is my priority...you want wine you bring it. Otherwise my home is NOT is bar.
I've also noticed 2 other people I have reached out to have the exact same pattern. They want to hang out, yet they want me to provide. These people are doing very well financially...and I do not ***** about finances to them yet I do not put up fronts.
I think if we are vulnerable this can happen so easily.
Its really a shame!!
Its time to re-examine things again...as this seems to be something I allow. Not OK.
Do you notice this with just your one friend or others as well? Its hard to see especially when they tell u they care...and you really want to believe they do.
Actions not words....
Hugs,
C

[Nicks_Nose]

Unfortunately, our society being a capitalist one, has madee every form of entertainment an expense of some kind. When people like to "go out" it will always involve a cost of some kind and that makes socializing difficult for people like myself, for instance, who struggle on low income or no income, and these people so often withdraw from social activity, feeling bad because we cannot throw money away on such frivolous items. Little do we realize how many other people are also getting closer to this economic status and cannot do it like that used to but they still want to keep up the social image.

For those of us who cannot be in the social scenes, we withdraw and detach ourselves often from people who seem to do better than ourselves, financially, because we do not feel comfortable hearing their daily stories of things they do or places they go or being invited to things we cannot afford to accept. Slowly we lose contact with these people because we have begun to say No to all of the invitations extended. Then we get angry because we have lost contact with friends.

I have been invited out to people's places but they are out of town and I cannot drive so I cannot get out to see them. One of my cousins does understand that I am struggling with this depression and she still extends an invitation when she sees me but I feel guilty for asking them to come pick me up and my work shifts make it difficulty for me to be available when the gang get together. So I am not in the social loop anymore. They do not dislike me....I am just not available whenever they extend invitations so the invitations have disappeared.

I guess what I am trying to say is that many times our social isolation is not solely due to other people's actions and decisions. Our own actions and decisions can push people out of our lives without us realizing it.

[krosis]

I don't think I've ever been used by friends, but plenty have abandoned me. I grew up in a military town, so every year at least one friend with parents in the military would move, never to be heard from again. The group of friends I had at the beginning of my freshmen year of college also stopped hanging out with me.

But the big one was when my best friend from high school made plans with me to hang out 4 times and didn't show up to any of them and didn't give a reason as to why she didn't show. Which sucks because it's really hard to think back on the good times without it being painful in some way.

Right now I don't have any friends, which I think is a good thing for now. I have big trust issues because of the above situations and being alone is giving me time to trust myself to trust others again.