Checking in (How do you feel today)? #3

Again relieved. Rent is paid. Big stressor gone.

I was so sad Tuesday afternoon, but ok i guess now. I still don't feel "all here".
I was sad because here lately I just seem to have so much trouble with sleep.. All of April basically i have been going off of hours of sleep for weeks, then crashing one day, and back at it for days to come. I want to get solid sleep... but it just seems I cant for some reason.
Monday into Tuesday I was up over 24 hours, Tuesday mid morning I went to bed and 4 hours later-- the alarm clock goes off my s/o was already gone, he also claims he did not set it- and I am not sure why it was set for the time it was..I know I did not set it, i flopped into bed with out even going pass the dresser- I don't use the alarm clock, I use my phone.

Needless to say I couldn't go back to sleep after the alarm went off till late evening, at least I got another few hours of napping before having to get up again...

just was so upset that i couldn't sleep again after that alarm... among other things...

One other things is that I feel as if I have accepted, I am just the back burner for my s/o which isn't a fun feeling at all.... other times I wonder if "I have accepted just his late notices of going out"... i am not sure and a bit confused on it myself right now.
Another thing is I am so upset about my weight, and I know being upset about it does nothing but even trying it seems like unless I go into another "manic phase" like when I was 22, I wont loose what I want/need to.

then today, I am just upset with people at work- but again nothing unusual right, for me.

I want to talk to someone but no one really cares.

I am a bit apprehensive over a personal matter....trying to assess it and see if its for real or if its bogus. I am pretty sure its more fraud, but its very convincing....just like last time.

Not true, I really care and you can always talk to me

I felt okay all day, until I responded to my boyfriend in which I believe is officially over. He doesn't get that a simple call will make all the problems go away. But then again, he has never got that. So i gave him more than a handful of text messages and bad words, and of course he didn;t respond to any of them. So why does he say he loves me?

I'm not really feeling anything today.

The stuff that i discussed with my T on Tuesday was HUGE, and i had a really bad day yesterday...but for something so 'big', i seem to feel almost nothing about it...i dont understand why!?
Maybe it's just too huge for me to actually deal with?

I feel optimistic today. I still feel like I'm in limbo, and not really sure what to do or where I'm going. But at least I feel like the anger and the outrage are settling. Just time to figure out the things I need to heal and allow myself to have them. Because therapy and groups and meetings alone aren't going to do it. I need to be doing things that feed me.
I want to get back into art, and writing, and pick up things like knitting (which I've just started) and sewing, so I can make my own clothes. I hate the **** they sell in stores.

Someone make my head stop spinning. i want an off button.

For once today has been okay but I know it won't last. Court starts in a little over a week and I'm dreading it. Even if I get the outcome I want the travel and time there is going to physically drain me well before it's over, which could very well screw the whole thing for me.

I am hopeful that all will turn out for good. I am not sure I FEEL that yet, probably need a little more coffee for that!

I had a really bad low point with depression yesterday but feeling better today.

Feeling much better after yesterday

Feeling a bit anxious this morning, but overall, I think I am okay.

I'm actually feeling pretty good today.

Sad......

Fine. Would be better if the neighbours left me the paint they wanted me to use to do their ext. windows...before they left town.

grr.

Much better than yesterday.

Took Mom for her birthday dinner with her sisters and their families. It was nice to see everybody. Mom got tired quick and we came home right after. She dreamed of my father and her father last night. She misses them very much and was glad to see them. It makes me wonder how much time she has left. I've been a bit depressed today and was crying earlier. I'm very tired.

The effexor has my moods swinging like crazy. One minute I am fine, then suddenly I am thinking of ODing, then I am back to fine again. These mood swing side effects are not good. Need to see a doc.

Today I am feeling like a complete failure.
I can't get past all my screwups and misfortune.
I want to cry..no weep and wail...but all i get is blurry vision and then it goes away.

frustrated, defeated,

I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders, even though I also at the same time feel like I have some difficult decisions to make. Ah, life.

exhausted by meds , frustrated by the same!!!

Fed up. Would like to sleep. Stop thinking. Not be constantly on edge and anxious. I just want my son home.

I am so sick, I feel horrible. But I saw him yesterday and he gave me a big hug