[IowaFarmGal]

I mean social things where you unintentionally anger someone or hurt their feelings or try something with a new group and it doesn't work out for you.

This is my BPD and paranoia shining through...I usually completely back off, push away, and have nothing more to do with it. Not because I don't want to make it work but because my fear of being hurt is stronger.

[lizardlady]

Originally Posted by IowaFarmGal

I mean social things where you unintentionally anger someone or hurt their feelings or try something with a new group and it doesn't work out for you.

If I do something to anger or hurt another person I try to talk to them about what happened. I'd like to think I'll apologise if I did something to hurt another person. It's not easy, but I prefer to clear the air with people if we disagree. Some times a person's anger stems from miscommunication. If we talk about what happened maybe we can communicate better? Or maybe we just need to agree to disagree?

As for trying something new with new people and discovering it's not for me... I'd chalk it up to experience. Tell myself I tried it and didn't care for it, kind of like trying a new kind of food. Just because I don't like the food isn't a bad thing. It just means that food is not for me.

[IowaFarmGal]

Thank you for the suggestions. They both have merit.

[NoCake]

Apologize and move on. That's all you really can do. I think you'll be forgiven most of the time anyway because everyone slips up now and again. And just try not to do that same thing again.

Take the lesson but leave everything else behind. There's no good in guilt.

[Rainthatfalls]

I can't remember the last time this has happened (my friends already get that, for the most part, if I say something rude, I'm either being sarcastic or I didn't mean it to be rude), but in terms of social relations with my teachers, it has already happened twice this year. The most recent one was actually just today.

I really disappointed my teacher, and though he didn't call out my name specifically, my friends knew who he was talking about. They all peeked at me out of the corner of their eyes. I wanted to crawl under my bed, curl up in a ball, and disappear. Unfortunately, I was in class, and not my room, so I did the next best thing I could think of at the time.

Pretend it wasn't me and act like I wasn't nearly as bothered as I really was for my friends.

That only made me feel 10 times worse when I left the class. I didn't want to approach my teacher right after class because then everyone would know instead of just my friends. I didn't want to approach my teacher alone either. I was afraid that he'd really rip into me about the impression of the assignment he'd given us and how I should've taken it more seriously. Most importantly, I was afraid that I'd break down right in front of him from all the feelings of shame and guilt and sadness and anger and fear.

I'll apologize to him in the email I'm going to send him with a second draft of my assignment attached. At least, I hope I'll work up the guts to apologize.

I will take responsibility for my actions and confront the issue (in as gentle a way as possible). If I've offended someone I'll apologize...If they've offended me I will try to look at their perspective with compassion (which is sometimes hard to do)...
Life is too short to spend it hurting others or feeling hurt. IMO kindness always wins...Although, we're only human and apt to make mistakes, be easy on yourself and others, no one's perfect afterall.
A lot of times pride gets in the way, which usually causes more harm than good. I feel that another person's feelings are more important than my hypothetical wounded ego --let it go and move forward if you can.

[studentofthegame]

could you be a bit more specific iowagirl?