why do people always exclude me when I want to join in the fun? Like today this guy wasn't particularly warm when I came over to watch him and some other girl play badminton. They were playing it outside near the auditorium and i thought that it would be fun to just watch. well turns out that as soon as i started materializing, he began to move away and start the game. i found that a little rude because I don't think that anyone should make someone feel excluded or not welcomed, especially when we all have known each other for like 3 years. these people just feel so strange to me or is it the other way around? they don't really want to talk to me and when they see me in a club or anything they just stop showing up. i noticed that and i don't want to think that it's me, because really i haven't done anything. and i think i deserve a hi back when i greet somebody.

[Inedible]

People who get rejected a lot tend to be rejected more often. You have a history with people, so they see you a certain way. More importantly you see yourself as being rejected. What you need is a way to break the pattern. Maybe you can meet some new people, in a setting that is so unfamiliar to you that you will not have the normal expectations of yourself.

i want them to take the initiative since i have done this so many times and have failed. why can't they just come to me instead? i don't have a history with these people. or maybe i do but still they should be openminded and at least greet me when they see me. im a human being too.

sometimes when people don't talk to me, i just think that they're too good for me or something. i feel a little entitled, like others actually owe me something.

[Inedible]

Those people aren't likely to change to fit your expectations. You can change your behavior and you can change your expectations. And you can try new people after you change one or both.

i am not going to change who i am because i don't see anything wrong with me. i am nice to people and i am generally friendly with people.but otehrs don't know me and they assume that they know me well and so they fall into all sorts of conclusions and expect me to be mean, which i'm not, and tehn they start snubbing me at best and mocking me at worst. it's sad but true.

[Travelinglady]

(Heyitsme7: To answer your question, I can't send you a private message, because when I try, I get a message saying you're not accepting them.)

how do i change my settings then?

[Travelinglady]

I don't know. Go into your initial section you went into when you first joined and then change how you set up receiving messages is all I know off hand. I don't do anything but private messages and the open visitor messages (where everyone can see.) Okay?

I need to get off for tonight and might not be back on until Friday night or Saturday, so please don't take it personally.

[Inedible]

Originally Posted by heyitsme7

i am not going to change who i am because i don't see anything wrong with me. i am nice to people and i am generally friendly with people.but otehrs don't know me and they assume that they know me well and so they fall into all sorts of conclusions and expect me to be mean, which i'm not, and tehn they start snubbing me at best and mocking me at worst. it's sad but true.

You aren't going to change because you don't want to. They aren't going to change because it isn't their problem. It really isn't about fault or blame or who is being nice. It is about getting results.

Originally Posted by Inedible

People who get rejected a lot tend to be rejected more often.

That goes without saying . . .

[Inedible]

Originally Posted by Illegal Toilet

That goes without saying . . .

Yes, but it needs to be said. People who get rejected a lot tend to become sensitized to it. It is like an allergy. Repeated exposure can lead to increased sensitivity. Rejection leads to more rejection. There are no antihistamines for rejection, but the sort of exposure therapy that allergy shots provide might have the right parallel. It gets to the point where people used to rejection will actually start to reject themselves. It is like getting a zero on a test in school by not turning it in, just to avoid the risk of getting a bad grade.

[ECHOES]

but otehrs don't know me and they assume that they know me well and so they fall into all sorts of conclusions and expect me to be mean, which i'm not, and tehn they start snubbing me at best and mocking me at worst. it's sad but true.

You don't know what others think or why they act the way they do, unless they say why. How do you know that they expect you to be mean? I am not doubting your perceptions, just wondering more about them, and may be challenging them.

We can't control other's thoughts or behaviors, but we can explore our reactions to others and expand our perceptions to include more ways of seeing others and of being with others. Others have their own perceptions and choices of behaviors, and their choices of friends. They choose who they want to be with. We all do, because we are all separate.

From your posts, I think you seem like a nice person and a person who wants more people in their life, and particularly more intimate friendships. And that you suffer the loneliness that comes with that.

We do have to sometimes try new ways to get what we want. And if we find we are facing the same issues, that we are responded to the same way by many others, then there is something to learn about ourselves in that.

For example - not you, but just an example I could think of - if a person who is generally a nice person is also a negative person with a gloomy outlook, then that person might not be a person others want to be around a lot. So a person might be initially accepted, but then kind of dropped down the road. The only way to change something like that is to work on the negative and gloomy stuff.

heyitsme7, we exchanged several PM's earlier this week. Whatever you did to block PM's is what you need to change to accept PM's again
You also sent me a friend request which I accepted. And then you removed me for no apparent reason. Have you ever considered the possibility that a lot of the social issues you have are coming from you and not your friends? Keep an open mind

got my answer. thanks

[avlady]

Ive found that people like to basically keep to themselves if it's the same people you are talking about, some people just like to be alone together, or just fear some type of change would be involved if you were to disrupt their meetings.

thanks for your input. i already have all the responses i need.

[IceCreamKid]

Originally Posted by heyitsme7

why do people always exclude me when I want to join in the fun? Like today this guy wasn't particularly warm when I came over to watch him and some other girl play badminton. They were playing it outside near the auditorium and i thought that it would be fun to just watch. well turns out that as soon as i started materializing, he began to move away and start the game. i found that a little rude because I don't think that anyone should make someone feel excluded or not welcomed, especially when we all have known each other for like 3 years. these people just feel so strange to me or is it the other way around? they don't really want to talk to me and when they see me in a club or anything they just stop showing up. i noticed that and i don't want to think that it's me, because really i haven't done anything. and i think i deserve a hi back when i greet somebody.

Last time I checked you didn't thank me for singing happy birthday to you after you complained no one wished you a happy birthday. If you present yourself in a friendlier manner, you will eventually make friendships with friendly people. I hope this helps.

Originally Posted by heyitsme7

thanks for your input. i already have all the responses i need.

This "attitude" of yours when people are trying to help you is probably the reason why you have no friends. If you ask for advice you have to be open to hearing it. My personal opinion is you seem really negative and always blaming others for the issues you have. I wouldn't want to spend much time around a negative person who can't see their own faults.

Originally Posted by Court_Knee

This "attitude" of yours when people are trying to help you is probably the reason why you have no friends. If you ask for advice you have to be open to hearing it. My personal opinion is you seem really negative and always blaming others for the issues you have. I wouldn't want to spend much time around a negative person who can't see their own faults.

i am not trying to be rude here, and i'm not always blaming others in public for their actions. but it's just that they don't want to be around me for no apparent reason. you all are missing the point here. and in real life, i'm not this curt unless i'm in a bad mood. Plus being the only child in the family can sometimes make one lonely.
people in the past have treated me this way so i thought it was acceptable.

Originally Posted by IceCreamKid

Last time I checked you didn't thank me for singing happy birthday to you after you complained no one wished you a happy birthday. If you present yourself in a friendlier manner, you will eventually make friendships with friendly people. I hope this helps.

i did not remember. Plus I was crying because no one else remembered.

Originally Posted by IceCreamKid

Last time I checked you didn't thank me for singing happy birthday to you after you complained no one wished you a happy birthday. If you present yourself in a friendlier manner, you will eventually make friendships with friendly people. I hope this helps.

i remember thanking you. i'm sure you've forgotten. or wait, did i forget?

most of you here are taking everything all wrong.

Originally Posted by heyitsme7

thanks for your input. i already have all the responses i need.

Originally Posted by heyitsme7

most of you here are taking everything all wrong.

See once again you say everyone else is getting it wrong but take no ownership of the situation... is it possible, maybe just a little, that you are a tiny portion of the issue?

maybe. but it's hard to own up to it. nobody likes to admit that they're wrong in a situation.