A Problem for those with Debilitating MH Issues

I think this is a real problem, in a typical social setting with your typical Joe Bloggs, who may or may not remotely understand any MH stuff. This has been stressing me out for a long time now, and I could really do with some opinions, ideas, or just knowing I'm not alone would be awesome.

If you can't be bothered to read more, the nut-shell is "How to answer when someone asks what you do for a living." If you read on, you'll see where I'm really going with this.

Lets say you're in a pub, and you meet someone, it might go like this:

Me: "Hi there."
Joe Bloggs: "Hi, I'm Joe." *hand shake*
Me: "I'm Me, nice to meet you."
Joe: "So what do you do for a living, Me?"

ALARM ALARM ALARM

And this is where the problem rears its ugly head. Here are some possible scenarios that I've thought up:

I could say "I don't work." at which point, he (or she) is likely to think you're lazy, and might even jest as such, which'll piss you off and get you both nowhere fast.

I could say "I can't work." which begs the question of why. Now, either the person will ask why, which leads to my next scenario, or they don't ask, and will likely leave an awkward silence.

Assuming I have said "I can't work." I could follow it on, or wait for an answer; lets say I follow it on: "I can't work, because I'm disabled." This, to me, doesn't work, because most of your average Joe Bloggs will simply think 'I see no physical disability', rather than thinking perhaps there's a mental disability, and even if they do realise this as a possibility, it may cause them to feel uncomfortable (I could be a psychopath for all they know) and therefore avoid you.

Lets say, following from the previous scenario, that I follow it on in such a way as follows, as from my perspective with my situation: "I can't work, because I have severe anxiety issues which get in the way of stuff that regular people struggle with, such as working." While this is true, it's certainly not the full story, however, it's probably still perfectly viable... or is it? I spoke to my parents about it, and the general thought is that this would also scare them away.

I'm damned if I do, and damned if I don't.

A suggestion of my dad's, was to lie about it all, saying I work as [insert profession here, for something which I know about, such as German, computers, mental health, etc], which I would be on-board with, except I loathe lying like this, and it causes more problems, because you then have to come up with elaborate lies to match the already said lies, and this can cause problems if these lies are used on multiple people that could know each other.

I know I've over-thought this, but I've done so for a reason. I truly think this is a problem for people like me who are "disabled", mentally, and therefore unable to work.

"What do you do for a living?" is one of the first questions Joe Bloggs (this is a term simply used to mean "any given random person") will ask you.

How do you answer? Do you struggle with this question?

I have struggled w/ the question, I'm always caught off guard. I've told a few I don't work. once I went totally blank, I said "I uhm well, nothing". I was mortified afterwards.

That's a dreaded question. I hate when people ask me that. Back when my boyfriend worked for a company that threw holiday parties at Christmas, I'd go with him, and his coworkers and friends would ask me that. I sort-of lied, sort-of told the truth, saying I was a web designer. I did design websites, but just for me, mostly, and not professionally. I've also tried answering "I'm disabled" and some people just change the subject or there's an awkward silence. I don't know what the "right" answer is to give.

I have that same problem! People ask me about where my husband works! I say he's disabled, well, what's wrong with him? Then you get the he's just lazy, I can't believe you're supporting him look!

I can probably work if i really wanted to. I just havent felt like working for 2 and a half years now.

Thanks, guys. Once again, I'm discovering I'm not alone. :P

Here's what I do.
First of all, it depends on who's asking. If it's someone I know whom I haven't seen in awhile, and I'm somewhat relatively comfortable with them (friends, family, etc), I usually don't mind telling them I'm on disability, or telling them why. My reasons for that are sometimes political; I believe that there should be less stigma attached to disability and that people need to see the faces of others who are disabled to recognize that it's not as cut and dry as having mobility issues, or however the majority of people would define disability. That's not to say that I would trust this information to all people I have made acquaintances with.
For the rest of them, I just say I'm a writer. It's not a lie; I write. I write for a website. I write novels, poetry, children's stories. I am being published in an anthology. It's not how I make my living, strictly, but it's something that if they felt like they needed to ask 'So what do you write?' - because EVERY SINGLE PERSON who I say 'I'm a writer' to follows up with that EXACT question - I could answer with clarity and confidence. I've had people have the nerve to ask what kind of money is in it for me, and if I have a 'regular' job. I say it pays me enough to get by and I'm freelance so I can basically do whatever I want and go with what interests me. They leave it alone after that.
My advice: if you feel the need to say anything at all (because I really don't see anything wrong with saying 'I prefer not to discuss it' if you really prefer not to discuss it), pick something like that. Something in your life that you do that you would feel comfortable answering questions about, and be as vague as you want. I'm not sure why the hell people find it so important to ask personal questions all the time, and then form judgements about the information they receive. But that's just the society we live in I guess. If you try this, let me know how it works for you. Good luck.

i totally struggle with this too.

i usually..; if someone asks me, pretend i've not heard, or i quickly change the subject

I'm on permanent disability due to amyloidosis. When asked "What do you do for a living," I'm not always comfortable with an honest response because it's not a very uplifting topic of conversation.

I can certainly understand your dilemma. If you don't want to lie, you can respond with "I try to eat three meals a day and remember to breathe. Works for me. What about you?"

I would just answer something light to let the other person know it is not a topic of conversation you wish to pursue, say something like, "I'm independently wealthy" with a smile or if you don't like that, feel uncomfortable with it, just answer "Live". I like Kathy M's responses too.

You could put a vague stop to the further questions by saying, "At the moment, I'm on Government disability" and that will probably stop the questions because you used the force of "Government" in there, like who are they to judge whether or not you are adequately disabled if the Government has said you are? And, you have the "at the moment" as it was different in the past and could change in the future. If they do try a "what did you do before" question you explain you were a student of German or some other subject you liked in school, etc. and maybe go on about what you are doing now in that vein, whether you are taking a course or thinking of taking a course, etc. and just gradually shift the conversation. If they keep insisting on questioning in a negative way; you don't really want to be talking/befriending/ed by that person do you? So you give them the look and tell them you think their questions are bloody rude and turn away.

Thanks! Awesome stuff!

KathyM, you made me laff with your suggestion! I've definitely though of going the town clown route, but it does leave the more persistent people that can't take a hint. Haha.

Spondiferous, thanks for the advice. I'll be sure to let you know, whenever I end up in such a sitch. :P

Shattered Sanity, I've probably done that, too. :\

Perna, that's something along the lines of what my dad suggested, I think. I don't know why I have such an issue with lying like that; I guess it's because I know that it can get messy if I keep going around lying to people. I'm a pretty honest person, TBH. :P You're right though; if someone is rude about it, the point of this thread becomes moot, as I'd rather worry about something that affects my interaction with a decent human being. :P

All, I'm just worried I'll be judged, which I guess is silly, because I suppose we all judge to a point, but if I can limit this, then that would be a bonus. I don't want to scare people off because they think I'm batshizz crazy and plan on digging their brains out with a rusty spoon when they ain't lookin'. lol I just want to be given a chance. :\ I might be fudged up, but I'm still human. I also want to avoid people feeling uncomfortable around me, like how I can be uncomfortable around some people with clear disabilities, such as those in a wheelchair. I try to treat such people as I would any other, but how I feel, is awkward and paranoid that I'm doing or saying something wrong, and I get a flood of thoughts about it, which I hate, but then again, I get that about a lot of things; maybe it's my Pure-O and self-doubt? Who knows. I think there's probably a lot of irony at me having said that after creating this thread.

*prepares a rusty spoon* BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINS!

Next time somebody asks me, I should respond, "I'm a dominatrix!" That should shut them up. Then again, if somebody told me that, I'd be full of questions! Fortunately, while I've never been a dominatrix, I know a bit about it, so I could probably answer their questions, and what I don't know, I can make up (because if they're asking me, they don't know, either)!

Whenever someone I don't know asks me that question my response is always, I'm a mom. Usually the conversations changes completely or they then begin to ask about my children.

You could also answer with "I"m not currently employed." The complete truth, but doesn't get into why you are not employed. Especially in today's economy, it wouldn't be that unusual. Or as others have said, you could reply if you are taking any classes that you are a student and what you are studying. Or that you are a homemaker (i know easier for women to say). People ask this question not to be rude, but as a conversation opener. Especially new people who don't know anything. It is easier than asking "what books do you like?" when not knowing if the person likes to read. It is a social set up, not something that is meant to make people feel bad.