[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Mental illnesses are not something one can just 'brush off'; it isn't a choice. How strong someone is, holds practically no relevance.

This is what I really want to say to someone, following their comment they gave me today, which has seriously pissed me off, and on behalf of everyone with MH issues, I'm sorry for this individual's ignorance.

Each and everyone of us have hardships in our lives that will bring us down if we let it. Personally I am a very strong person that rarely allows things to bring me down so I would probably have a harder time dealing with someone who couldn't brush things off as I do.

My Lord, does that woman need to be educated.

Have you ever had such an experience that has got to you? It's just amazing how many people who have a warped or outrageous idea about mental health problems. If that woman had said such a thing on a place like this, she'd have been lynched! I ended up gritting my teeth and ignoring her comment, so as not to insight an argument or look petty.

I had asked a group of people whether they would be willing to 'date' someone with mental health issues. I had various replies, good and bad, but this one just hit a nerve.

[Hellion]

It bothers me to when people try to act like people with mental health issues can just choose not to be effected by them or experiance and/or react to unpleasant symptoms.

[shortandcute]

I go to AA and I've had people tell me things like, "Do you have a sponsor?" "Have you worked the steps?" "Maybe you should share more at meetings" "You need to own your recovery." "Your doctor's not your mother!"

I've had other comments like, "You're not that disabled" "You just want people to think you've lost it" "You just want people to say you're mental because you like that."

[spondiferous]

Originally Posted by shortandcute

I go to AA and I've had people tell me things like, "Do you have a sponsor?" "Have you worked the steps?" "Maybe you should share more at meetings" "You need to own your recovery." "Your doctor's not your mother!"

I've had other comments like, "You're not that disabled" "You just want people to think you've lost it" "You just want people to say you're mental because you like that."

This.

Also...
Coming from someone who, my whole life, through alcoholism and everything else life threw my way, held down a job, paid my rent, managed to be a 'functioning member of society', went to school, maintained relationships, moved out on my own, moved all around the place, essentially did what I wanted when I wanted...
And now I can't do too much or else I have a breakdown. I'm on disability and afraid to go back to work because I don't want to have the same thing happen that happened when I left my job. I sometimes can't even leave my house. I get so ****ing sick of people who judge people who live with mental illness or are disabled, whether or not their disability is 'visible'.
I wish I could live my life how I wanted. I wish I could make decisions without having to second guess them all the time and analyze them into nothing. But I can't. And instead I have all these ***holes telling me what to do with my life, and that I'm taking the easy way out.

[wadingthruemotions]

The worst thing a 'friend' said to me just a week or so ago was

Cheer Up, you think too much.

Like I can turn that off and on at the drop of a hat. I totally get wanting to tell someone off for their comments or just lack of compassion as a whole for anyone that is having any kind of struggle.

It is not easy for us here. I am glad we have a place like this to come to. I would be worse off without it.

[Maven]

Years ago, in my teens, my niece (who is 7 months older than I am) said, exasperated with me, "Cheer up! God!" I haven't seen her in years, but last I heard, she hears voices and may be in a mental institution. I wonder why she doesn't just "cheer up"?

My boyfriend has confessed to me that, had he known what it would be like to live with me and my mental illnesses, he never would have gone out with me. I told him before our first date that I had OCD and panic disorder, which, at the time, was under good control from the meds I was on. I didn't know things would change. But he also now tells me he probably wouldn't date anyone with a mental illness. And I can't say I blame him...I'm not sure I would, either. Two of us with mental illness, living together? That doesn't seem likely to work for a happy relationship.

this bothers me in so many ways!

theirs just not enough attention given to people like us.. who really can't help how we feel.

the thing that gets me is when someone goes up to you and says something along the lines of... snap out of it, things arn't that bad, or when people say... stop acting awkward.

it also gets me how people are quite willing to hang out with normal people, but as soon as they find out someone has an mh issue, they are like... i've always thought of it a sort of fear. moving away from us- as if we're about to strike them in the head or something.... lol... but seriously, i don't think theiri s a single person on this forum who has noyt been affected by this... it's ahuge issue

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Everyone,

Thank you so much! The support has been amazing. Here I was thinking that maybe I was being an arse, and that I perhaps mis-read or something. (probably the pure-o making me doubt myself)

I agree with Shattered Sanity; this is a huge issue. People need to stop being so bigoted about mental health illnesses. I'm sure the healthy ones wouldn't poke fun at a guy in a wheelchair. This ugly distinction between someone with a physical and mental illness is very unfair and unjust - must we go around with a badge saying "I'm mentally suffering 24/7" before people acknowledge us?

Maven, that's a horrible thing to hear or to tell someone, I'm sure. I have been with someone with mental health issues, and I'm currently struggling with the idea of being with someone given I have mental health issues. In the normal world, it's incredibly hard to find a woman who could cope with or understand my issues. I can honestly say that I couldn't get involved with someone who was suicidal - never again; it damn near killed me, which is ironic, because I used to be suicidal myself.

Wadingthruemotions, I'm really glad this site is here, too, and it has helped me quite a lot, particularly with my recently opening up about my OCD.

Shortandcute, they are jaw-droppingly horrible things to say to someone! Virtual hugs your way!

[tokiwartooth]

Yes, like when my aunt, who is also depressed, tells me to buck up, or get over it. Yeah like she deals so incredibly well with her depression, why doesn't she just get over it. Or she just keeps asking why I'm depressed, and I'm like, I don't know! It doesn't always have a reason! Or I'll be talking to my mom, and she lives with my aunt (her sister) and she just chimes in like it's her business. She says stuff like, I'll alert the presses, let me call a waaaambulance, waaa waaa waaa. And she suffers from much of the same stuff that I do! I had to grow up with her and it still bugs me that after all this time she hasn't gotten the hint!

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Tokiwartooth, that's horrible of your nan. :\ Sounds like she has a hard time admitting and accepting her problems, and this shines when she ridicules you for yours. She needs to take a long hard look in the mirror. If your nan is elderly, there's a good chance that her lack of admittance or acceptance is because back in her day, mental health was fairly unspoken about and to some extent, I believe it was an embarrassment; something to be ashamed of. Times have changed.

[Maven]

Another thing I hate is, if you have a mental illness and get angry (and, just for fun, let's say it's a reasonable thing to get angry about, even if others disagree with your argument), people assume your MI is causing your outcry. Because MI sufferers can't have genuine emotions. How many of us (and I'm raising my hand) have been angry, or perhaps crying over something that meant a lot to you, and someone said, "Are you taking your meds?"

[tmpcase]

trailer park boys - Corey and Trevor - they have mental problems

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Maven, that alone would really get on my nerves. :\ I don't think I've been asked that particular thing, but I'm certain I've been told "You're just stressed because of the OCD." or "It's just your anxiety." as if the thing I'm unhappy about is irrelevant. I try to not take it too much to heart, since maybe sometimes it's true, and it tends to really only be my dad that tells me these things; I know he sometimes struggles to understand MH stuff, so I'm sure he means well

Maven. I HATE that. Yes, I can totally relate so much so that not only am I raising my hand, I lit a Bic lighter and am waving it over my head

That is one of the main reasons I do not discuss my MH issues and esp Rx with anyone IRL (except my doctors and T).

All the education in the world wont help these people when these stupid, insulting remarks come flying out of their mouth.

(My own mother said it to me, and I wanted to just scream, "I am on these meds because of you, you dumb cow!") Omgosh, I dont even want to get started.

[Onward2wards]

My personal "favorites" ( >_< ) are "You think too much", "Suck it up", and "It could be worse" (applied to myself or to anyone who is having a difficult time). Especially the last one - of course it could be worse, what do you think I'm worrying about?? Anyway I'd rather think about how things could be better, that cheers me up!

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Onwards2wards, you remind me of "Man up!" which seriously gets on my nerves, and also "Get a grip!" It's so insensitive and after a while, I believe it can do some subtle damage to a probably already serious problem(s).

Rose Panachée, the third line on your post made me laff!

All, The same place I saw that woman whom I posted about, I did actually spot another similar remark which was almost as annoying and demeaning. :|

What do you think could be done to improve awareness of MH issues? The only thing I can think of, is more education in schools, and perhaps make parents more aware somehow, and definitely to make teachers more aware, because a lot of this stuff, I think, can be easily recognised in school. I'm not expecting teachers to have a psychology degree, but just to know how to spot when a child isn't right and to tactfully try to help. I don't know... what do you people think?

[Maven]

I agree with teaching kids about it in schools. If you get them while they're young, they might grow up with a better understanding of the mentally ill. Hopefully, they'll go home and teach their parents a thing or two, too.

[Cherry73]

My parents ignored my mental health issues over and over until I tried to commit suicide and they had to call an ambulance and go to the hospital. Then others knew so they had to deal with it even though it was a huge embarrassment to them and I think it still is today. In fact I think to them my mental health issues were more of an embarrassment then my drug issues. I believe my mother looked at it as a personally failure on her part and would say things like she didn't get it from me and there isn't any mental illness in our family. I was diagnosed many years ago and had my first breakdown in 2002 and have been on disability for it since 2004 and my mother still doesn't understand why I want to see a therapist. You would think after many many inpatient stints and four suicide attempts she still wouln't make me feel bad about wanting to talk to someone.

[Maven]

I sent an email the other night to the college I'm attending this fall, and one of the things I brought up was about my OCD. I don't like to tell people about it, but I have an issue with using the library and used books, so I figured it couldn't hurt to ask. I wanted to know if I could use other resources (online, book stores, etc.) to do any research I might need to do for a class. I still haven't heard back yet. I don't expect them to understand and tell me that it's fine, but I had to ask.

[Neptune83]

My ex MIL has some very warped views on mental health, she thinks its all myth. I am infuriated inside, but I hold it in and instead of having a go at her, I try to educate her on the subject instead. The only reason I do this, and have anything to do with her, is for the sake of my eldest son because she's his nan. We're pretty sure he has Aspergers, and the last thing I want is for her to be as narrow minded with him as she was his dad. I can't help but think, if she had a better understanding and supported him more, perhaps he wouldn't have suffered so much with depression throughout his life.
It's got nothing to do with how strong someone is, and personally I think those suffering a mh problem who stick with it and try their best to take each day as it comes, are showing real strength. Instead of simply brushing it off. If you're brushing it off you're not acknowledging something when perhaps you should be. I think we're all mostly capable of shrugging off a minor problem, but mh isn't something to be ignored and it takes huge strength to live with a mh problem. You're not weak because of it.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Maven, that's exactly what I'd love to see. When I was a kid, I don't remember ever knowing about mental-health issues; it probably wasn't really all that apparent until my late teens.

Did you ever get anywhere with the college, with regards to your OCD?

Cherry73, I think my mother has a similar attitude to yours, and I may recall her saying "You didn't get it from me" at least once, or something along those lines. I can understand a parents' guilt in thinking they messed up, but the way that some deal with that, only isolates the sufferer more, I think.

Your mother might not understand or even acknowledge your issues, but your doctors do, any nurses, psychologists, psychiatrists, therapists, counselors, and us that you might see or talk to, also do. With all due respect to your mother, I'd sooner take the word of a highly qualified professional, of whom isn't biased in any way, than someone who simply refuses to consider MH issues as plausible.

Neptune83, wow.. a myth! I'm a living mythological contradiction! Epic! I absolutely agree; MH shouldn't be ignored.

[Maven]

Akuma, no, I haven't heard anything from the college. I'm wondering if I should contact a counselor there? I don't like the idea of making my OCD known, but if it would help me, it's probably a good idea. They don't want you to have problems and then come to them; they want you to tell them ahead of time so they can accommodate you. I just don't want a teacher to bring it up in front of class. "Everyone except Maven has to use the library to do this report. She can use the Internet." I'd feel like people would resent me if they allowed me to do that and mentioned it so that everybody knows.

Edit: I just re-sent the message. After looking on the Disability Support Services page, I saw the same email address I sent it to the first time, so I'm trying that again, but there's also a director, assistant director and a "DSS Assistant" I can try, if need be.

Originally Posted by shortandcute

I go to AA and I've had people tell me things like, "Do you have a sponsor?" "Have you worked the steps?" "Maybe you should share more at meetings" "You need to own your recovery." "Your doctor's not your mother!"

I've had other comments like, "You're not that disabled" "You just want people to think you've lost it" "You just want people to say you're mental because you like that."

Crap like that is why I've stopped going to AA.

Originally Posted by shortandcute

I go to AA and I've had people tell me things like, "Do you have a sponsor?" "Have you worked the steps?" "Maybe you should share more at meetings" "You need to own your recovery." "Your doctor's not your mother!"

I've had other comments like, "You're not that disabled" "You just want people to think you've lost it" "You just want people to say you're mental because you like that."

It's why I walked away from AA and I've never returned.

People sure are ignorant!
I would like to punch that person