The Facebook Effect

I recently stopped using Facebook so often. And now because it seems like a lot of ppl still use it... I somehow have lost touch with people.

Granted, if I really cared about these people, wouldn't I have tried to talk one on one with them in some other medium anyways? However.. that does take a lot of time.. I don't know.

I stopped using Facebook because I had some friends who decided I was emotionally exhausting and didn't want any part of my friendship anymore. But we're still Facebook friends. That's because I didn't ultimately confront them about it... I just got a vibe that was what was going on. Then another friend who was also leaving the city to live back with her parents, who I trust, told me that they thought I was emotionally exhausting and thought they didn't want to hang out with me anymore. I didn't ask her for details because I was feeling really sensitive and didn't want to go off the deep end by hearing how it might have come up. Or if it was mentioned off hand.. I would have felt better about it.. but I didn't want to take the chance either way. I took that as truth and haven't tried talking to them since. And they haven't talked to me either.

But the thing is... WE'RE STILL FACEBOOK FRIENDS. It's so weird. I thought about removing them from it.. but I figured why bother. If you remove one friend from the circle, then you'd have to remove that entire social circle because it would be awkward and obvious otherwise. But I didn't want to go to all that trouble.

So I just stopped using Facebook altogether.

As far as quality of life, I don't think much has changed with me using Facebook less. Actually, I think it's improved in that I'm not seeing the other "perfect" snapshots of other people's lives... and that I'm not posting any of those because I'm not having many of those right now!

Honestly, Facebook is just built on everyone's pride. i.e. Here this is me doing this. Me and this person are together. My family is making a snowman !(see picture). It's other people sharing their lives and getting positive reinforcement for doing it by "likes".

What are everyone else's thoughts on Facebook?
What do you get out of it, or what don't you get out of it?

What do you do to substitute Facebook?

I keep my Facebook just to keep in touch with friends/family who live long distance in addition to calling. Other than that, this past year I haven't used it. I don't post status updates anymore really, I just check my messages maybe once a month.

I think it helps me personally not using it as much, I've had times a number of years ago where I've posted ridiculous statuses when I was really depressed etc when I was a teenager. I feel as an adult I've learned better coping skills such as journaling to let out things on my mind. I like keeping my life pretty private as well, if I use it at all now it's just a general update when something really good happens, getting a job or something.

I find you are mostly right about Facebook, but I check a couple of times a day. It's the way I keep up with my daughter. If it weren't for her posting her life on Facebook I probably wouldn't be on it. I'm getting tired of recipes(I don't cook) and baby pictures. Don't get me wrong, I like a good baby picture, they're cute. But there can be too many. And since I don't really have a life or ever do anything, it's like I don't belong.

Been there, done that, with FB

I just, hid, some 'fb friends' from my newsfeed. Three, to be precise. Ahhhhhhh....

I go on, a couple times, a week. Barely post status updates. Do share photos, so that my long-distance family can see what I am up to. I have other mediums to connect with those that matter, a lot to me. Like the phone and e-mail. Hmmmm...

I'll have to agree with you Gayle. Sometimes you're that person who seems to have interests that many people do not have, which may be your translation to them that you don't really do anything.

The only things I've ever posted were memes on my dad's wall that were meant to make people laugh. However, this was boring me and my dad was replying with weird compliments that seemed avoidable to his peers. It was awkward, and it wasn't really my role in life to entertain people on a social networking site. Dad got me into it and said that I could make a lot of friends. However, he does not understand how socializing works, apparently because he was raised to be very charismatic and is so blinded by only the "good" in the world that he cannot grasp the concept of people who are introverted.

Yes, Facebook is a place to brag about things you have done in your life. Even the smallest can be considered an achievement. Since I am an introvert and not active in human society, I do not have the right to post what I do everyday.

...I got nothing.

I made a thread about Facebook:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/depre...do-i-look.html

It seems that people like showing off and it makes me depressed. It shows how much their life is better than mine, and how I am slowly just falling deeper in my despair by looking at their statuses and pictures.

I have stopped going to Facebook recently and I feel a lot better. I hardly post statuses and anything so I don't have a real need to go on there. Plus my mother added me and so when I go out drinking and want to post a status, its just weird....

I haven't had Facebook in almost two years. I don't substitute it with anything really. I go to school and work and study. I don't really feel a need for Facebook. I also maintain all my friendships with people without it. I guess it was just never my thing,.I didn't care about peoples updates and I didn't think anyone needed to be updated on my life. It was tough at first maybe but two years later I don't even remember it exists!

hihi

I think we actually discussed this situation at one point.
and... I mean if these people are as careless as it seems does it matter so much if your actions are obvious? I'd think you might actually want them to be.

Draw your line, ya know?

Also, I may have suggested this before:
the awkward can all come from them, it doesn't need to come from you.
Let them deal with the awkward, you just deal with you. And how you are looking for your own positive space.

regarding Facebook:

Reasons I use Facebook (in order) are:
1.Personal amusement.
2.Intellectual stimulation and debate.
3.Finding stupid stuff from places like Thought Catalog, Metapicture and cracked.com that I didn't find first [granted, this is an extension of "personal amusement" but takes much less effort]
4.Keeping up with major events in friends' lives.

Facebook is really a tool and like any tool there are so many ways to use it- it can be a social nightmare, or a way to connect and network, a place to exchange ideas, or...?

Also, with all the "perfect" updates and photos, I think sometimes people unintentionally do this up the ante stuff on because they feel they have to measure up... to what, I'm not entirely sure.

I try not to play that game and just have on-going random conversations with my friends. FB should be fun and relaxing and engaging in whatever way you want it to be. If it's not, why bother?
It shouldn't be like work; work is like work.

Last few things I posted were: a picture of this silly elephant with uneven eyes I painted, commentary about how blanket forts are more portable than pillow forts and therefore better, something about how NSYNC was never ever attractive and how I had just failed to recognize my own picture because I change it too often.

Low key and conversational- it shouldn't be about impressing or one-upping people on there, these should be people who ALREADY want to engage with you because they appreciate you NOW.

If someone is going to "block" you because you don't call the 80th kitty picture they have posted that hour "the cutest wittle thing ever" due to recently setting a filter on such posts from them... is this a person you actually want to engage with?

Really though, you should do what you want.
Pretty much no matter what you do, in any arena, SOMEONE is going to be unhappy, it shouldn't be you.


Josie

I use it to keep in touch with family, keep up to date on the lives of people I care about but don't feel comfortable contacting by phone/email because we've never had that kind if relationship & also I don't want to make them waste precious time composing messages to me when they could be doing important things.
I also use it to keep informed on things and share things like news and mental health campaigns etcetc
I also use it for nostalgia, when people post old photos they found.
And entertainment, jokes, funny pictures, news about my fave tv shows/actors etc

I got rid of Facebook a while ago, and I've been happy about it. Well, until I realized that having a job that I want will be harder to get/keep and my life will be harder because I'll be even more left out as everything is communicated through a private Facebook page.

I really don't want a Facebook...the thought of getting one again makes me upset. But it makes me even more upset that I'm going to have to get one not to fail at life and the career I want.

Why do you need one for your career and life? Does social life depend on it?

It shouldn't, but with the job I'm at now, they have their own private Facebook page for support, information, and who knows what else...that I don't have access to. I'm also supposed to do "advertising" using social media, meaning since I don't have social media I can't really do my job properly. I'm also a musician...I want to start a band, but it's difficult to when you don't have a lot of social connections (i.e. not using social media). So basically, I'm going to fail at the job I have now and a lot less of a chance of achieving anything that I want to achieve. Everybody in my generation socializes through social media, so because I'm essentially boycotting social media, I'm even more left out than if I were using social media.

I use facebook to feel connected to people I know and to the world. I had to deactivate mine for a couple days due to a group that was trying to attack me and get info on me and people in my life in a public forum, and those 2 days without facebook drove me crazy. I felt irritated because I felt like maybe I was missing out on something. Most of my fb activity is just lurking peoples updates and occasionally communicating people privately. In reality, I'm not missing out on much but I feel like I am whenever I am away from it for more than a day.

You could go on different social media mediums? (that sounds weird..) but! yeah! Like.. I have a Facebook. But I don't really use that anymore because I just don't have the desire to air out my private life in front of everyone. It's mine.
But I go on other social media and remain anonymous and connect with different people there. Like I also have a Twitter that I subscribe to a bunch of psychology feeds there. The only person I have that I know on there is my cousin, her real name is Angela and she's calling herself Yolanda on there. lol. I also really like Tumblr! I only have two friends that I trust a lot know what my tumblr account is and who follow me there. But any of those ways are great ways to get name out about your band or anything!

I basically use facebook to keep up with family.I have 5 brothers and 2 sisters, not really to interesting but they have alot of kids now and don't have the time alot of times so i'll just post once in a while

The problem is, the information I need and the group I need to be in is a private group on Facebook. So, not only do I need a Facebook account, but I would also need to figure out how to get into that specific group.

I don't like the idea of social media at all...I'm not sure why I dislike it so much though. I like forum sites like this, but that's all. I suppose if I ever actually get my band started, I would (or we would as a group) use social media to promote it, but would I ever get a private account? Probably not.