Friends who aren't actually physically there

Do you ever wonder about the validity of instant messaging with your friends who aren't there beside you?

this world is great in that we can take our friendship networks with us wherever we go! However, sometimes I wonder, am I making the right chice by spending time keeping those relationships so strong.. or should I try and focus on building relationships around me more?

(and believe me, I am in no way knocking this forum! This forum is great!.. I'm just trying to figure things out)

I think it's okay. I never liked any real life friends I've had anyway.

If it brings quality of life, for you, then there is a certain value to such friendships. A bit of balance, is a good thing. This day and age, reality is, that many of us maintain quality friendships that span the globe. Whether in person or not.

If you feel good, why not? If it's draining, then by all means, take a valid look at what brings you to maintain such a friendship. Same as you might, with a person, right next to you.

when i post on forums, or any website for that matter, i always get the feeling that does the person i talk too actually want to help, do they actually care?. or do they just say that out of respect

i mean i'm in the UK, and i talk to someone in australia/ california, where ever... and i'm thinking, i'm just a name on a screen... like they are actually gonna check up on what happens- i dunno.... just my views on it

I've got actual friends and I see and talk to them often, but friendships online are different. You can express things to them that you can't tell your real life friends. I think an online friendship (I've had many) can be even more personal and special then a real life one. Many of my outside friendships are just about going out to bars and having a good time, which is great and all but sometimes you just need a deeper connection than that.

I find the exact same thing with people around me. I can have fun with them and everything, but they don't often bring the conversation to a deeper level. It's good to have friends different places that meet your different needs

They are still people - real people - whether by text, by phone, by letter, or in person. If the person is a real friend, then it doesn't bother me that much. I've had a solid friendship with a dude a couple of towns away, who's always lived away, but, over 7 or so years, we've made it work, and it's awesome; we are brothers. Me 'n my brah talk online, use video chats now and again, occasionally the phone, text, and once in a while, we visit or stay at each-other's pads.

Maybe it depends on the people themselves; what they want, or with what they are comfortable. I've got a couple of none-local friends, friendships of which I am happy to maintain. I certainly wouldn't prioritise online over local. Nowadays, it's pretty easy to maintain friendships or even relationships, online - with wonders like video-chat, social gaming, IM, social networking sites, and places like PC, socialising online is easy.

I think there is always going to be a limit with online friendships and relationships, ... I don't know what it is, but it just isn't the same as knowing people "in real life"; whether that's expected social norms, or some basic human desire for physical contact, I don't know.

I agree with that.

Mhm exactly. I had two friends actually who really knew me and could go deeper but one passed away and now I only have one. I feel myself kind of withdrawing from her now though because that level of connection is hard for me since.

Wow. That must be hard. I'm finding it hard to trust people as much as I did my ex-best friend since she knew all about me experiencing depression ... and left me because of it. And another really great group of friends didn't want to hang out any more because it was "emotionally exhausting". So now I'm a lot more careful about what I disclose to people. I'm less open about experiencing depression. I only have told a select few people since. I try to be the one that's always okay now.

I'm definitely the same way on that front. I've gotten weird looks and judgement when I've disclosed anything about my illness so now to most people I'm the weird funny girl who likes to get drunk.

I tend to never bring up mental health stuff unless I know someone a bit better, and have a sense of their reaction. Then again, I don't really bother making new friends, locally, nowadays - I'm kind-of a recluse, and I like it like that, I think; it's safe. Sure, I'll talk to people 'n that, but I have little interest in making a full-on pal. I have issues. ¬_¬

This is all very interesting. I think you are all making good points. I think, mostly, people in general don't want to know all the dirt in our lives. If you can manage to have one person in RL and/or online that you can be completely honest with, that is a blessing.
But the way I look at it, I have lost friends being that human vortex; the black hole that sucks the life from everything and everyone around me.
No one really wants to be that. It is draining for everyone.
So you learn to temper it with discretion, tact, and the common sense to know that most people are not equipped to handle too much of our s.hit because they have their own they are carrying around.

I don't blame anyone but me for my foolishly self-absorbed behavior. And I hope I have learned, that if there is someone I want to be friends with, not to screw it up by being "too much".
I try to be the friend that I want to have. Someone fun, someone interesting, someone with a life that I can share, add to theirs, not just take take take. But that's just me ...

I would have real life friends maybe but everyone I know is an idiot or just a pain in the ***.

regardless of whether friends are around you or at the opposite end of the world they can still turn out to be good friends or bad ones, it depends on the person, not where they are. most let you down in the end anyway, the only difference to me is it is easier to be let down by those I have not met face to face!

Amen, yellowted!

LOL! I'm likely the weird funny girl who likes to smoke weed/chill/get high lol.

That's why I didn't get angry with my friends when they left me. I understood. I was like... Agh. That sucks.. but I get it. I could imagine I'd do the same (I would like to think my character wouldn't let me! But I am flawed).

This was my first experience with it. I have definitely matured and learned valuable life lessons for the next group of friends to come around.