3..2..1.. Self Destruct

Well whats new, Work another hard week from a job which i can barely keep due to paranoia and not being able to sleep or sleeping to much. Spent my whole ****ing pay online Gambling. Sure i have had my good wins but yep no worries Adam just put it all in until u lose it all and have no money to eat to drink to catch the bus to work to do anything just blow it all. Yep Adam sip another beer and hope all this **** goes away. Well it does not say old crap different day. yeah i know what u will say get help with gambling and drinking. I have many times but its part of me that just feels like i need to do it until i either go insane (more so) or kill my self because of the out of misery i have dug my self in to.

My worst trate is S E L F D E S T R U C T I O N

Coming from someone who has battled self destruction...

It sounds like you need to get your mind right and make up your mind before you try to get help for the things that you believe will help you. If you don't believe they will help then they won't. If something is hurting you to the point that you get stuck in a rut of self destruction then you will have to make your mind up that you won't do that anymore. Then, step out and reach for help on the areas where you need it.