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#1
Jul 02, 2014, 01:35 PM
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You turn over in bed too fast and the ergonomic wave knocks the cat on the floor.
That cat looked at me as if I had lost my mind. Last edited by notz; Jul 04, 2014 at 12:51 AM. |
 Fuzzybear, kimby, Nammu
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 AllyIsHopeful, Fresia, H3rmit, hvert, kimby, possum220, SeekerOfLife, tealBumblebee
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#2
Jul 02, 2014, 04:24 PM
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You look like you're 5 months pregnant, but aren't . . . at all
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| AllyIsHopeful, tealBumblebee
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#3
Jul 02, 2014, 04:30 PM
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Tea&Sympathy. Thank you. I peed my pants laughing and, for the first time in weeks, actually felt a moment of happiness.
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| Anonymous100101
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#4
Jul 02, 2014, 04:39 PM
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 thanks for that Tea! ...... When only your sweats fit....or there're the only clothes you own that you can get on!
__________________
Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
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#5
Jul 02, 2014, 05:28 PM
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  Thanks for the smile 
__________________
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| Anonymous100101
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#6
Jul 03, 2014, 06:10 AM
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I agree with looking pregnant. When you looking in the mirror and see your rolls and wonder how that happen.
__________________
I asked God to keep me safe from my enemies, now half my friends are gone. ----------------------------------------------------------------- Bipolar I MDD -------------------------------------------------------------------- Lamictal-100mg Effexor-225mg Trazodone-100mg propranolol 80mg |
| kimby
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#7
Jul 03, 2014, 07:43 AM
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... you need a large shoe horn to help you into you pants.
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#8
Jul 03, 2014, 07:47 PM
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.....your thighs rub together when you walk.
  
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| IchbinkeinTeufel, Nammu
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#9
Jul 03, 2014, 08:04 PM
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You lie down on the bed to zipper your jeans
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| Blue_Bird
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#10
Jul 04, 2014, 07:37 AM
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You walk straight-legged because if you lift you knees your pants get all tight around your thighs, and this causes strain on the crotch region of your pants and then your pants wear out in that area.
Anyone else have this problem? |
| kimby, tealBumblebee
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#11
Jul 04, 2014, 08:50 AM
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When you ask the doctor how much I have to lose and he asks me how far I can count.
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| H3rmit, kimby
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#12
Jul 04, 2014, 03:30 PM
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Y'all are too funny!
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#13
Jul 05, 2014, 04:33 AM
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When you must decide whether to go sideways through a door.
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#14
Jul 05, 2014, 03:54 PM
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when you need to grow more inches in height for the lbs.
__________________
Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
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#15
Jul 05, 2014, 05:38 PM
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When your proportions look great -- in your shadow that is 15 feet long.
__________________
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#16
Jul 05, 2014, 07:03 PM
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... your gut keeps moving even though your feet are not.
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| tealBumblebee, Timgt5
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#17
Jul 06, 2014, 04:11 AM
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when you cannot remember what your feet actually looked like
When your "breasts" are larger than your wife's When your coworkers always pick you to play saint Nick at the Xmas party.. |
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#18
Jul 06, 2014, 06:02 AM
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... you walk by a scale and your shadow weighs fifty pounds.
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#19
Jul 06, 2014, 08:32 AM
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When you have to do a jig or dance or say a prayer to get into to your clothes, you cannot breath once you are in them, or you cannot get into the clothes in your closet at all.
__________________
 I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it. -M.Angelou Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. -Anaïs Nin. It is very rare or almost impossible that an event can be negative from all points of view. -Dalai Lama XIV |
| Nammu
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#20
Jul 06, 2014, 08:38 AM
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Your driver's seat is reclined so far back that you can easily touch the rear window by scratching your ear.
__________________
"Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius |
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#21
Jul 06, 2014, 10:41 AM
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... when you broke the box spring.
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#22
Jul 06, 2014, 10:49 AM
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when you lay down on a beach and Greenpeace comes to drag you back to the sea...
__________________
Glory to heroes!
HATEFREE CULTURE |
| eskielover, Fresia, Nammu, tametc
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#23
Jul 07, 2014, 04:58 AM
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... when your pants seem to be longer than before ... hopefully, you do not feel a draft.
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#24
Jul 07, 2014, 05:24 AM
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you pop the button on your last pair of shorts
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#25
Jul 08, 2014, 06:08 AM
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... when the scale says, "Not you again."
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| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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