I've always wondered if girls, in general, would make a relationship with a shy guy who is quiet and living inside his own shell, or they prefer, in general, outgoing and confident guys who create to themselves a place in every conversation or occasion?

[Lynizle]

Im a very shy girl and tbh I sooo would rather have a relationship with a shy guy..I always say if i were to meet someone i hope they would be shy so we can both understand eachother. lol

Originally Posted by Lynizle

Im a very shy girl and tbh I sooo would rather have a relationship with a shy guy..I always say if i were to meet someone i hope they would be shy so we can both understand eachother. lol

Does this mean that if someone shy approached you and was nervous and anxious (basically he might look like and idiot) you wouldn't mind and you would give a chance like going out with him? Don't shy guys make you feel attracted to them even if they are good looking guys?

[Lynizle]

Originally Posted by SDavid

Does this mean that if someone shy approached you and was nervous and anxious (basically he might look like and idiot) you wouldn't mind and you would give a chance like going out with him? Don't shy guys make you feel attracted to them even if they are good looking guys?

I absoloutly would give him a chance...I would probably look a bit foolish too given how shy I am... & Looks wouldnt matter to me..I often think to myself would a guy like a shy girl like myself?

I actually was asked out by a VERY shy guy working at walmart..he had really bad anxiety..I had a date planned with him but ended up moving. Idk but personally I cant stand really outgoing men..they make me feel uncomfortable

[Webgoji]

Never met a girl in my life that was interested in a guy that was shy and anxious in a social situation. I've met plenty that said they would be (no offense meant Lynizle), but when the rubber meets the road, it's always the confident, outgoing, alpha male type they go for.

[Smileonmyface]

i am a shy person and was always attracted to shy introverted men. my husband isn't as shy and introverted as i am, but i think that is a good thing because he is able to be the extrovert sometimes when i can't.
i think people can complement each other. a very outgoing type of woman may find a shy guy to be refreshing.

[divine1966]

My BF is shy. He isn't inside his shell per se and doesn't look like an idiot lol but he is shy and a bit socially awkward. He also has Tourette's, and OCD. So what. He is awesome. He also isn't particularly good looking and is overweight. Looks are overrated anyways.

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[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Webgoji

Never met a girl in my life that was interested in a guy that was shy and anxious in a social situation. I've met plenty that said they would be (no offense meant Lynizle), but when the rubber meets the road, it's always the confident, outgoing, alpha male type they go for.

Really? Well you said girls. Maybe you are talking about young girls then. Women go for shy men quite often. My daughter married one too. And she is young

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[Lynizle]

Originally Posted by Webgoji

Never met a girl in my life that was interested in a guy that was shy and anxious in a social situation. I've met plenty that said they would be (no offense meant Lynizle), but when the rubber meets the road, it's always the confident, outgoing, alpha male type they go for.

Well, you just met one Lol

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Lynizle

Well, you just met one Lol

And another one, two actually. My BF and my daughters husband are very far from being alpha males

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I hate the concept of alpha male in humans. We as homo sapiens abandoned the hierarchical structure as it is seen in other apes long time ago. We are more a cooperative species. That is why we hate to be ordered to do things

I am not sure if those shy guys made the first move or you did. For me, I would never make the first move. I tried, but I couldn't. I think even if shy guys are more educated, healthier, have better jobs than outgoing guys, still the latter are the ones who have dates and girlfriends and enjoy their lives. That is why I think shy girls have a better chance meeting someone because guys are often the ones who make the first move.

Originally Posted by Webgoji

Never met a girl in my life that was interested in a guy that was shy and anxious in a social situation. I've met plenty that said they would be (no offense meant Lynizle), but when the rubber meets the road, it's always the confident, outgoing, alpha male type they go for.

Wrong- I like shy guys. I am very outgoing and talkative. I am attracted to the opposite.

And a lot of times, I make the first move.

Well I'm sorta shy - no longer a girl and I'm not single but yes sure, I understand shyness/awkwardness and anxiety and wouldn't react negatively, I didn't react negatively when I was a single girl either.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Funnily enough, my shy mate seems to have more luck with the ladies than I, and I'm in healthier shape, more confident, (although he's confident in ways I admire and his blasé attitude is a win with women, I think xD Sometimes I can be too negative and cynical) more outgoing, and a lot more vocal and expressive... but my mental health problems are far more prominent and restrict me more than with him. For example, he can go off to places on the train when he likes, can go see bands whenever he pleases, stuff which is a nightmare for me—I can do things, but not so 'easily' or often.

Personally, I'm finding shyness isn't holding me back (or at least, when I was shy) rather the mental health IS, hands down. Insecurities, fears, anxiety, OCD, etc. Hell, just straight-up having a lack of faith in a relationship and stuff is holding me back, but I guess that's a different subject altogether. ¬_¬

Originally Posted by divine1966

Really? Well you said girls. Maybe you are talking about young girls then. Women go for shy men quite often. My daughter married one too. And she is young

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Interesting. Any theories as to why women often like shy men?

Originally Posted by SDavid

I hate the concept of alpha male in humans. We as homo sapiens abandoned the hierarchical structure as it is seen in other apes long time ago. We are more a cooperative species. That is why we hate to be ordered to do things

I am not sure if those shy guys made the first move or you did. For me, I would never make the first move. I tried, but I couldn't. I think even if shy guys are more educated, healthier, have better jobs than outgoing guys, still the latter are the ones who have dates and girlfriends and enjoy their lives. That is why I think shy girls have a better chance meeting someone because guys are often the ones who make the first move.

The whole alpha male thing is something I've shunned for a long time, but recently came to the ultimate conclusion (albeit my opinion) that it still exists and there's nothing we can really do about it, short of waiting for several bazillion years for us to evolve past it. Honestly, I think it's GOOD. Yep, you read that right. xD The reason? Because it gives people the strength and sometimes social authority to step up where others can't. Perhaps, in a funny sort of way, it's the whole 'alpha' thing that is the reason for my having support from the government and live in supported housing. I'm sure there's a similar thingy for women, too. (although I imagine that's mainly based on looks; sexual attractiveness in order to reproduce and create offspring... to look at it logically. hah)

I'd always thought of myself as a beta, or whatever you call a non-alpha, but had an event recently that made me realise I was raised an alpha and, even despite my problems that make me sometimes seem a beta, I'm just undeniably like my dad, and he's about as alpha as you can get. (in a non arsehole sort of way lol)

I think I should add that I feel there are two types of alphas: rude, disrespectful, generally unpleasant alphas (so basically, the regular kind of unpleasant people, regardless of gender, age, or ethnicity) and then there's just the alpha males. I'm quite curious to know how people here see alpha males.. like... how would you, personally, define an alpha?

Sorry, one more bit as a follow up from why I think it's good to have this alpha and beta thing: I live with a beta, clearly. Most likely due to his problems, but for whatever reason, he's not that vocal, and seems to look to me when there's an issue with, say, the neighbours. Sure, I struggle as well, but due to how I was raised (perhaps that's got quite a bit to do with it?) I'm sometimes able to speak up when he can't, same for my best bud, the guy I mentioned earlier on this post. To be fair, there'd be things I wouldn't be able to speak up about, and some other person might be able to step in where I can't... so perhaps we are all aphas to someone? IDK! hah

[lizardlady]

Originally Posted by Webgoji

Never met a girl in my life that was interested in a guy that was shy and anxious in a social situation. I've met plenty that said they would be (no offense meant Lynizle), but when the rubber meets the road, it's always the confident, outgoing, alpha male type they go for.

Not me Webgoji. Alpha type guys are a turn off to me.

[ToffeeBomb]

I prefer guys who are introverted over guys who are really loud and confident. I have found when you talk to shy guys they are far more interesting as people and nicer in general. I am shy myself and always fear that nobody would like me because I'm quiet so I always talk to the quiet guy in the group because he probably feels the same as me.

Originally Posted by Zwangsstörung

Funnily enough, my shy mate seems to have more luck with the ladies than I, and I'm in healthier shape, more confident, (although he's confident in ways I admire and his blasé attitude is a win with women, I think xD Sometimes I can be too negative and cynical) more outgoing, and a lot more vocal and expressive... but my mental health problems are far more prominent and restrict me more than with him. For example, he can go off to places on the train when he likes, can go see bands whenever he pleases, stuff which is a nightmare for me—I can do things, but not so 'easily' or often.

Personally, I'm finding shyness isn't holding me back (or at least, when I was shy) rather the mental health IS, hands down. Insecurities, fears, anxiety, OCD, etc. Hell, just straight-up having a lack of faith in a relationship and stuff is holding me back, but I guess that's a different subject altogether. ¬_¬


Interesting. Any theories as to why women often like shy men?


The whole alpha male thing is something I've shunned for a long time, but recently came to the ultimate conclusion (albeit my opinion) that it still exists and there's nothing we can really do about it, short of waiting for several bazillion years for us to evolve past it. Honestly, I think it's GOOD. Yep, you read that right. xD The reason? Because it gives people the strength and sometimes social authority to step up where others can't. Perhaps, in a funny sort of way, it's the whole 'alpha' thing that is the reason for my having support from the government and live in supported housing. I'm sure there's a similar thingy for women, too. (although I imagine that's mainly based on looks; sexual attractiveness in order to reproduce and create offspring... to look at it logically. hah)

I'd always thought of myself as a beta, or whatever you call a non-alpha, but had an event recently that made me realise I was raised an alpha and, even despite my problems that make me sometimes seem a beta, I'm just undeniably like my dad, and he's about as alpha as you can get. (in a non arsehole sort of way lol)

I think I should add that I feel there are two types of alphas: rude, disrespectful, generally unpleasant alphas (so basically, the regular kind of unpleasant people, regardless of gender, age, or ethnicity) and then there's just the alpha males. I'm quite curious to know how people here see alpha males.. like... how would you, personally, define an alpha?

Sorry, one more bit as a follow up from why I think it's good to have this alpha and beta thing: I live with a beta, clearly. Most likely due to his problems, but for whatever reason, he's not that vocal, and seems to look to me when there's an issue with, say, the neighbours. Sure, I struggle as well, but due to how I was raised (perhaps that's got quite a bit to do with it?) I'm sometimes able to speak up when he can't, same for my best bud, the guy I mentioned earlier on this post. To be fair, there'd be things I wouldn't be able to speak up about, and some other person might be able to step in where I can't... so perhaps we are all aphas to someone? IDK! hah

Alpha males in Chimps for example get the lion share of foods and mates with all females, while other males don't. This is the alpha male type definition for me. That is why I don't like it. I think the nearest to alpha males in humans are dictators. Because they lead without others' consent, take most of the wealth and any woman they desire to themselves.

A general question: do the girls who said they like shy guys classify themselves as shy? If not, why they like shy guys?

[Chocopiano27]

I am an outgoing girl (who was once very VERY shy), but even until now i am often socially awkward.
I don't wish to have that "guy who is everybody's friend" type, cuz i don't really trust them. but i do wish he has his extroverted side. if we're both introverted and shy i don't think we can grow. at least being with an extroverted guy gives me a challenge to push myself from my comfort zone, i don't want to be shy for the rest of my life.
I once met a guy who was really extroverted, and he changed me i became even more self confident and i think it was best for me.

i don't expect all guys to be like that but at least even a shy guy needs to have self confidence to attract girls.

OK, just to make the discussion more general : what are the 5 most favorable traits to girls in guys? (Confidence, education, money, appearance, ... etc)

[pbutton]

My 5 most important traits in no particular order : sense of humor, kindness, open-mindedness, intelligence, & honesty.