[DeterminedSlacker]

I don't really know where to post this so I'm putting it here.

Today I was doing some shopping when I saw a little girl who looked lost and scared on her own in the store, she must've been 4 or 5 years old. I debated with myself in my head if I should ask if she was okay, knowing that if I did I risked looking like a creep or pedophile simply for talking to her. I kept walking down the aisle and getting what I needed when I looked back at her again and she looked like she was on the brink of crying, so I decided stigma be damned, I'll see if she's ok.

I asked her where her parents were and she said she didn't know, it is a pretty big supermarket so I told her let's go find them. I started walking with her to the cash registers so we could ask the cashier to call out for her parents over the stores speakers. She grabbed my hand as we were walking which made me uncomfortable but I didn't want to push her away because she was seeking comfort. By the time we got to the end of the aisle her mother, somewhat frantic, came running up behind us and grabbed her daughter. She asked me what I was doing with her daughter and I said "She was alone and looked like she needed help, I was bringing her up to the cashier to help her find you". The look on this woman's face said it all "why are you touching my daughter, what is your intent, creep". She didn't thank me, she didn't try to excuse her negligence, she just grabbed her daughter and walked away.

I understand why people have a prejudice against men with children, we've all heard the stories, but I felt like a creep even though my intentions were nothing but compassionate. I saw a kid who looked like she was in trouble so I tried to help and my thanks was a dirty look and an unspoken jab at my intentions.

Anyway, it made me mad and feel like I had done something wrong even though I knew I didn't. I feel like if a woman had done the same thing I did the reaction would've been very different. Just made me upset because what I felt was a good deed was turned into something that made me feel guilty and wrong for doing it.

[Skeezyks]

Thanks for your post, DeterminedSlacker. You were very brave to do what you did. I would not have been so. I avoid anyone & everyone who could in any way be perceived as vulnerable. From my perspective, the risk is just not worth it. But kudos to you for your effort. I'm sorry it was turned back against you...

[Phreak]

I totally understand that. It's stupid though, it's not just men that abduct and abuse children.

The reality is a child is far more likely to be abused by somebody known to the family.

Being a guy I've hesitated before helping a child too

You very likely could have gotten the same reaction if you were female. More people than not are very touchy about this kind of thing nowadays. It would be better to alert someone in the store immediately instead.

I almost had a collision coming around a corner a couple of weeks ago with a child being pushed in a baby stroller. I made the comment to the young man pushing the stroller who I assumed was her dad that she had very pretty hair (it was all curly ringlets). His response was "No offense, ma'am, but her mama doesn't like people staring at her."

I wanted to say "Well, that is offensive! What the h*** is your problem?" The only reason I noticed the child in the first place was his bad stroller driving.

I'm in my 50s, female, and look like someone's grandma. Sheesh.

It's definitely worse for men, though - I can't argue with that. I've heard nightmare stories from men who have taken their son and the son's friend out for an activity and end up getting suspicious looks when the friend has a meltdown.

Just because of this, I'd rather grab my phone and call 911 and let the parents deal with the police or security instead of using a Good Samaritan as an emotional scapegoat for their stupidity.

[SilverNeurotic]

It's terrible that a few bad eggs ruin things for truly good, well intentioned people.

I think thar the best thing to do in that situation would have been to find a store employee to help, just so there were no misunderstandings.

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[DeterminedSlacker]

Thanks everyone, this just really rubbed me the wrong way and kinda ruined my day. It took a lot of nerve for me to decide to help her and to get that reaction just really took the wind out of my sails. I guess in the future I'll do what most of you suggested, get a store employee or the police, I just thought maybe a good deed would be recognized as such. I should have known better.

Originally Posted by DeterminedSlacker

Thanks everyone, this just really rubbed me the wrong way and kinda ruined my day. It took a lot of nerve for me to decide to help her and to get that reaction just really took the wind out of my sails. I guess in the future I'll do what most of you suggested, get a store employee or the police, I just thought maybe a good deed would be recognized as such. I should have known better.

You should be commended and we thank you. I would do the same, actually. I also got a few others that are vocal, passive aggressive, vindictive, and judicious that aren't afraid of setting things right. Sometimes we really can put our foot in it! We're good at giving everyone their true due. Lucky her it wasn't me there.

As a woman I've also had people creep out when I've tried to help in situations that obviously warranted my doing so. I had a woman start pumching me because I discovered her child alone (in a locked car) and had called 911.

[DeterminedSlacker]

Originally Posted by rcat

As a woman I've also had people creep out when I've tried to help in situations that obviously warranted my doing so. I had a woman start pumching me because I discovered her child alone (in a locked car) and had called 911.

Sorry I didn't mean to insinuate that it never happens to women either, I just feel as a man there's extra scrutiny towards us when children are involved. And Jo, that's just ridiculous that he reacted that way, what a jerk.

I love kids, but I've gotten funny looks from mothers even when I just smile when their baby smiles at me. I guess being 6'1 with a beard doesn't help though.

[*Laurie*]

DeterminedSlacker, you absolutely did the right thing! BIG kudos to you for stopping to help that little girl. I don't like the word "shame" but I'm going to use it in this context: Shame, shame on that stupid woman for her lack of gratitude toward you. What a pity for that child to have such a mother. And here's my guess: I'd place bets that the woman was defensive about her child because she was embarrassed about not keeping a proper eye on her, and losing her in the store.

Don't feel bad for a moment - you were that little girl's hero today.

[DeterminedSlacker]

Originally Posted by LauraBeth

DeterminedSlacker, you absolutely did the right thing! BIG kudos to you for stopping to help that little girl. I don't like the word "shame" but I'm going to use it in this context: Shame, shame on that stupid woman for her lack of gratitude toward you. What a pity for that child to have such a mother. And here's my guess: I'd place bets that the woman was defensive about her child because she was embarrassed about not keeping a proper eye on her, and losing her in the store.

Don't feel bad for a moment - you were that little girl's hero today.

That made me feel a lot better, thanks

One way around the problem in the store is to find another customer (or two) and ask them to watch the child while you go to the front of the store and tell an employee (or wherever you find an employee.)

If you get other people involved, that's generally better than taking on the responsibility alone.

I don't know if people have seen too many CSI child abduction episodes or if they are just ruder than they used to be or what.

I hope that sometimes people's suspicion actually helps people.

[lizardlady]

DeterminedSlaker, thank you for having the caring and courage to help a small child in distress. It's a sad commentary that we've reached a point that a kindness is treated like Creep City.

I will say it's not limited to men though. Years ago some friends and I were at a major theme park. A small boy - looked to be about 3 - was wailing his head off standing by himself. Everyone was just walking around him. I'm ashamed to say that my friends just walked on by. I stopped to see if I could help him. He was crying too hard to talk, but made it clear he was lost. I ended up scooping him up and went in search of a park worker. I got plenty of evil looks from people. I was scared that someone would accuse me of trying to kidnap him, but there was no way I was leaving a small, terrified child there on his own. Luckily we found a park worker fairly quickly. I told them that the little boy's mother had gotten lost. (That's what the kid was able to tell me.) They got on the PA and found his family.

I can understand the fear of the mother of the little girl you found. Who is this big hairy guy and what is he doing with my child?!?!? BUT once she knew that you were trying to help, shame on her for not thanking you.

[2inchtallman]

The part that "touched me" about your story was how - even with the risk of someone else's perception - you placed the "need of the child" above your own, and allowed the little girl to "hold your hand." "THANK YOU!!" I hope you know that, even though the mother didn't offer the thanks that you deserved - kindred spirits on here are saying "Thank You" for not just lending your hand, but more importantly - your Heart!

My mom is obsessed with kids,Mao everywhere she goes she coos and them and the parents don't seem to care

I always feel weird when my mom does it, I personally wouldn't coo at a child I didn't know

I feel if my mom were a man it would be a very different story

It sucks that there's a stigma around men and children

I work with kids and I've noticed they don't hire men for toddler or infant rooms. Only preschool and the men are never present during swim time when the kids change clothes in the classroom I know this is because parents probably freak out thinking if a man they didn't know changed their child's diaper or something they'd creep on the child or whatever

I think it's stupid but I understand the concern

Still if I had a baby in daycare I would care if a man changed their diaper

[Pierro]

Society has changed so much, that when a decent person tries to do the decent thing they are slated for it which is very sad. It makes the person feel like they violated the child, when they were only trying to do the decent thing. The best thing is to find the store deceive/security. That's not to say they would be safe with them, you see as a mother I can understand that we just want to protect our kids.I have had to live beside a convicted paedophile for many years and he was a nasty piece of work. I see both sides of the fence, and I do empathise with both sides

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[DeterminedSlacker]

You've all cheered me up a lot and changed my perspective on the days events. I appreciate the honesty as well about people having a personal apprehension about men with children, it's unfortunate we all get tarred with the same brush but I'm sure if I ever have kids I'll be just as cautious.

[ChipperMonkey]

Originally Posted by Kori Anders

My mom is obsessed with kids,Mao everywhere she goes she coos and them and the parents don't seem to care

I always feel weird when my mom does it, I personally wouldn't coo at a child I didn't know

I feel if my mom were a man it would be a very different story

It sucks that there's a stigma around men and children

I work with kids and I've noticed they don't hire men for toddler or infant rooms. Only preschool and the men are never present during swim time when the kids change clothes in the classroom I know this is because parents probably freak out thinking if a man they didn't know changed their child's diaper or something they'd creep on the child or whatever

I think it's stupid but I understand the concern

Still if I had a baby in daycare I would care if a man changed their diaper

Society is effing stupid in that regard. Yeah, women are the nurturers who would never hurt a child! So says a person molested by her female daycare provider. Pisses me off to high hell. I don't trust females worth a lick but I do trust men. My fear is emotional. I can't even imagine the fear that many women have for men, being that it's physical.

Originally Posted by DeterminedSlacker

I don't really know where to post this so I'm putting it here.

Today I was doing some shopping when I saw a little girl who looked lost and scared on her own in the store, she must've been 4 or 5 years old. I debated with myself in my head if I should ask if she was okay, knowing that if I did I risked looking like a creep or pedophile simply for talking to her. I kept walking down the aisle and getting what I needed when I looked back at her again and she looked like she was on the brink of crying, so I decided stigma be damned, I'll see if she's ok.

I asked her where her parents were and she said she didn't know, it is a pretty big supermarket so I told her let's go find them. I started walking with her to the cash registers so we could ask the cashier to call out for her parents over the stores speakers. She grabbed my hand as we were walking which made me uncomfortable but I didn't want to push her away because she was seeking comfort. By the time we got to the end of the aisle her mother, somewhat frantic, came running up behind us and grabbed her daughter. She asked me what I was doing with her daughter and I said "She was alone and looked like she needed help, I was bringing her up to the cashier to help her find you". The look on this woman's face said it all "why are you touching my daughter, what is your intent, creep". She didn't thank me, she didn't try to excuse her negligence, she just grabbed her daughter and walked away.

I understand why people have a prejudice against men with children, we've all heard the stories, but I felt like a creep even though my intentions were nothing but compassionate. I saw a kid who looked like she was in trouble so I tried to help and my thanks was a dirty look and an unspoken jab at my intentions.

Anyway, it made me mad and feel like I had done something wrong even though I knew I didn't. I feel like if a woman had done the same thing I did the reaction would've been very different. Just made me upset because what I felt was a good deed was turned into something that made me feel guilty and wrong for doing it.

........

Originally Posted by Kori Anders

My mom is obsessed with kids,Mao everywhere she goes she coos and them and the parents don't seem to care

I always feel weird when my mom does it, I personally wouldn't coo at a child I didn't know

I feel if my mom were a man it would be a very different story

It sucks that there's a stigma around men and children

I work with kids and I've noticed they don't hire men for toddler or infant rooms. Only preschool and the men are never present during swim time when the kids change clothes in the classroom I know this is because parents probably freak out thinking if a man they didn't know changed their child's diaper or something they'd creep on the child or whatever

I think it's stupid but I understand the concern

Still if I had a baby in daycare I would care if a man changed their diaper

I made a typo,
I meant to say I wouldn't care if a man changed my child's diaper

[eskielover]

I know if it had been me I would have been very kind with my response if she had thanked me but the way she reacted to you, I very likely would have gotten all over her case for letting the child out of her sight & putting it is a position where something bad could have happened....definitely the blame would have been dumped on her for leaving her child in a position like that.

Interesting because when someone responds with kindness & thanks, I can be very kind & nice in return.....but you want to attack like that mother did, I can very easily respond by turning the attack right back at them especially for leaving the child that young in a place where it could have been dangerous.

You did a very good deed & it's important for people to take action like that to make sure a child is protected. You can't very well leave the child there & go look for a store worker because taking your eye off the child still leaves it in a dangerous place.

I am forever taking risks that can sometimes put me in dangerous positions after thinking through the situation because I know it's the right thing to do.....I commend you for taking the action after thinking it through also. I always say I would rather take the action & know that what I'm doing it right than to ignore the situation & find out after the fact that something horrible has happened. Some people react negatively no matter what you do....they would complain if someone didn't take action when they could have then turn around & attack someone who does.

These days, it's so difficult because there is so much going on where kids are taken & parents are protective even when they are the ones stupid enough to leave the kid in a dangerous position. When the gut feeling says to take action, it's important to take that action.

[StarGazingFish]

Originally Posted by Kori Anders

I made a typo,
I meant to say I wouldn't care if a man changed my child's diaper

its the same thing in adult hood-the same old stereotype of men.
i am 31 and technicaly still female in body not having had any operations yet[ftm transgender] ,i am incontinent and have to wear adult nappies/diapers,they wont let male support staff change me,i dont care but thats the companies policy,they let females support males for personal care though.

[Marla500]

It's a shame to be treated like that when you're just trying do the right thing. I am a grandmother and once had to stop a very young toddler from going out the front door of a pizza place because no one was watching her. Her father had the nerve to give me a dirty look!!!! Next time I'm just going to yell who's kid is this and why aren't you watching her????'

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by DeterminedSlacker

Sorry I didn't mean to insinuate that it never happens to women either, I just feel as a man there's extra scrutiny towards us when children are involved. And Jo, that's just ridiculous that he reacted that way, what a jerk.

I love kids, but I've gotten funny looks from mothers even when I just smile when their baby smiles at me. I guess being 6'1 with a beard doesn't help though.

Consider it might not have had anything to do with you. Simply instinct at work.

I had a child who was uncommonly pretty and garnered attention wherever I went. I remember standing in line at a bakery and a man next to me was staring at my baby. I must have instinctively frowned at the man. He said he was sorry for staring but he couldn't get over how pretty my baby was. I really didn't have any thoughts about this man's intentions. I just didn't like all the heavy attention on a baby who was...just a baby, after all. Your instinct was correct. The mother's instinct was correct. Nobody was wrong. I hope you feel okay because it was all okay even if the outcome didn't have a nice afterglow. Most important of all is this ...the kid was safeguarded. Parents really should not let their kids out of sight in crowded stores. Pretty scary for the kid, really.