[guilloche]

Yikes.

Have you ever heard a noise outside, peeked out the window, and found people arguing?

I wasn't sure what was happening at first (my distance vision is not good, and it's dark!). There was a car pulled up right in front of my car (ie parallel parking but we were the only 2 cars there), with the headlights shining on my car, and somebody standing outside the car, making lots of arm movements and talking loudly (but not loud enough for me to make out words.) The gestures were pretty animated.

At first, I was scared that they maybe had bumped into my car. So I watched and tried to see if my car looked crunched at all.

But, then the guy got out, put his arms up really high.. and threw something (a phone?) on the ground. Really, really hard. For a second, I freaked... because I thought he might hit her (and yes, I was ready to call 911).

Then he got back in the car, and drove away. I watched to see if she was OK (I was going to go out and see if she needed help, or needed me to call the police), but she just walked away.

I wonder if she lives in my community (condos/townhouses).

I'm a little freaked out by this. My body is a little shaky from the adrenalin. I kind of wish I could move someplace nicer, maybe with a gate. Ughhghg.

[1976kitchenfloor]

hello. that does sound scary. a person enver really knows how far things might blow out of control. bottom line is you stay in and protect yourself and call the police if needed. sorry to ehar this upsets you because it happened in your own neighborhood. seems like patience is in short supply now adays.

[healingme4me]

I'm sorry to hear that a couple's argument scared the begeezuz out of you and left you considering moving. Couple's arguing knows no bounds, all walks of life experience it.

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[IchbinkeinTeufel]

"Then he got back in the car, and drove away. I watched to see if she was OK (I was going to go out and see if she needed help, or needed me to call the police), but she just walked away." - why the assumption that he's the issue here? Maybe she cheated on him or did some other kinda messed up thing? She may well have had it coming. lol

But yeah, I've seen plenty of arguments and weird stuff outside my window. The weirdest one was over where I am now. A while ago, about 3 in the morning, I heard a loud screech and then crash right outside my bedroom window. Seconds later, I heard a siren and saw flashing lights. It was dark, but the lights helped to see that, once I got a look through the window, there seemed to have been a chase on the go. There was a big van into which a copper chucked one guy. After that, the guy in the van started throwing himself around and screaming all sorts of crazy crap. Meanwhile, a cop was questioning someone else who was in the car. There was also a cop car that I think showed up a few moments later, or perhaps the car was first and van second; I can't remember. It was a fun, albeit long night.

Over here too, I've overheard a couple arguing right outside the window again and I remember hearing her scream at the guy "give me my f***ing drugs!" or something that effect. Mostly quiet here, but sometimes there are some weird happenings.

As for when I lived with my dad in a flat some billions of years ago, I remember my dad telling me a couple were sneaking around stark naked, giggling like kids. xD Thought it was funny, albeit inappropriate.

I've BEEN the person myself several times in the past. I'm not proud of it, but I've kicked, hit, and shouted things, sober and drunk. Had a lotta issues back then and none of the experience and I guess you could say education I now have. I'm usually a very quiet, respectful, hopefully-decent person, but we all have our limits.

[winter4me]

There was a lot of this in the neighborhood I grew up in---as a kid, I remember looking out the window early one morning to see a parent (George) chasing his very young (under 10 for sure...) son with a two by four---George finally went away when he broke all the windows in the house with his family inside...(George was a police officer...)
Some Sundays, parents would fight in the street, it would begin with "your kid...." vs "no, YOUR KID...."---sometimes someone would turn a garden hose on the fight
My parents did not participate in this (nor our neighbors to left or right--a few others) but it was "normal" for the street...
Years later, I had really forgotten this....or, when I thought about it it didn't arouse much emotion, a laugh at the absurdity...
Then, I was in a friend's apartment when I heard the fight across the street--He had come home in the AM, She was waiting up, the screaming began, ....took a typical course of rising accusations and slamming doors----I felt very disturbed and shaken.
And then realized that is was something I was once inured to---and began to wonder what effect this must have had on me when I was young
I had previously thought only of my friends/&other kids who had to live in those houses....now, I realize it affected us all. (and I think my parents failure to talk about this, or anything else unpleasant, added to the damage...)
I have since witnessed a few street fights etc. ---- sorry, just a ramble after all
oh, and the feeling of panic when another neighbor (Mrs. Gooden) accused me of slashing a car tire, as I happened to be walking by when she discovered this---her screaming at me as I hurried home, wondering if my parents could Acutally Believe I would do such a crazy thing....

[guilloche]

Thanks everyone. It was scary! I live right on a main road, so I have no way of knowing if these are people who live in this community, or who just found a convenient place to pull over and yell at each other.

Zwangsstörung, you asked "why the assumption that he's the issue here? Maybe she cheated on him or did some other kinda messed up thing?"

You're right that she could have started the argument. But, I couldn't ask if he was OK, because he drove away. And, he was the one that I saw get out of the car, and throw the phone at the ground. It looked like he was about to beat the crap out of her (and even if she cheated on him, nobody deserves to be hit). And, he left her there, with no other car/ride in sight, and drove off really fast (like squealing tires fast!). I don't know if she lives in the community, or if he just dumped her here. Or if her phone was damaged from being thrown. Also, as a single female, I'm not comfortable approaching a possibly angry man to see if he needs help - there's too much risk there for me. But, a woman who may have been kicked out of the car, when the car has left, and who may not have a working phone? Yeah, I'm OK asking if she needs me to call someone for her, or if she's stranded.

So, while she may have been at fault, I don't think it's unreasonable to assume that she might need some sort of help at that point. It was dark, it's a busy area, and I didn't know if she was close to home or just left in some random neighborhood.

And, wow... you do have some crazy stuff going on by you! I think that hearing people fighting about drugs would have definitely gotten a call to the police from me! Yikes.

Winter4me... Wow. That's a lot to have had to grow up with. It seems like it made you sort of... immune to it? Like, you're used to it, so you don't get too bothered? Is that right? For me... there was some violence in my house growing up, and I think that's made me really sensitive to stuff like this. I go into "fight or flight" (really just "flight" though) easily. It sucks to realize that I'm absolutely safe (ie these people don't know who I am and can't see me, I'm in the house with the doors locked) but that my body reacts with tons of stress chemicals, to the point of feeling like I'm shaking. Ugh.

Oh, and I totally agree that your parents not talking about any of this has an effect. Mine are like that too. My mom seems incapable of acknowledging anything negative to this day. It feels really crazy-making and surreal sometimes!

I really just wish my little community wasn't RIGHT on a main road. People use us to turn around all the time, and I wouldn't care at all, except... we have separate driveways for coming in and leaving the community. These people all seem to want to come in, turn around, and go right back out through the (clearly marked, one-way only) entryway. It's dangerous and annoying. And, of course... stuff like this makes me crazy. I don't know, it's possible the woman lives here, but it looks like they just found a convenient place to stop and have an argument.

Really, it's silly... but I need to replace my windows. They're like 50 years old and single pane glass, and I hear *everything* through them. I think when I can get some better, thicker windows, it will help cut down on me noticing stuff like this!

Keep in mind that domestic disputes happen in 'safer' communities and neighbourhoods too.

[*Laurie*]

It is very unnerving to witness such an argument. I'm sorry that you did.

[guilloche]

Thanks LauraBeth and Rcat.

Rcat - Yup, you're right. I guess I was imagining a neighborhood with a gate, so that random people couldn't just pop in. Or better, my own actual house... I'm in a townhouse, but it's part of a condo community. There are some great advantages, but gosh, it would be nice to have my own separate house with no shared walls... and maybe even a garage!

Oh gosh a gate would in fact be nice, wouldn't it.

I myself get really scared when I hear people argue like that. It triggers my PTSD and feel I myself am threatened.

Are you in a position to move?

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Oh jeez. This reminds me of a few months ago when my brother and our mutual friend were over. She has BP and is unmedicated so she flies off the handle pretty easily. She gets paranoid and delusional. She accused my brother of liking her as more than a friend and got mad. We both tried to calm her down for what seemed like hours! And her kid was over so I was very uncomfortable about what was going on. I told them to leave and they spent like an hr in my parking lot arguing. And yes I almost called the cops on them! She was out of hand and impossible to console. She just would not drop it or calm down. I know my bro should of ignored her and let her cool down but he just wouldn't. I I live in a complex that is very quiet and mostly a retirement area. So it was embarrassing and I was worried about the neighbors. I used to live in a rather ghetto area and at 3am there was a person outside the apartments yelling up to my neighbors window begging for some "stuff man!!!" Jeez could only imagine what that was right? Sick.

Sorry you had to witness that! A fight between a couple can get very heated quickly. No telling what actions or words would fly out next.

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[Inspirational Girl]

I am scared of heated arguments when I see other people arguing loudly.

[guilloche]

Rcat - yeah, a gate would be wonderful! We had actually talked about it a bit, but our management company recommended against it. He said that the communities he manages with gates spend a lot of money on them (they break a lot) and that it's not worth it.

re: Your PTSD... I think that's how I feel too. I can completely feel all the stress chemicals (hormones?) amping up, and really just want to run and hide somewhere. It's hard.

I don't think I can move. I've thought about it, but everything around here is really expensive, and my little townhouse is nearly paid off. And, I'm not sure if I want to stay in this state. Actually, I don't really want to stay in the state, but at this point, I don't have the energy/motivation to really look for a job out of state, interview, and move. I don't have much of a support network, but the little bit I have is *here* and moving seems overwhelming. So, I'm stuck here for a bit.

Thanks for all your thoughts!

RxQueen875 - Yikes. Your friend sounds really hard to have around. I'm glad you were able to get her to leave! And the guy begging for "some stuff" - omg. That does not sound like a good situation! Glad you moved! People are crazy... you'd think they'd have the sense to behave better in public, but apparently, nope.

Inspirational Girl - me too!