Facebook is Freaking me Out

DechanDawa · Feb 12, 2016, 02:08 AM

I have just started to look for people on Facebook. I looked up a childhood friend, and found that his brother posted a picture of him - and he has died! I didn't know and it shocked me and I can't seem to take it in that he is gone. Our families were very close, and I spent my childhood in the company of this person. I am also angry none of the people in my hometown told me, because surely they must have heard about it. The picture of him was as a young man. It just pierced my heart to see the photo. A terrible way to find out about someone's passing. I don't know if he was sick, or in an accident. I sent a message to his brother but didn't hear back.

Also, I looked up old flame who I never really got over...he married late, has a bunch of kids now, and a very successful career wife 20 years younger than he is, and she has just published her first book. On top of her career and having all this guy's kids. His life looks perfect on Facebook, while my life feels in a shambles. But as he was a very dramatic man who was also very narcissistic, I am sure his life could be filled with drama. So it may not be as perfect a life as it looks...but it sure looks perfect. Going on Facebook has been depressing.

Artchic528 · Feb 12, 2016, 02:32 AM

Really? I just looked up a guy I had a crush on in elementary school and he seems happy with a wife and three kids. I couldn't help but smile and giggle at his pictures. Maybe I came to a sense of just being happy for those who influenced me in life.

DechanDawa · Feb 12, 2016, 02:41 AM

Well, someone you had a crush on in grade school doesn't really compare to a serious relationship, does it?

The point is I didn't post this to be judged.

DechanDawa · Feb 12, 2016, 02:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Artchic528

Really? I just looked up a guy I had a crush on in elementary school and he seems happy with a wife and three kids. I couldn't help but smile and giggle at his pictures. Maybe I came to a sense of just being happy for those who influenced me in life.

All smiles and giggles, nice for you but your situation was not the same as mine at all. My reply follows.

Artchic528 · Feb 12, 2016, 02:43 AM

I'm sorry if I came across as judging. It really wasn't my intention. I am sorry you are feeling so bummed out and depressed.

DechanDawa · Feb 12, 2016, 02:47 AM

I think the point is that going on FB when feeling depressed about one's life may not be a good idea. Also, it is really irritating when someone comes up behind you on a thread and makes a post that seems critical of you, and how you are feeling. PC is supposed to be a safe place for talking about feelings, I thought. I wish I had not posted this now.

Artchic528 · Feb 12, 2016, 02:48 AM

I'm sorry I came across as critical as well. It really wasn't my intention. Please feel better soon.

Also, I believe this exact situation is why I can't have any friends. I seem overly critical and judgmental all the time when I'm really just being impulsive and not thinking before opening my big fat mouth.

Feb 12, 2016, 02:49 AM

Somethings are better if kept unknown. I sometimes agree with "ignorance is a bliss" in a way.

DechanDawa · Feb 12, 2016, 02:52 AM

Long story. I knew this guy for 20 years and he was partially responsible for busting up my marriage. When I was finally free and he was finally free I thought we might get together. But he was a player, dating younger woman. So it is really a long story. I am going to stay off Facebook. I was into this guy way more than he was me and I kind of felt like I was stalking him on FB. Of course I am happy for him except he wasn't that nice to me.

DechanDawa · Feb 12, 2016, 02:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Artchic528

I'm sorry I came across as critical as well. It really wasn't my intention. Please feel better soon.

Also, I believe this exact situation is why I can't have any friends. I seem overly critical and judgmental all the time when I'm really just being impulsive and not thinking before opening my big fat mouth.

No, don't go there. I am being overly-sensitive. I also have a big mouth but have been trying to "fix it" for friendships in the future, so I know exactly what you are talking about. I am obviously feeling very oversensitive right now.

Artchic528 · Feb 12, 2016, 02:55 AM

Dechan, you might garner some benefit from this article I found on Psychology Today. Or rather, the link was shared to me by another member. It's about learning to let go of the past hurts and to move on with your life in a healthy and positive manner.

Learning to Let Go of Past Hurts: 5 Ways to Move On | World of Psychology

Holding onto the pain doesn't do you any good, it only hurts you further. I followed these steps and boy howdy did I find a sense of peace. It felt like I finally got closure from that painful chapter in my life, and now I can finally move onto the next exciting one. I hope it helps you as much as it helped me.

DechanDawa · Feb 12, 2016, 02:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nickname

Somethings are better if kept unknown. I sometimes agree with "ignorance is a bliss" in a way.

Yes, that is it exactly. I don't really want to know who in my past has died. In that sense about my childhood friend ignorance was really bliss, unless I lived near him and could have spent time with him if he was sick. But I still don't know. We aren't that old. He could have died in a plane crash, or been murdered in a robbery.

Artchic528 · Feb 12, 2016, 03:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DechanDawa

Yes, that is it exactly. I don't really want to know who in my past has died. In that sense about my childhood friend ignorance was really bliss, unless I lived near him and could have spent time with him if he was sick. But I still don't know. We aren't that old. He could have died in a plane crash, or been murdered in a robbery.

I can understand that. It's why I rarely do searches on facebook.

Feb 12, 2016, 03:00 AM

Life is full of tragedy and drama. Sad, but true.

DechanDawa · Feb 12, 2016, 03:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Artchic528

Dechan, you might garner some benefit from this article I found on Psychology Today. Or rather, the link was shared to me by another member. It's about learning to let go of the past hurts and to move on with your life in a healthy and positive manner.

Learning to Let Go of Past Hurts: 5 Ways to Move On | World of Psychology

Holding onto the pain doesn't do you any good, it only hurts you further. I followed these steps and boy howdy did I find a sense of peace. It felt like I finally got closure from that painful chapter in my life, and now I can finally move onto the next exciting one. I hope it helps you as much as it helped me.

Oh yeah, I just read this. Thanks. It was a really good article. You are right. I was thinking today about...where are the nice men? Because I would like to meet nice men and have set that as a goal. I deserve to be happy, too. Now you are cooking, see! I think you would make a good friend because you were very responsive to my feedback. I am in a pretty lonely place right now...but I am looking to the future.

Artchic528 · Feb 12, 2016, 03:04 AM

I am learning, slowly but surely.

I'm at a place where I'm embracing being single. Meeting a nice man would be nice, but it's nowhere near my top priority. Besides, you always find something great when you're not looking for it, so maybe good things will come my way? Either way, I'm not the desperate searching soul I was last year. I'm more....in tune with my life as a single person, and know that I'm not ready for a huge commitment of a relationship quite yet.

DechanDawa · Feb 12, 2016, 03:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nickname

Life is full of tragedy and drama. Sad, but true.

I can't imagine how people can spend so much time on social media. I am giving it up for Lent, and hopefully when Lent is over I will be cured and will go back to blissful ignorance. I have enough drama with the people in my life.

DechanDawa · Feb 12, 2016, 03:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Artchic528

I am learning, slowly but surely.

I'm at a place where I'm embracing being single. Meeting a nice man would be nice, but it's nowhere near my top priority. Besides, you always find something great when you're not looking for it, so maybe good things will come my way? Either way, I'm not the desperate searching soul I was last year. I'm more....in tune with my life as a single person, and know that I'm not ready for a huge commitment of a relationship quite yet.

Nice. I have a casual friend who just got married for the third time to someone she met online. She kept pestering me to go on online dating sites. I've been there, done that. Hate it. No romance at all. It feels desperate. Yeah, meeting someone when it is right is a perfect plan, and in the meantime, I do have personal goals. I was in the middle of writing a book and gave up on it. I was a little jealous this guy's wife finished her book. I need to get back to mine.

Artchic528 · Feb 12, 2016, 03:10 AM

I tried online dating too. It felt....rushed to me. Writing sounds awesome. Maybe you'll get a chance to be published some day?

Feb 12, 2016, 03:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DechanDawa

I can't imagine how people can spend so much time on social media. I am giving it up for Lent, and hopefully when Lent is over I will be cured and will go back to blissful ignorance. I have enough drama with the people in my life.

This is why I sometimes go off FB for a while. When I am manic, it is fun and great. When I am depressed, people's "picture perfect" happiness really bums me out.

My p-doc tells me to remember, that nobody's life is as perfect as the profile they post on FB.

Sorry you are upset.

DechanDawa · Feb 12, 2016, 03:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ValentinaVVV

This is why I sometimes go off FB for a while. When I am manic, it is fun and great. When I am depressed, people's "picture perfect" happiness really bums me out.

My p-doc tells me to remember, that nobody's life is as perfect as the profile they post on FB.

Sorry you are upset.

I like going on to keep in touch with my son. He is an artist and posts interesting stuff. I only have 10 FB friends, which is probably a record for the least amount of friends! I have never chatted on FB. I agree, to stay off when depressed is an excellent plan. Thanks.

DechanDawa · Feb 12, 2016, 03:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Artchic528

I tried online dating too. It felt....rushed to me. Writing sounds awesome. Maybe you'll get a chance to be published some day?

Yeah, if I finish the book. It's about half-way done, but then I gave up. Stupid. Have to stop letting things like FB distract me. It would be awesome to get published, yes. I think I am going to go for it, and get back to that project. Thanks. I think you are a great friend. I know you because I follow your posts.

Feb 12, 2016, 03:19 AM

I have found out about a few deaths and accidents through FB. Also have had a few friends who made suicidal posts that went on and on.Thank God they didn't do it.

FB can be very dramatic.

Artchic528 · Feb 12, 2016, 03:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DechanDawa

Yeah, if I finish the book. It's about half-way done, but then I gave up. Stupid. Have to stop letting things like FB distract me. It would be awesome to get published, yes. I think I am going to go for it, and get back to that project. Thanks. I think you are a great friend. I know you because I follow your posts.

Oh garsh.....

DechanDawa · Feb 12, 2016, 03:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ValentinaVVV

I have found out about a few deaths and accidents through FB. Also have had a few friends who made suicidal posts that went on and on.Thank God they didn't do it.

FB can be very dramatic.

Really? So my situation wasn't at all unique. I don't know much about all what goes on on Facebook...

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