Managing life?

How do you all manage the mundane aspects of your life?

I have very few actual obligations - no kids, no pets, no family in the same state as me, and a job where I work from home 95% of the time, and often don't have enough to keep me busy.

But, I feel like there's too much to do. Too many things to research, do, figure out, maintain, plan, etc.

For example:
- Cooking (I'm trying to eat healthy and lose weight, so learning to cook, planning meals, finding new recipes, shopping, cooking, freezing leftovers and washing dishes. I get exhausted just thinking about it, and it's just one thing on the list!)

- Keeping the house clean (vacuuming, cleaning the bathrooms, keeping the kitchen decently clean, picking up in the bedroom, doing laundry, organizing the never ending pile of stuff in my office)

- Exercise - ha! Trying to lose weight, I was walking ~5x/week, but I developed plantar fasciitis and can't do that. I'd like to get back to it - so low key aerobic exercise, like walking, I'd like to do some sort of muscle building exercise, I'd like to do some yoga for stress relief/mental health, I need to do fascia exercises (i.e. foam rollers, tennis ball) to keep my body from hurting, trying to fit in some work for my back/abs since I sit at a desk most hours of the day. Some of this requires reading/research (b/c I don't know enough to create a good routine and need to better understand good form), and possibly finding a trainer/gym.

- Work. Not just my current job, but trying to figure out what I want to do in the world, trying to find a new job, trying to learn things to transition to a new, more interesting career.

- Music - I take piano lessons and should be practicing much more than I am (I'm lucky if I fit in an hour a week). I enjoy this, and my piano teacher has been more helpful than any therapist I've seen, so I don't want to give it up.

- Home Repairs - My house feels like it's falling apart, and I'm not good at this stuff (first house). I need to figure out who to call to help with the addition at the back of my house (it's starting to fall off the house). I have a whole list of other things to fix/renovate. I don't expect to get everything done at once, but I'm not making any progress here at all, and the list is long, and I think that if I could get some of this done, it would improve my quality of life.

- Therapy - ha again. Trying to decide if I can find a new therapist, haven't had good experiences, but I don't enjoy my life as it is and think therapy could help. So, I'm either researching and interviewing therapists and then setting aside time for appointments (and time after appointments to recover/cry!) or I'm setting aside time to read self-help books in lieu of therapy, journal, and try to make sense of my stuff on my own.

- Financial planning - There's also some time dedicated to researching/understanding financial stuff/investing, so that I can make smart decisions for my retirement funds. I also need to make an appointment to create a will soon (I signed up for 1 year of the legal plan at work, so I want to get this done before that expires - just in case I get hit by a bus!) That's going to involve learning some new things too, I expect (my brother is an addict, so leaving him cash is probably not a good idea, it may need to be in a trust, but I don't know anything about those right now!)

Other things I'd like to do:
- Socialize - More of a "probably need to do this, but am not right now"
- Write more, maybe take a class
- Taking singing lessons for fun! I did this once, a long time ago, and loved it!
- Take acting classes!
- Maybe take some kind of comedy/improv classses?
- Continue studying French (I do a little on duolingo, and try to find an article or listen to a podcast here and there, but it hasn't been enough of a priority for me to really invest more time in it... I'd like to though)
- Possibly learn another language just for fun, if I had time.
- Lots more house stuff, including replacing my mattress.... I've spent way more time than any sane person should on researching mattresses, but haven't found anything that I really like so far. I expect that I'll spend even more time in the future as my current (~16 year old!) mattress continues to degrade!!!

OMG. I'm overwhelmed just thinking about all this, and I didn't even dive into details with the very long list of things that need fixing in the house.

How do you guys manage? There must be something I'm missing - because this all must be 1000x worse when you're also dealing with kids, spouses, and pets. I feel like just the basics (food, exercise, cleaning, sleep, & work) could easily eat up all my time... with nothing left for fun...

It doesn't help that I'm exhausted/depressed a lot. But even if I weren't, it seems like there are too many things to do. And too many of them (exercise, cooking, cleaning, sleep) are recurring tasks that will never go away...

Any ideas? Thanks!

What I do is Prioritize.
First time with God spiritual stuff to gain some sanity from this crazy world.
Second myself my well being health,
Third family and if time friends
Four my job
-break in here if overwhelmed
Fifth hobbies I play piano too.

Thanks Karlam... prioritizing makes sense. I think I may not be very good at it, but I guess I need a better plan... thanks.

I think the key is to do what makes us happy. Some rabbi was talking on the radio the other day and he said "learn how to say no to people". When we always say "yes" to make everyone else happy, we end up being miserable. I've actually had this philosophy for a while. I'm sort of selfish with my time but it's easy for me because I don't have any friends to please. They're nitwits and I don't talk to them anymore. Their thing ain't my thing......it used to be, but no longer.

In doing so, we don't get caught up in the drama. We do our own thing. For me, the core is exercise and mountain climbing. I love getting up on the hill - I don't have to please or answer to anyone. It's something I can plan and share with people who love me. I also play guitar, sort of a noodle here and there, basic rhythm and lead stuff. I listen to a lot of music, go somewhere in my mind. Diet needs some work.......I eat too many Junior Mints. I take my meds and see my p-doc every month as a check in but nothing heavy.

Most importantly, I'm learning to de-prioritize my job and approach it with a more calm demeanor instead of going balls to the wall every day.

From where I was a year ago, I'm doing OK.

Tbh I'm just happy if we all get through the day without any major incidents.

I'm usually behind on household stuff but try not to dwell on that. I know for my mental health being social with family and friends is an important part of my wellbeing, so I will prioritise that rather than fixate on the house. I try to remember to be mindful and take in the here and now - smell the clean sea air, listen to the waves, that's also good for my well-being.

PS - have you tried swimming for your PF? That's low impact.

For me, a lot of it is just managing your head :-) Enjoying what you are doing and not feeling guilty you aren't doing more/something else, etc. Barbara Sher's books: Barbara Sher's Official Website helped me a lot with that.

Hi guilloche,

I basically signed up here after reading your post, I can't really help with the managing of your life but I have a site that may be able to help you with your Plantar Fasciitis, I would personally recommend our exercise page as this can really relieve some of the pain you are feeling and hopefully get you back ot for some of your walks.

I tried to link to the page here but I don't have enough posts here yet feel free to pm me if you are interested.

I hope this helps you!

All the best in managing your daily life,

Menacer

Thanks everyone. You know, I'm reading these things... and it makes me think that my depression/anxiety might be affecting me more than I thought . It's hard, because I'm not always aware of them (I feel like I'm the way that I've always been, if that makes sense, but I recently had a few experiences that helped me see a bit more clearly how much anxiety I have).

Row Jimmy - Thanks, that's a really good point. I don't think that my stress is coming from other people (I don't really interact with very many people), but I can see how trying to please other people at your own expense would be a losing proposition.

Prefabsprout - Thanks, and awww (re: making it through the day without a major incident!). I hear you! Thanks for the tip on swimming, I was considering it, but don't own a bathing suit (and struggle with body stuff). I'm not even sure how to buy a bathing suit, as I'm a bit overweight and just.. ugh... with trying to fit the top and wanting to be fairly modest. I haven't owned a bathing suit in like... I don't know, maybe 20 years or so!?!?

A friend had recommended a place to go buy one, so it's on my list of things to do! But, then I'd also have to find a pool and right now, I haven't made it a priority since I feel like I'm drowning with everything else (no pun intended!).

Perna - Thanks! I love Barbara Sher's stuff, though I haven't peeked at it in awhile. I'll have to go check it out again, thanks for the link and reminder.

Menacer - thanks! I'll try to send you a PM... I'm struggling a bit with pages not loading, but I'd love to see your website. I've been doing some exercises that I found online (basically single leg calf raises off the edge of a stair, 3x/week) and it's helped, and I was doing some self massage in the evenings, but I haven't kept up with that. The exercises have helped... I can walk well enough to do errands and go shopping without any problems, but when I tried to actually get outside and walk around my neighborhood, I started noticing pain after ~5 minutes (the walk was only 10 minutes long, total) and I had more pain the next morning than I'd been having previously.

I really think I need to get the weight off to help the foot, as I'm back up to my heaviest. But, it's hard with the mental health stuff, life stuff, foot stuff, and general desire to drown my sorrows in chocolate-toffee-covered-pretzels (*sigh*).

Thanks everyone! I still think there's got to be some way to organize or structure my time better to get more done, with less thinking/stress. Maybe... like the idea of how there are things we just do automatically as part of a habit, that don't feel too onerous (like brushing out teeth). I think maybe, if I had a plan for keeping the house a bit cleaner that involved like... 15-20 minutes each day, maybe it would all work out better? I don't know, it's a theory...

I have learned how to cut back. Over the past year my life looked like this:

full-time software engineer
part-time music director at a church
part-time tuba player with an orchestra
voice instructor
voice student
piano student
AA member
Full-time dad and husband
and for awhile I played keys and brass in a country band

That's the way I like it, but I had to admit that I have limitations. I cut the band, the orchestra, piano lessons, taught less. I did this so that I could be an AA sponsor, which is one of the best decisions I've made.

But the key to it all is that I can do anything if I just take it one little step at a time. If I don't, I can easily get overwhelmed and useless. It forces me to live in the moment. In the moment, I'm free of anxiety, guilt, resentment. Also, I walk about 30 miles a week and swim three times a week. I cut gluten because my p-doc said it would help with the brain fog of serious meds. It did, btw. Scoff if you will! I eat small portions of food through the day which are high in protein, low in fat and carbs, and I try to get fruits and veggies. I take a high dose of very pure fish oil every morning. I do not drink or smoke or use any addictive drugs.

The reason I put so much effort into it, is because I cannot afford not to. If I lose it again, I will be without a wife, and likely out of a job. I want to be married and be a positive force in my teen children's lives. I want to be a good, steady worker. This is the lifestyle I've chosen. And this is what it takes to keep it.

I'm way too isolated, but when I do socialize (especially in the winter) it sometimes increases my depression even more than being isolated. In the long run, though, some socializing is better for me.

I do manage to keep my home clean and tidy, including caring for my beloved cats.

Almost every week I go to a NAMI Connection support group.

During the warmer months I love to watch baseball.

The winter months are hard for me, in general. I managed to decorate some for the holidays, but I'm sad, so everything seems mean.

I think the 15-20 mins a day is a great idea, slow manageable steps.

Please don't feel intimidated about swimming costumes, there are all kind of styles to suit every kind of body type out there (Amazon is worth a search) and the great thing about swimming is once you are in the water nobody can see you anyway.

Swimming is so relaxing I can't recommend it enough, and a great way to gentle strength train. When my anxiety was bad it helped calm me.

It calms just to think about it. Sometimes, if I have a hard time going to sleep I think about the fact that I will be gliding through the water the next day.

I always get the absolute necessities done.

When I'm depressed, I just let go and don't do everything that isn't crucial.

When I'm feeling good, I can be incredibly productive. I don't think I'm manic. I just happily get so much done.