what would you tell your 15 year old self?

I would tell her:

"You are not who you think you are. Trust me. I know you much, much better and I love you! The people you live with are not to be your guides. They are ill. They do not understand you and that is okay. A wonderful doctor is just around the corner. She's going to bring you back from this hell. She'll introduce you to the person I love. Please be gentle and kind to that person. She deserves it. I have seen the future baby love, and it is bright! Don't give up! Listen to the doctor when you meet her and please don't give up!"

I'd tell myself it gets a little better then you get married and it all goes to crap again. DO NOT marry for love, it is just not enough. Get into therapy and get on meds as soon as you can it will make a world of difference. NONE of what has happened is your fault. They are sick twisted people who you should tell on as soon as you can. Your mother is broken you can't fix her just stay the hell out of her way. She does love you she is just too broken to love without hurting you.

Stop trying so hard to fit in. Don't be embarrassed to show your true colors.

To take the positive of what others say to heart.

Tell the teachers about the bullying and the OCD, better getting help now than ending up in hospital at 17. Also, don't do anything you don't want to just to keep others happy, and don't have a smear test as a virgin, as it will help you decide who and what you really are without that extra confusion over painful sex.

Yeah, I'm the same Skeezyks. I was too scared, because I thought that I might be injured rather than killed - and I already knew from the abuse how long it takes to die.

I don't hate my life, but I wouldn't live through the years 8 to 18 again whatever the alternative might be. More horrible than I can allow myself to remember.

Just do the damned schoolwork...do it until you're doing it well and don't stop.
Now here...take a good look at me...
Now look at my wallet and the car I just drove here in.
DO THE DAMNED SCHOOLWORK KID...D'YA GET IT NOW??

Given the chance I'd get pregnant again, but someone loving.

-Stop eating junk for lunch.
-There is SO much you have to learn.
-Be kind for everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing of.
-The popular kids aren't worth it. Popular is just code for mean.
-You're awesome.

YOU...ARE...NOT...WEIRD...!

Girl, you are just not that weird after all.

Oh, and...

You were just ahead of your time. One day other black kids will wear vans and listen to Linkin Park without looking at each other like pariahs. Oy.

You are lovable just the way you are. The other kids can stick it. The parents too.

Chasing boys and friends will only lead to abuse and heartache. Save your love for someone who will truly love you. And learn to love yourself because you are worth it.

Do the work. The homework, the jobs, everything. And figure out what your passion is.

To focus learning mathematics, to opt for mathematics at the higher level. To not worry about things such as romantic partners just yet. Try to learn to drive. Befriend your relatives. Try to study by reading books from Western authors. Aim to become either a surgeon or an astrophysicist. Don't be afraid of failure. Your psychiatrist will help you get through this. Just trust.

You are safe, no one is going to hurt you ever again

Run away little girl! Run away!!

Get out!

15 years old was the start of my first major bipolar episodes. I guess I'd tell myself that I had bipolar disorder (manic depression) and not schizophrenia, like I thought. I'd also have to teach myself what manic depression even was. I understood depression, but not mania. I'd recommend treatment from a psychiatrist.

I'd tell myself to never ever ever stop dancing. I need not be a professional, but I should dance every day without exceptions.

I'd say idealism of youth need never die. I'd remind myself to always stay brave.

I'd warn myself to not abuse alcohol in the future.

I'd tell myself to not drop Intermediate French in college three years later, but to take it through Advanced and continue even beyond.

You are beautiful.

You are beautiful and incredible just the way you are. You have nothing to prove to anyone. Work on loving yourself first and everything else will fall into place.

Please keep calm, don't rush. Just remember to be respectful.
You will find your way

You will be alive decades from now.

I know you are doing everything you can do, even if it doesn’t feel anywhere near enough.

Don't get married, and don't believe the constant put-downs from your parents. Yes, you CAN do well without a college education.

Don't believe people who run you down. Maturity and confidence are good as gold. Don't settle when it comes to love...if love isn't there keep looking.

It's okay not to be perfect. It's okay to make mistakes. You will still be loved all the same.

I think I'd shed light about my mother (possibly) having NPD .. how that would have impact on the relationships between all her children.. and prevented a suicide attempt, a year later. It would have given me a greater understanding that the problem was not at all mine to fix.. and that I was worthy enough of love.