Choosing between being yelled at and someone giving sarcastic backhanded compliments

Just out of curiosity, if someone is mad at you, would you prefer someone to yell at you or be very sarcastic and give backhanded compliments? For me, I would rather someone be very sarcastic and give backhanded compliments. The reason is because I know it's possible for people who yell and scream to lose control of themselves.

They may become unpredictable. I've known some people in the past and still know people now that scream when they are angry. They may resort to hitting, throwing stuff, stomping around, and just generally making a fool of themselves. I don't think yelling is a good idea since it only provokes fear and may even cause someone to respond negatively even if they are not the subject of the person's anger.

When I see someone losing total control of themselves, I'm always ready for them to either hit, throw something, or just be very irrational especially if there is no good reason for the anger. Meanwhile, I know some other people that, instead of yelling and losing control of themselves, they will resort to sarcasm and giving out backhanded compliments. Not saying it is any nicer. It can still be rude, but I don't feel like I am on guard for any swift and unreasonable actions the person may do.

Basically, I feel more at ease with someone who just resorts to sarcasm and backhanded compliments. The only downfall for some people would be if they don't understand sarcasm, they may not catch on that someone is angry, which could anger the person who is being sarcastic even more. I've seen that happen a few times unfortunately. Overall, I find it easier to deal with someone who is being sarcastic and delivering snarky, snide, and calculating backhanded compliments over someone who is screaming their face off and may even appear to be unpredictable. What would you guys prefer? Just wondered what you all thought.

I don’t understand sarcasm much. So yeah I’d rather have that then them yell at me.

But I can understand when someone’s being passive aggressive. My store manager is so good at it. One time he asked me if I could work a Sunday and I said no and he said in a “nice” tone “ I thought you couldn’t but I wanted to ask anyways” and I was so amazed at how well he did it. I mean you had to really pay attention to notice he was being passive aggressive.

You know your store manager better than anyone else. In this situation, I wouldn't see this as passive aggressive. I've seen this played out many times by genuine people. Sure, someone claims they're unavailable on certain days. I think it's reasonable to double check with someone in the event that their plans have changed, particularly if they're desperate to fill that position.

Yeah I know a lot of people like that too. Usually you can tell in their behavior and tone of voice.

Yeah sometimes it can be genuine in this situation, but sometimes not.

I don't often get sarcasm. It's easier for me if people tell me they're angry. When they're sarcastic it goes over my head and then they are frustrated until I don't get it until it boils over and they end up yelling anyway. So I don't think sarcasm works as well as honest anger.

I'd actually prefer to be yelled at because at least then the confrontation has started and I don't have to guess what's making them angry. It's very challenging to confront passive aggressive people who make snide, back-handed remarks. I know yelling can be frightening, but at least the person is just being straightforward. Backhanded remarks are too much of a game for me to deal with. And in my experience people can be shaped to behave better when they are angry versus unlearn passive aggressiveness. IME.

Yeah I can see how being sarcastic and giving backhanded compliments can backfire. I’ve seen that happen to others and it could happen if it is someone you don’t know very well that is being sarcastic.

Yeah true I can see that. I do know some people that are passive aggressive that never learn to fully explain why they are angry which is also very annoying.

I choose neither....I don’t put up with that sort of

Yeah thst’s what I would prefer but sometimes it’s unavoidable.

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Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic I choose neither....I don’t put up with that sort of

Me too. I'm not going to put up with either. If I've done something that someone else didn't like I'd rather solve the problem and have it over with.

I used to be more tolerant at being yelled at, because I grew up around a lot of it, but I'm not so much anymore. I certainly don't like sarcastic false compliments or passive aggressive behavior. Nowadays, if I am yelled at I tend to just exit stage left. When receiving the latter two, I more quickly call the person out on it. After almost 50 years of life, I don't put up with any of that crap anymore. Luckily, my husband doesn't tend to do any of these things, especially the latter two.

If I’d get yelled at, that person gets their truth off their chest. I can ignore it or respond in some way.

The other option starts a toxic game. It’s too much effort for me to play it. I don’t have the patience for it.

I’d rather have a shouting match and get it over with than a game of wits that takes time. I find that more stressful, as I’d be ruminating over that vs the shouting is over quickly.

I learned to develop teeth to bite when this is occurring. It's difficult but very healthy to protect yourself as it helps mentally in the long run.

Yeah true.

Yeah I can understand. I was around yelling a lot too which made me prefer someone to be sarcastic and use backhanded compliments since I learned that if I was being yelled at, even over something minor, I was going to be repeatedly hit so I was always afraid of abyone who yelled. For someone who is being sarcastic but calm, I don’t feel as threatened. I still don’t like it, but at least they won’t be physical.

Yeah I can understand that. I only choose sarcasm due to me knowing there won’t be any physical confrontation. But yeah, mind games can be toxic if they won’t tell you what’s wrong.

Yeah makes sense.

People doing either have no place in my life, I’d cut them out until they’re on better behavior. All you have to do is walk away from the conversation.

I do not like sarcasm or backhanded remarks. To me it takes much more cruelty to say things like this rather than just yelling.

Yeah true. I do agree that they shouldn’t do either.

Yeah true, it can be more cruel.