Checking in: how are you?

I don't even know how to explain anything anymore.

Can't complain....

I got something accompolished outside out of the house. I didn't get the answer I was hoping for but now I know I the answer. I didn't have any anxiety talking to the guy. I was at a tailors.

Besides that its just been the same as these past few days. Physical stuff. Todays been a big *****. With the pain. Besides going to the tailors I've just been lying in bed all day watching TV.

This morning I could hardly walk. Left foot felt sprained. I limped to the Saint James Catholic Church. No mass, just wanted to say a general prayer. While walking out I suddenly noticed my sprained foot was completely normal. It was amazing, like a miracle! I think that church is a holy place filled with Gods angels. Sometimes they speak to me and help me.

Such a bad cold virus. Feel like death warmed up in bed ☹️

So far, so good.

I kinda want to go to the ER because of my stomach issues and how sleep deprived I am and all the caffeine I've had today to try to deal with it. I feel fine mental health wise. I just feel kinda like my head and heart are gonna explode.

I went to the bookstore and got some coloring books I thought might help. I think I'm just desperate at this point tbh and willing to try anything.

I was having the oddest sensation in my body. Like electricity was going through it. Or something like that. Like my tendons were being covered in a condom. These sensations are gone now that I had my last appt. I believe I will keep away from drinking water excessively because it seems to happen when that does.

I've been doing good but I'm lying on my right side which is an issue. All I have to do is lie on my left side to get some relief.

I REALLY prefer to sleep on my right side, but if i move to my left side, my belly on the now "free" right side starts sounding like babbling brook. And i feel better. Which is kinda weird, because i used to have my heart feel squished on my left side, but i think i was fatter then.

Pretty good days for me here on out. I think that I am kind of amazing and that God put me on this earth because He, at least, thought I was special before I was even conceived so someone likes me. He thought I was so special and unique a soul that I had to be created and that I was/am worth being here and living. He is quite possibly the only reason I ever was. And because I believe it like this I have this unique point of view on the world.

Awful. Struggling with thoughts, but I should be ok!

Feeling really rubbish

I am in good spirits. There are days where I want to be on my own and days where I like being around all my roommates. It's a recovery house with 7 women and it's a challenge but I am starting to like the company.

I got more of my regular melatonin so I feel relaxed right now. But I'm still dealing with the stomach stuff and I think I'm about to head into round 12. I'm kinda dehydrated too. But overall I was ok today.

Well, you took about 12 doses! What goes in, must come out! I have a problem with Glucerna (diabetic) snack bars - one or two is fine (they are SO yummy) but i think they might have high fructose corn syrup in them (or used to), because i wind up eating the box of 6 (or 12 if i got two boxes). Then omg the most painful neverending reactions. Negative reinforcement is definitely a thing. I actually ordered a SMALL pizza delivered the other day, and a salad, and i ate the salad with my own diet (fatfree) dressing.

Do you have any gatorade? Dehydration is a big danger with diarrhea.

Yeah I think I have one or 2 little bottles. I took some pepto bismol tablets a few minutes ago so I think things are ok now.

I forget what I was eating a lot of one time, maybe Quest protein cookies or bars or something and I think they were causing cramps and stuff.

I got my stomach under control with Pepcid and Pepto Bismol. We got Little Cesars for dinner. I did fine with it but I was thinking "the doctor said I shouldn't be eating this way..." I had 2.5 slices. My stomach feels borderline right now. I haven't tried lying down yet.

And I got 2 hours of sleep and I'm now in extreme pain.

Such sore back muscles from the flu ....

Don't you have a script for Bentyl? I can't spell the generic without the bottle and that's in the other room. Dicomoprimide or something like that. It helps slow things down very well.

When I have to have my high risk breast cancer screenings I have a very upset stomach for several days. Bentyl saves me. My doctor isn't really a fan of pepto or immodium. With Pepto I know you have to wait 30 minutes before you eat. Somehow it does not constipate me.

I had a couple weird psych reactions to bentyl. Like agitation and unusual thinking. It was pretty freaky. I'm on pantropalzol or however you spell it, and I took that last night which helped me get back to sleep.

Guess i just handled a panic attack
I've been feeling like a had a mountain pressing on the chest all the morning and suddenly had to go out and breathe
Then step back into the house and cried for 5/10 then finally felt better

I'm still not finding that balance but I haven't taken anything. But I am starting to want to throw up from pain and nausea and I have a canker sore the size of a nickel on my lip thats brushing agaisnt my teeth and making it hard to drink water. Idk whats up.

But my mental health has improved drastically for some reason while my physical health has plummted. I traded one in I suppose.

I’ve been feeling up since yesterday afternoon. There was a technical difficulty at work my boss couldn’t solve, a supervisor at my former office couldn’t solve, and a coworker who has been with the organization longer than I have couldn’t solve, and I solved it ten minutes before closing. So my adrenaline has been sky high since then. I was wide awake at 3am this morning. Now I’m just waiting to crash…

On edge about my court date next week. A new job depends on the outcome too. My life is about to change again, and I am unprepared.