happy period

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending ********. And that's a promise I will keep.
Always. . .

Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX

I thought it was going to comment on the flexi-wing tendency to stick to pubic hair, side of your leg, itself, etc. before you can get it tacked to your underwear "properly". Just added stress. And I never guaged where to put the pad properly before securing it either to it would be too far forward or too far in the rear, etc.

<<<<<<,, WMD. Also trying to catch his breath ......

Now realizing ,,, this is a myth <<< No such thing,,, no such thing ,,,, also New and IMPROVED excuse for old tried and true " Honey ,, I've got a HEADACHE " ...

Poor Mr. Thatcher. I being a guy can do nothing about your profit drop , That will be represented by Ms. Aarons choice to discontinue useing your amazingly winged designed Happy Period Pads.

Although I do still have some Friend girls that still use the old "I got a headache dodge" ,,, and I will gladly share with them Your wonderful product that defies the laws of gravity ,, and apparently allows for a free ride on a F-16....

Just how do you do it Man?

AAAAAa Bop , Glad to see your sense of humor has returned <<,>>, <<< I Hope . LOL.

tampons

wm honey I always have a sense of humor lol

oh my oh my