[x_BabyG_x]

I needed a bit of a cheering up tonight... and these made me laugh... enjoy!

"You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest." - Rowan Atkinson.

"What's another word for thesaurus?" - Steven Wright.

"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?" - Steven Wright

"I can resist everything except temptation." - Oscar Wilde.

"If at first you don't succeed... So much for skydiving." - Henry Youngman

"Aren't we forgeting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa?" - Bart Simpson

"Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos." - Homer Simpson

"I believe in dragons, fairies, good men and other mythical creatures!"

"A friend is someone who's there when he needs you"

"Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder"

"Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film!"

"42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot."

"If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?"

"When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. "

"I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out."

"If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side."

and if u have any more please add to them!!

babyg xxx

[x_BabyG_x]

Oh, and...

"im not as think as you drunk I am!"

classic xx

[Perna]

Those are great, BabyG

"We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world." ~ Dan Quayle.

"I'm a philosophy major. That means I can think deep thoughts about being unemployed." ~ Bruce Lee.

"An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex." ~ Edgar Wallace.

"I can speak Esperanto like a native." ~ Spike Milligan

"What's on your mind, if you'll forgive the overstatement?" ~ Fred Allen.

"Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?" ~ John Mendosa.

"Why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as well as prohibition did, in five years Americans would be the smartest race of people on Earth." ~ Will Rogers.

"College athletes used to get a degree in bringing your pencil." ~ Ruby Wax.

"If a man is a fool, you don't train him out of being a fool by sending him to university. You merely turn him into a trained fool, ten times more dangerous." ~ Desmond Bagley.

[gimmeice]

All of those are great!!!!

At a health drink shop, I purchased a "booster" drink with chocoalate and banana in it. What I meant to ask my son was "Do you want a sip of my drink?"

What came out was:

"Do you want a suck of my funky monkey?"

Now it is the chosen quote of my house.

[TaintedGoth1]

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?

Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.

I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.(Friend or Money !)

Death is hereditary.

There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.

A consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

[bflatgary]

Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?