[(JD)]

My brother retired from being an airline mechanic just this year (after 40 years in the business. Though I'd pass this along to you, he just sent it to me.)

UPS Airlines

Just in case you need a laugh:
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high
school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly
routinely in our jobs. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form,
called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the
aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs
on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next
flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are
some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked
with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance
engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an
accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
*
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
*
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
*
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
*
P: Auto pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
*
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
*
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable
level.
*
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
*
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
*
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
*
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search
*
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
*
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
*
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
*
And the best one for last
*
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

[MyBestKids2]

Tis very funny, thanks for sharing!!

[Perna]

That's great!

[gimmeice]

Thank you for sharing, that's funny.

[bebop]

omg!! I have tears rolling down my face...tummy hurts!! oh thanks I needed that laugh so bad!!!

[free2beme]

Thanks Sky . . . still laughing!

[TaintedGoth1]

[heyhey.im.j]

that was fantastic! I almost wish I could be an airline repair person just so I could share my sense of humor LOL !!

[splitimage]

LOL

[(JD)]

I think many of you might wish to give answers similar in scope to someone where you work, eh?

It would take having a good "handle" on the English language, so you could poke fun at those who don't...if that's proper. (It sure is fun though at times )

[SeptemberMorn]

Sounds like some of Jerry's answers to many things. He used to be a boiler and condenser mechanic for the power company. He had similar sheets to fill out. LMBO

Sometimes he answers me the same way when I have a problem solving something. Smart alec!!

[(JD)]

It's one thing to make comment and not do the work... but kind of fun if the job's done right too.

Here's another one he sent me. (Mind you, he just recently got on the internet ...with an email addy.)

Federal Government Authority

A Department of Water representative stopped at a farm and talked with
an Old farmer. He told the farmer, 'I need to inspect your farm for your
Water allocation.'
The old farmer said, 'OK, but don't go in that field over there.'
The Water representative said, 'Mister, I have the authority of the
Federal Government with me.
See this card? This card means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I WANT on
ANY agricultural land.
No questions asked or answered. Have I made myself clear? Do you
understand?'
The old farmer nodded politely and went about his farm chores.
Later, the Old farmer heard loud screams and saw the Water Rep running
for the fence and close behind was the farmer's huge-horned prize bull.
The bull was gaining on the Water Rep. with every step. The Rep was
clearly terrified, so the old farmer immediately threw down his tools,
ran to the fence and shouted out.....
'Your card! Your card! Show him your card!'

[sarahlilianne]

Thanks Sky this has brighten my day!
Lily