[Crew]

I have never dealt with grief because everytime I would try to visit it, it over took me...any ideas to forgiving myself even though it wasn't my fault?

Every idea would be greatly appreciated.... ThaCrew

[bebop]

perhaps a little more info hon. is this your child you are talking about? if you can maybe a little of what happened? I have dealt with the loss of a grandchild. no difference I don't think. she was mine. my sweet little baby girl. When I lost her I felt it was indirectly my fault. I think the healing didn't begin until I could accept her death and that took awhile. she was my world. I am here for you hon.

[Hunny]

This 'overtaking' that you refer to is so completely understandable in grieving the 'death of children'.

I know it is not the same as born children but I have had three children die in my womb and it must be my fault in two of them. This has caused me great emotional pain, sadness, guilt and shame in my life.

I don't know if it will help for you but I had to write and draw something like a little booklet and then I kind of made 40 copies or so and handed them out to people. It was my way. I don't know that it was that big for anyone to receive but it was what I felt immensely compelled to do. Um there is so much emotion just telling you this that I can barely do it but it is required, sort of.

I also went to a ceremony at a local cemetary. It was a dedication of a stone and a tree and ceremony for grieving mother's (parents) of children who had died too soon, in the womb or early after birth. We could write our names on little wooden cards that we then attached to the tree with a ribbon. God, it was painful!

It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, to go forward but in a way it was the most 'best' thing I could have ever done.

I visit that stone now and then and the tree goes through all the change of season. There are always new names on the tree and candles by the stone and little stuffies around it as well.

Crew, I don't know if these are internal children, but I would think it is the same for them. I just wanted to validate your grieving process, no matter what amount of time it has taken. For me it took about 30 years or so to acknowledge them this way. Thankfull these people provided me with a way. Even the men who created the memorial place who worked at the cemetary were at the dedication. They did it as volunteers to the cause I believe. I am so sorry if I am off base with this response. I hope it helps.

I hope and pray you are okay.

Originally Posted by ThaCrew

I have never dealt with grief because everytime I would try to visit it, it over took me...any ideas to forgiving myself even though it wasn't my fault?

Every idea would be greatly appreciated.... ThaCrew

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