she doesn't have a lot of time left. the cancer has riddled her brain with tumors and is getting to the point where she's not really lucid when she's awake anymore. Maybe at most another month because she hasn't gotten to the point where she's sleeping all the time (even though the sleep cycle is all over the place) and she still has an appetite.

I heard about this last night, and have been having a hard time keeping myself together since that time... it's really the first time I've felt sad or cried over somebody dying since I was a little kid.

I guess the main thing is that I feel like she never really knew how much she mattered to a lot of people. I also felt guilty because she asked me to call her sometime when I last talked to her (on Christmas) but I never did. But mom told me that even at that point her cancer was spreading into her brain so even if I did it would have only really been for me since she probably wouldn't have remembered anyways. Though, once she does pass we are all going down to Atlanta for the funeral and stuff... too bad the only thing I want is that 30ft tall sakura in her back yard which is impossible to get of course I've wanted to see it since she told me she had one in her back yard that she took home as a little baby tree she found on the side of the road years ago (this was also years before she was diagnosed by the way)

[jacq10]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((Kaika)))))))))))))))))))
I'm sorry to hear about your nan
Hugs to you both

[Sabrina]

Hugs to you during this difficult time!

[Hunny]

((((((Kaika)))))))

Letting go is no easy thing as she is important to you. I love reading about how she got the tree as a baby on the side of the road and now it is a 30ft tall sakura and that is all you want from her.

What a lovely grandaughter you are! Maybe that little baby tree was just like you and now you are grown just like it. You have a wonderful heritage from your grandma because of that tree.

Keep praying or thinking or thanking her when thoughts of her come into your mind. That is what she needs from you now and that you share something special together in that tree. There seems to be a spiritual connection through that little tree that you both love.




Hunny

Originally Posted by Kaika

she doesn't have a lot of time left. the cancer has riddled her brain with tumors and is getting to the point where she's not really lucid when she's awake anymore. Maybe at most another month because she hasn't gotten to the point where she's sleeping all the time (even though the sleep cycle is all over the place) and she still has an appetite.

I heard about this last night, and have been having a hard time keeping myself together since that time... it's really the first time I've felt sad or cried over somebody dying since I was a little kid.

I guess the main thing is that I feel like she never really knew how much she mattered to a lot of people. I also felt guilty because she asked me to call her sometime when I last talked to her (on Christmas) but I never did. But mom told me that even at that point her cancer was spreading into her brain so even if I did it would have only really been for me since she probably wouldn't have remembered anyways. Though, once she does pass we are all going down to Atlanta for the funeral and stuff... too bad the only thing I want is that 30ft tall sakura in her back yard which is impossible to get of course I've wanted to see it since she told me she had one in her back yard that she took home as a little baby tree she found on the side of the road years ago (this was also years before she was diagnosed by the way)

[eskielover]

Kaika,

I am sorry to hear about your grandma. I know I lost my mother to cancer 5 years ago & it was a trauma to go through all of the suffering with her as the cancer spread.

I love the story about the tree in your Grandma's back yard. Maybe you can find a little tree that is coming up under this big one. I have found many times out in the woods that there are little seedling trees that come up from the big ones.......who knows.....maybe when you are at her house, you will be able to either get a seed from the tree or find a seedling from it to grow into your own 30ft Sakura.

I know what you mean about the most meaningful things are the things we have beautiful memories of.

May you & your family find peace in this time of sorrow,

Debbie

thanks you guys

Well, I never really knew her that well until I was in my teen years. She was more of a tough old bird then a sweet old lady lol. She had lived with her sister who had also died of lung cancer a few years back (both of them pretty much smoked their entire lives) my mom visited her many months ago when she wasn't far gone and they talked and stuff because my mom wanted to know more about her. Apparently she was a dancer and wanted to open her own studio when she was young. But well, then my mom happened, and in those times if she was having a baby then she better be married to the baby-daddy. (my grandpa) they really don't like each other and they did divorce back in the 70's, and yet they managed to have 6 kids together (including my mom who is the oldest). I remember my mom was starting to cry because she was talking about a recent phone conversation she had with her and my mom said to her that in a way it was great for her to "have so many children who love her so much" even though in the end having children prevented her of really living her dream, to which she responded "yeah, I must have done something right."

anyways, once she passes I'm going down to Georgia for the funeral and such anyways, gathering the seeds from the tree is a good idea even though I'm not sure what to look for. And I'm not sure if the tree could survive in this climate because I thought it was a warm-weather tree. But then again, they are in Canada (north of here) and Manhattan (south of here) and are doing just fine so I think it' be ok.

She passed this morning
Going down to Atlanta tonight

[lynn P.]

My sincere condolences to you (((Kaika)) and your family. May she rest in peace. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

[notz]

(((((((((Kaika)))))))))

I'm thinking of you and your family.

Yeah, I'm doing fine, but I'm concerned about mom, aunts and brother too (I think he is more sensitive then me sometimes...) anyways, just an FYI, I won't be back until next Friday.

[dyzan]

Kk,

If time permits, and the snowfall has shifted to awash, may a little seedling (from a beautiful tree),
find your gentle hand.

dyzan.
~waves~

ok so... I came home early to avoid the blizzard that is going to hit tonight. I didn't find anything like a seed but I did find a lovely picture of a tree that looks like a sakura (I'm not 100% sure at least, but that's what it looks like) and it has other flowers and butterflies and stuff like that in it too. I'm going to put in my room, and will probably upload a picture of it once it has been put up..

[eskielover]

Just read that your Grandma died & wanted to send you my sympathy. Know it's hard for family, I am sure especially your mom......