[Blue93]

2nd time. Got logged out the first time and lost my post... Ok here goes again.

Jasper, my brother, got diagnosed with leukemia (AML) last year spring.
Wich was a shock because we thought it was just the flu or something.
Also AML is a form of cancer usually only adults get, with kids its almost always ALL... Also it's harder to treath then ALL. Anyways...
He went trough a couple of chemotherapy treatments and went into remission last summer.

Yay! He had to redo the year at school but they were helping him do some stuff he missed when he became sick, instead of some stuff he had already done before he got sick. This way he could do it in his own tempo... We got a permanent fosterfamily so we could finally settle down and pick our lifes back up.

However he relapsed last december... Just a few days before Christmas we heard it was back. They told us he had to have bone marrow transplant (or was it stam cell transplant? not sure...) but they leukemia had to be put back in remission first. They started new chemotherapy a few days into 2009.

A couple of weeks ago we got the horrible news... The chemo wasn't really doing anything. We were both sort of in shock I guess cause that's really bad news... chemo not working means no remission means no transplant... They talked about him like he was dead already.

They decided to put him on some kind of experimental drugs next to regular treatments, mainly because he's very young, only 13 years old...
He went back in the hospital last week and became like expected very sick. More so then during any other treatment he went trough.

He sort of ... crashed though I guess you can call it, last sundaymorning when we were visiting him. We were just watching tv, he was nodding of now and then. Monitors started beeping... They kicked us out of the room. Told us later they would talk about further treatments ... what they meant is if they would continue the treatment or not... They had to put him om breathing support. Said his body couldn't handle the heavy treatments anymore, took to much of a toll on his body, his heart couldn't cope... They said monday that they would stop the treatments, he's not strong enough... There was nothing they could do anymore

He's going to die...

It's just a matter of waiting till he... will die. And hoping he will get strong enough to come home... He knows... but I dont think he fully realises it, he's still on breathing support and sleeps most of the day.
I'm just feeling.. empty... panicking... empty... disconnected from the rest of the world that just keeps going on as if nothing is happening.. so cliché but so true... I can't imagine life without him.

He's everything I have

[Corine]

Originally Posted by Blue93

2nd time. Got logged out the first time and lost my post... Ok here goes again.

Jasper, my brother, got diagnosed with leukemia (AML) last year spring.
Wich was a shock because we thought it was just the flu or something.
Also AML is a form of cancer usually only adults get, with kids its almost always ALL... Also it's harder to treath then ALL. Anyways...
He went trough a couple of chemotherapy treatments and went into remission last summer.

Yay! He had to redo the year at school but they were helping him do some stuff he missed when he became sick, instead of some stuff he had already done before he got sick. This way he could do it in his own tempo... We got a permanent fosterfamily so we could finally settle down and pick our lifes back up.

However he relapsed last december... Just a few days before Christmas we heard it was back. They told us he had to have bone marrow transplant (or was it stam cell transplant? not sure...) but they leukemia had to be put back in remission first. They started new chemotherapy a few days into 2009.

A couple of weeks ago we got the horrible news... The chemo wasn't really doing anything. We were both sort of in shock I guess cause that's really bad news... chemo not working means no remission means no transplant... They talked about him like he was dead already.

They decided to put him on some kind of experimental drugs next to regular treatments, mainly because he's very young, only 13 years old...
He went back in the hospital last week and became like expected very sick. More so then during any other treatment he went trough.

He sort of ... crashed though I guess you can call it, last sundaymorning when we were visiting him. We were just watching tv, he was nodding of now and then. Monitors started beeping... They kicked us out of the room. Told us later they would talk about further treatments ... what they meant is if they would continue the treatment or not... They had to put him om breathing support. Said his body couldn't handle the heavy treatments anymore, took to much of a toll on his body, his heart couldn't cope... They said monday that they would stop the treatments, he's not strong enough... There was nothing they could do anymore

He's going to die...

It's just a matter of waiting till he... will die. And hoping he will get strong enough to come home... He knows... but I dont think he fully realises it, he's still on breathing support and sleeps most of the day.
I'm just feeling.. empty... panicking... empty... disconnected from the rest of the world that just keeps going on as if nothing is happening.. so cliché but so true... I can't imagine life without him.

He's everything I have

((((blue)))),
I'm so sorry to hear what your going through..
No words can really comfort you.. Even if you expect him to die.. it isn't easy no matter how much you prepare yourself for it.. IT HURTS!!
I can't find words to tell you anything that will make you feel better.. Because no matter what, it still going to hurt.. HE IS YOUR BROTHER...
All I can do is be here so that you can vent.. yell, cry, what ever emotion you are going through.. and all of it is okay.. because we are created with emotions..
Plz keep posting.. I wish i could give you this in person .
I know when my brother had a masive heart attack.. he was in ICU for 2 mouths.. And the Doctor's only gave him 10% chance to make it through.. But we held on to that 10% chance.. One day good news.. next day bad news..it was being a yo yo with emotions.. But by the Grace of God he has made it .. He still live with only 20% of his heart working.. and its been 8 yrs now.
But there is hope even when the doctors say there isn't..
I will keep you and your family and brother in my prayers..
keep in touch..
Corine

((( Blue )))

To brace yourself for death is so hard.

You are so young and there is still hope in your life, please don't give up. I know any words I have will seem a small attempt to help you, but please, there is plenty of good in this world you have not seen.

It's okay to feel awful, I know I did when someone close to me faced death in a hospital, but you have yourself and a bright future ahead of you.

Be safe, take care.

[angel12]

I am so sorry blue
hugs if ok
sorry low on words but reading and care

It's just awful news, Blue. Is there anyway you can join a support group? Check with the hospital, I'm sure they can help you find one.

Maybe you need to seek out (in addition to the support you get from PC) an online support group.

http://www.compassionatefriends.org/..._Siblings.aspx

http://www.adultsiblinggrief.com/resources.htm

http://groww.org/

[mysterytour]

so sorry blue...i will keep you both in my prayers.....

[Capp]

((Blue))
I'm so very sorry...

You and your brother are in my thoughts,
Cap

[BlueFaith]

(((( Blue )))) I wish there was something I could do or say to make this better. I am here for you, though, holding your hand through this.

[Blue93]

orange, the first two are for adults, but ill check the groww one out... thanks

my prayers are with your brother

[I_WMD]

Originally Posted by Blue93

2nd time. Got logged out the first time and lost my post... Ok here goes again.

Jasper, my brother, got diagnosed with leukemia (AML) last year spring.
Wich was a shock because we thought it was just the flu or something.
Also AML is a form of cancer usually only adults get, with kids its almost always ALL... Also it's harder to treath then ALL. Anyways...
He went trough a couple of chemotherapy treatments and went into remission last summer.

Yay! He had to redo the year at school but they were helping him do some stuff he missed when he became sick, instead of some stuff he had already done before he got sick. This way he could do it in his own tempo... We got a permanent fosterfamily so we could finally settle down and pick our lifes back up.

However he relapsed last december... Just a few days before Christmas we heard it was back. They told us he had to have bone marrow transplant (or was it stam cell transplant? not sure...) but they leukemia had to be put back in remission first. They started new chemotherapy a few days into 2009.

A couple of weeks ago we got the horrible news... The chemo wasn't really doing anything. We were both sort of in shock I guess cause that's really bad news... chemo not working means no remission means no transplant... They talked about him like he was dead already.

They decided to put him on some kind of experimental drugs next to regular treatments, mainly because he's very young, only 13 years old...
He went back in the hospital last week and became like expected very sick. More so then during any other treatment he went trough.

He sort of ... crashed though I guess you can call it, last sundaymorning when we were visiting him. We were just watching tv, he was nodding of now and then. Monitors started beeping... They kicked us out of the room. Told us later they would talk about further treatments ... what they meant is if they would continue the treatment or not... They had to put him om breathing support. Said his body couldn't handle the heavy treatments anymore, took to much of a toll on his body, his heart couldn't cope... They said monday that they would stop the treatments, he's not strong enough... There was nothing they could do anymore

He's going to die...

It's just a matter of waiting till he... will die. And hoping he will get strong enough to come home... He knows... but I dont think he fully realises it, he's still on breathing support and sleeps most of the day.
I'm just feeling.. empty... panicking... empty... disconnected from the rest of the world that just keeps going on as if nothing is happening.. so cliché but so true... I can't imagine life without him.

He's everything I have

Blue ,,,, If you can get him Home try your best ...If not ,, everything else ? >> Trust Me >>... Can wait .

Be there as he awakes [ even if it is brief ] . If all you think is not enough , that you can do ? ,,, Stroke his Face , Take a warm wash clothe >> and wipe his Brow and head .

everything else ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,can wait .

wmd.

[free2beme]

((((((( blue )))))) ((((((( jasper ))))))))))

I am so very sorry to hear this.

Please lean on your friends here for strength. We will be here for you.

Remember that we love and care about you and your little brother.

You and Jasper are in my prayers.

[nowheretorun]

hope you are feeling somewhat better now blue

[I_miss_my_kitty]

((((((((((((((Blue))))))))))))))))) you guys are in my prayers

[notz]

((((((((((Blue))))))))))

prayers*****for you & brother

[Zorah]

(((((Blue)))))) (((((Jasper)))))

so sorry

[Justgiving]

(((((((((((Blue and Jasper)))))))))))))

[Blue93]

not sure what to say everyone, so just gonna say Thanks.. I really appreciate the support

[pegasus]

(((((((((( Blue and Jasper )))))))))))

[v214k]

I'm soo soo sorry. That is so tragic. I lost my brother a couple of years ago... He was 18 when he died and I was 20. I'm still not over it. You never get over it. Just spend as much time as possible with him before he goes... I wish I had done that... but his death was unexpected. Make sure you tell him everything you need to tell him before he goes. I'm so so sorry.

[lenjan]

((((((((((Blue)))))))) Late 2005-early 2006 I spent 5 weeks in the hospital with acute, extremely severe bone marrow failure. I coded once, had to be resuscitated, on a ventilator, etc. I don't remember very much of it -- friends and family filled me in later -- but one of the only 3 things or so I do remember is having a doctor come sit at the end of my bed and tell me that I was critical and had at best a 50-50 chance to live. There were days that looked overly optimistic, I'm told.

Anyway, here I am. I live with knowing it can return, but so far, so good. I was what you probably would consider elderly at the time (40) -- the survival rates for this particular disease for people that age are slim. But, again, here I am. Jasper's youth is bound to help him just because the younger you are, the quicker and easier your body can heal and fight off stuff. Me, I have no idea what to attribute my survival to.

The sister I'm closest to, who also lives closest to me and so shuttled back and forth while all this was going on, can't even talk about it, 4 years later. My BIL and my friends have told me how traumatic it was for her, and she's even older than me. I can't imagine having to handle it as a kid, either as the patient or the sib.

You and Jasper are in my thoughts. I'm sure he knows you love him. I know it's hard to stay positive when things look so dark. Please keep posting and keep us updated.

Candy

[Taonuviel]

Originally Posted by Blue93

orange, the first two are for adults, but ill check the groww one out... thanks

((((((((((((((((((lucas and jasper)))))))))))))))))))))

the first one is actually aimed at teens, too.

[Blue93]

Originally Posted by Taonuviel

((((((((((((((((((lucas and jasper)))))))))))))))))))))

the first one is actually aimed at teens, too.

Ohh, that is confusing because at the intro it says its for 18 and over.
Maybe the scheduled siblingschats? though they are all like around 3-5 am for me so... I did check the Groww one out that seems to be ok.

lucas

[Berries]

((((((((((((((blue)))))))))))))))

I am so sorry to hear about your brother. My thoughts and hopes are wiht you both.
I cannot imagine your pain. I am so sorry this is happening. Please keep hoping.
Please keep posting and chatting. We all care very much for you and your brother.

[gimmeice]

((((((((((( blue and jasper ))))))))))

I am so sorry for what you and your brother are going through.